I NEED ADVICE DESPERATELY!!!

by concerned fiance 46 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jukief

  Who cares? Maybe there are newbies here who haven't seen those posts. It doesn't hurt to revisit the topic.
• 

  pandora

  Concerned,
  You have definately got food for thought. I would just like to give you one other view. The view from HIS side. I used to be him. I got out when I was 16, but still believed. I am now 32 and I just learned it was all a load of cr** last year. What made me see it for what it was? A scare. Some rumor that really didn't mean anything, but that at the time, raised the hair on the back of my neck. I was so bad off that I thought that the only way to save my child was to give her to a family member inside the orginization. How screwed up is that?? Luckily, I decided to look around the internet first, and I found out so much, so quickly that my head spun. I am very happy to finally know the 'truth' about the truth, but I know that there was no way I would have listened to anyone talking bad about it. I had to find it out for myself. You mentioned that you have suggested that he do research. I suggest the Ray Franz book. It is a true eye opener. If it is possible for him to see, he will see from that book.
  Don't give up. There is hope. I was once as blind as him and here I am now. Eyes wide open and loving every minute of it. Sometimes it really does work out.
  ((((hugs)))))
  -P-
• 

  Dogpatch

  No princecharmant,
  She is real, I talked to her over the phone on Wednesday. I am gettinhg a lot of similar calls, so you will see this topic resurrected often.
  Randy Watters
  http://www.freeminds.org
  NET SOUP!!
• 

  Introspection

  Hi Concerned,

  I think I may be able to offer some unique input in addition to the many good points that's already been made because I know a little of Hinduism.

  Basically, the emphasis of the JW religion is behavioral, the mind simply serves as a device for control. Realistically, there isn't much in the way of spiritual development because they actually keep the rank and file witness at the first level, they are not even really conscious of the mental process.

  Hinduism, according to my understanding comes from a very different place because you have the idea of Brahma and Atman. One very telling fact is that JWs considers all forms of meditation (other than "meditation" on their teachings) as opening oneself up to demonic entities. There is no contemplative practice.

  Of course, practically speaking you have to work with what's already there. It's highly doubtful that he would get this perspective (that is, the perspective of where the two sides comes from) any time soon. One thing that came to my mind as I read Peacepipe and Safe4Kids messages is that there's a scripture in the bible that says "He that saves his soul will lose it, he that loses his soul will save it." Obviously, at the core of this fearful reaction is saving himself. I think a very simple message, if you can get it through to him is 'are you capable of putting aside the concern for self preservation (which is motivated by irrational fear anyways) and focus on what is acceptable to God, what is true, insead?' As far as I know being conerned with yourself isn't considered spiritual by anyone.
• 

  concerned fiance

  Dear princecharmant,

  I am highly offended by your comment, all others have been open to a newcomer to the forum and have suggested new ideas and important things for me to consider. I simply posted my situation and wanted advice, I thought that would be enough. You obviously thought that I must read every post and reply over the last fifteen days before I am allowed to post my topic, sorry, I don't agree.
• 

  concerned fiance

  Well, I have read through all of the comments so far, many of you have suggested that I move on, while others have said that it might just take time and I must be patient. Here is an update on what has happened in the last day or so. My fiance has been reading lots of stuff from the internet from freeminds.org and various other xjw web sites that I have printed out and given him to read. He called and spoke to Randy Watters a few hours ago and he has thought of a lot of questions that he wants answered by an elder in his brother's congregation. He is waiting to get Ray Franz's book that I ordered last week so that he can read it. I think he recognizes that there are things to be questioned and so many things that he was taught that don't make sense to me, which, in turn, makes him realize that he should try to understand the support and bible scriptures which WT relies on.

  I just wanted to say that I have been reading so many of the various posts on this forum during the last two days and I have learned so much (as a nonJW) from reading about all the issues you have been discussing. Thank you and I hope to be able to participate more and give my own insight (if that is welcome, from somebody who never was a JW, but who has been doing some serious Bible studying lately, to show the inconsistencies in WT teachings.)

  Replies will be greatly appreciated. Any thoughts?
• 

  OhHappyDay

  Dear Concerned,
  some friends here told you there opinion that your fiancee is not worth to have your love since he is ready to choose his religion instead of you.
  Well, that would mean, that my wife (a non JW) should have thrown me away years ago. But she didn't. Today we have beautifull children and my still non JW wife has a brandnew husband:me, after reading posts over a few months and reading and re-reading the Observer and freeminds as some others. Bring him to this places.
  I do thank God that my wife was so patient. Try it the same way- (We also cried together so many times, everyone thinkink the other was a victim...she was right...)
  Good luck!!!!
• 

  concerned fiance

  Ohhappyday,

  thank you for your response, it made me think about the possibility of US working. But, I though the JW teachings were that a JW cannot associate, especially not marry, a nonJW. How did you reconcile that in your belief system, while you were still a JW?
• 

  jonjonsimons

  Concerned,
  I was raised in the "truth" as was your finace so here's my .02.
  Even after being out 20 years, when I watched the events of Sept. 11 unfold I also for a moment had some JW flashbacks and wondered if I had made a mistake in leaving. That lasted about 30 seconds and then reality came back into perspective. Your finace is fighting the brainwashing he was raised with, and I can tell you it's harder than most people understand. When you are told the same thing over and over from a very early age it is very hard to turn your back on it even if you know in your heart that you were lied to. It took me ten years to get over the fact that every tornado warning in my area wasn't the start of armageddon. Childhood indoctrination goes very deep. The only advise I can give is for you to give your fiance a little time to come to grips with it all. From what you posted above he is taking steps in that direction. I hope all turns out well for you both.

  Peace and love to you and yours,
  Jon
• 

  Introspection

  Concerned,

  I hope to be able to participate more and give my own insight (if that is welcome, from somebody who never was a JW, but who has been doing some serious Bible studying lately, to show the inconsistencies in WT teachings.)

  That is certainly welcome, you may be able to offer us something we have not considered before. I'd be very interested to see what you have found.