Good luck on your journey. I'm pretty sure that my journey, as far as god is concerned, has already ended. My mom has been a lutheran all her life. She gives blood as often as she can. She volunteers at the church and that old bitty of a secretary takes advantage of my mom at every opportunity. She sends one charity a donation and ten more send their letters with their hands out. My mom divorced my dad when I was little. I never learned why they divorced, but although she dated a few guys while I was growing up, she never found anyone else to fall in love with. Now, my mom is the kindest person I know. She would give anything she has to anyone who asks. I know, because I've seen her do it. She worked eighty hours a week to help my brother pay for his epilepsy pills before he qualified for state assistance. She didn't let anyone else in the family know he needed help.
Now, this is a wonderful person and she's going to die alone. I hate the way god runs our little corner of the universe. I hate his arrogant demand for worship while not even proving himself worthy of it.
When men get a woman pregnant and then skip town, we call the guy a dead beat. How is god any differnet from that guy? Oh yeah, now I remember, he lets it rain on the righteous and unrighteous. Pardon me god for not dropping everything to thank you right now.