My reign of fading is over :-(

Dune

I wake up this morning, thinking that it'll be a good day. I'll be studying for a couple of hours then going to see apocalypto. I wanted to be out of the house by 11AM.

My immediate family who are still active go out as they normally do on saturdays. Around 10:10, they come back because of lazyness, but a couple of minutes later an elder comes in.

It really sucked. I was kinda hoping they'd get bored and stop trying to call me/meet up with me, its been 4 months and the amount of calls had lessened exponentially, then BAM!, i get a visit.

I tried to be as polite as possible, but at the same time completely aloof. They sat and i stood up looking down at them. One of the elders refused to give me eye contact and the other elder wavered alot. Most of my answers consisted of "oh really?", "uh huh" and "is that so?".

I set up a time to meet up with two elders a couple of weeks from now.

A part of me wants to just skip out on it, while the other part feels that i should just duke it out and take the disfellowshipping/dissassociation, i dont think i'll be able to just feign stupidity for an hour of questioning though.

The only thing i do know is that i'm never going to a meeting again.

darkuncle29

Fading is an art form, and by no means easy.

Try to stay calm and don't panic, a cool head always prevails.

I didn't have to go through this as I moved three times during my fade and that severed connections nicely.

I think that the playing stupid ploy works part time, but when it doesn't- like when they're sitting in your living room- that is when you have to switch to being dominant, deliberate, possibly even dismissive. "I can't talk right now, I have an appointment I need to keep." While saying that you are grabbing keys and coat and heading out the door.

Anyway, that's just my idea. Good Luck. Don't think you've ruined a good fade, due to the nature of the beast, there are bound to be bumps.

BrentR

I made a game out of it because I knew thier tactics and they had no strategy against me. They knew I was stringing them along and it PO'd them even worse. They had nothing to DF me with and I was very careful not to give them any ammo. Moving just out one congregation's territory also works very well and will give you a huge logistics and tactical advantage.

I made a cat&mouse game out of it and frustrated them to no end. They gave up on me because from all apearences I was screwing with them and nobody likes that even the JW's. The advantage to this tactic is years later if I cross paths with one of them I can still throw the plastic "How are doing? It's great to see you yada yada yada" and all they can do is smile (plastic also). They have never come right out and asked if I was attending meetings, instead they ask leading questions like "so what congregation are in now?" I tell them that I live in _______ congregation and they have to figure out if that means I just live there or if I am actually going to the meetings.

You can with a little preparation play so many games with them that they will go out of thier way to avoid you. Don't ever ask to put on the "do not call list" that will take alot of the fun out of it. Instead ask the typical and very taboo questions that you know they cannot answer. That tactic is far more effective when it comes to measuring the frustration factor.

Who knows, you may end up triggering the independant thought process in one of them and then they will be the ones trying to answer the tough questions to themselves.

Nathan Natas

Oh, if only I had had your courage and conviction when I was 20!

What you are doing will certainly result in a bit of short-term pain, but almost all GROWTH is painful. As the big guys say, "pain is weakness leaving the body," or in this case, leaving the mind. Stagnation and atrophy, on the other hand, are quite painless and easy. Take the hard course while you are young and still fit for the challenge.

We are with you in spirit and in truth.

Here's a line I recall from a fellow who posted here a few years ago. The elders asked him if he felt that the WTB&TS was God's organization. He replied that he was sure it was, but he was certain there was no god. The elders found that a satisfactory answer.

compound complex

Hey Dune,

You said that the only thing you know for sure is that you're never going to another meeting. What's worse than the WRONG decision is NO decision. Indecision eats away at your soul. I've made the same choice--to never go back. WT warnings about the fruitage of false religion are why; I'm sure they never foresaw such a turning of the tables. Their own words condemn them. When anyone from another congo asks where I attend, I simply say, "I'm assigned to the XXXX Congregation." When those from the XXXX Congregation ask where I've been, I reply that, due to ongoing illness, I am able to do little more than work and sleep (not a lie). Nods and sympathy. My JW friends are not jerks. Being current on Society doings is no problem as we're so well-informed here at JWD. The suggestions already offered you are sound and workable for your particular circumstance. Just remember, you're no longer operating by the same rules. You are not obligated to say or do what you do not wish. Success and contentment in your new life.

CoCo

BrentR

Just for the record I have no remorse or misgivings about leaving them. Every aspect of my life has improved since then. When you can get out and do it without any fear then you know you made the right decision, you won't have any questions or afterthoughts. When the time comes YOU WILL KNOW IT and it will be crystal clear.

If you do it before that time you are vulnerable and they know that and will use it against you.

I can honestly say that it was only one of a handfull of decisions I made in my life that I was 100% certain of. For me that is very rare. If only all the rest of the decisions I will have to make in my life can be as simple and clear.

jaguarbass

Just avoid them. Dont answer the door. Screen your phone calls. Get on with your life. In time they will probably forget about you.

garybuss

I had a show down with an elder (then they were called Congregation Servants) when I was 21. I worried about it for a couple days and I realized I was worried because I hadn't read one Watchtower in over a year, so I sat down for days before my meeting, every spare hour and read every magazine I had in my bag and in my closet.

I went to that meeting prepared like Patton was prepared rolling into Berlin. I started the meeting out by asking the Witness what he thought about a two month old non-study Watchtower article and he hadn't read it. So I went to the next one and the next and the next and he hadn't read any of them.

By the fifth article that he had to admit he hadn't read, he was giving his confession to me and asking me to forgive HIM. I laughed for a solid month after that meeting.

It was then I knew the Company men were bluffing us and they didn't know any more than we did, and they DIDN'T READ THE LITERATURE. I was never afraid of a Witness again after that day. I never respected the Company men again after that day in 1966.

I've kept up my reading and learning and if I couldn't flip an elder over on his back with his own first
prying question I'd slit my throat.

BrentR

That is a great story!!! I am so glad I found this forum! Over the last twenty years I have only connected with a couple former JW's. But I discovered instant friendships and we have some how stayed in contact over the years. Now I feel like I have discovered hundreds of new friends all in one day.

My wife still does understand all of the dynamics in play when it comes to being raised as a JW and how to deal with my family. Here everyone allready knows.

After reading "Crisis of Concience" I had no more doubts that I made the right decisions. What an eye opening book! It is so well researched and footnoted that I can only call it a complete coup.

Abandoned

Good luck buddy. I wish you the best.

My reign of fading is over :-(

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