Lies Well Disguised: The Watchtower Pamphlet (Great Review)

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Lies Well Disguised: The Watchtower Pamphlet

When a canvassing Jehovah's Witness stealthily slipped a pamphlet under my girlfriend's door recently, I saw it as a sign from God--a sign to critically examine the marketing prowess of the J-Dubs.

I know zilch about the Bible or religions. I do, however, know bullshit. I've created somewhere north of a 100 bullshit-filled brochures hawking everything from spice-infused vodka to urine analysis machines.

In the style of Ad Age's Bob Garfield, the senior windbag amongst the laughable field of "ad critics," I will give the Watchtower pamphlet a star rating of between 0-4.

The cover of any brochure is critical. As Bill Bernbach (the "B" of DDB), the Father of creative advertising, supposedly said: "If nobody notices your ad, everything else is academic."

The headline is somewhat provocative. But the exclamation point screams "cheesy zealotry." The sans-serif typeface sets the right tone, but the line fights with the predictable lightning visual. Two possible fixes: either make the headline honking huge, or go with a tiny headline and find a much scarier lightning stock photo.

The inside spread design? Ugh. Way to copy-heavy. The left panel lays out the three parts of false religion: 1) "meddles in war & politics"; 2) "spreads false doctrine" (duh); and 3) "tolerates immoral sex." Next to this subhead, they feature this pic of a priest having his dick sucked.

I would have gone with a more graphic depiction--shots easily available on the web.

The right panel finally gets to the meat--the supposed imminent end of false religion. The harlot below represents false religion, and the lamely drawn seven-headed, ten-horned beast represents the world's political powers. "Soon" the J-Dubs claim, quoting Revelation, the beast will "make her devastated and naked, and will eat her fleshy parts and will completely burn her with fire..."

They completely lost me there, but I strongly suggest more violence and nudity. And either do a photo shoot, or hire a top-notch illustrator not some guy's brother.

On the way-too-busy back page, The Witnesses blandly and unconvincingly present their case that they are the one true religion. But no matter. They've already lost a conversion. (*) One star.

94 years ago, liar H.K. McCann launched his NYC ad agency with the slogan "Truth Well Told." That was a Big Fat Lie. Advertising copywriter copyranter brings you instances of Ad Lies and the Lying Liars who sell them.

MinisterAmos

OH SNAP!

You are farking right about the priest, Dude! Thanks for pointing that out.

I could never bring myself to really examine these turds. I just threw mine out, all 150 of 'em (Pioneered last month.)

jgnat

I just goes to show the fine line the WTBTS walks these days. They can't go fully radical, because it generates too much heat. And they can't go fully mainstream while keeping their "we're-right-and-everyone-else-dieeess" schtick.

Hokey illustrations result.

FuzzyPaul

I have noted that what a person strongly claims about oneself is dubious. Why bring up something unless one has an issue in mind, and why have an issue in mind unless there is an issue being contended, and why would one contend with an issue if in fact an issue isn't an actuallity.

I now KNOW that the Watchtower is little more than a club for baby-rapers, child molesters, homo-sexuals including lesbians and orgy lovers. Just today an engineer estimated a job for me and told me that he was married to a JW and called her a whore and sneek. He said repeatedly that she was a real whore, implying gross sexual misconducts. He didn't get into his level of involvement with the WT. I know of exactly that sort of thing personally. I thought for years that there were inconsistencies with judicial committee decisions but those inconsistencies are with the Bible's instructions and not with Watchtower standard operating procedure. Scandal after scandal and numerous Elders Stern-jaw state affirmatively that Jehovah's Witnesses don't do those sorts of things (like baby raping). I retorted: That is correct, when someone who calls themselves a Witness does those things they have disqualified themselves and is not in fact a Witness for GOD. And I stated that those things did likely occur.

When the WT joined the United Nations they agreed to support the UN charter and that charter allows the use of deadly force and intervention in the wars and trouble of governments. When the Nazis imprisoned JWs in WW2 the rank and file as a group held up under persecution, for some out of selfishness since they would lose their community and support system, but the District overseerers ratted each other out and turned over all the records of who were JWs and where they were to those Nazis. Was that a support to GOD's people or in fact aiding an enemy of people claimed to belong to GOD. Historical documents are being discovered one after another that tell how the WT placated the Nazis and compromised. Hypocrisy, dis-loyalty, dis-honesty, and dissertion. Those are WT legacies.

And as regarding the issue of false doctine, the WT has forced plenty of false doctrines into the minds of adherents - they are what I call a doctrine of the month club. Different issue of the Watchtower rag and different doctrines. Watchtower leaders refer to the Watchtower magazine as being like a "letter from Jehovah" then instructs to not refer to older issues because those older "letters from Jehovah" are out-dated and could confuse one.

WT historians document repeat reversals of numerous teachings and quote the WT as saying that GOD was giving "new light". Which "new light" contradicted the last "new light". Which last "new light" contradicted the previous older "new light" which is the same as the latest "new light". In the passage of decades of time these seem to number in the hundreds and some have had very grievous consequences to those who acted on those false leadings. GOD then gets blamed for giving the wrong "new light" which the WT claims it faithfully published and now HE is getting his act together by giving "food at the right time" through his "Only channel of communication and earthly organization" to lead his people out of the hole the WT indirectly implies HE dug and threw us followers into. And after that when we followers are disappointed, disillusioned, disgusted, and discerning enough to notice this eggregious behavior, the WT blaims us the followers for having false notions blaming our imaginations. Then these followeres are chastised for not being "faithful" and warned to not drift away or abandon them "from whom we first heard the truth from."

I wonder, why am I wasting my time on reading and writing about the Watchtower's false prophecy, lies, cover-ups? Enough documentation already exists but the WT's followers won't read even a dictionary entry that contradicts the WT (it happened when I tried to use the dictionary with a pair of elders). Example: how can someone be "in the truth"? What sort of thing is "truth" that someone can be in it. The English dictionary doesn't allow or recognize that use of the word "truth". The Watchtower has stolen an English word and put a new and misleading meaning into their use of it. I was even told not to read the newspaper. The WT sternly warns their followers to not listen or read anything anti-Watchtower as the Devil himself will come out of the page and grab your brain and you would then suffer spiritual shipwreck. Excuse me but what intolerable bull-shit. What few truths they taught were inconsistently taught and usually plagiarized.

Truth has no enemy from open discussion.

Grievously,

Paul

bernadette

Hi Paul

I now KNOW that the Watchtower is little more than a club for baby-rapers, child molesters, homo-sexuals including lesbians and orgy lovers

Would you please edit out the highlighted 'homosexuals including lesbians' from your post. I find it very objectionable that you have lumped an innocent group with baby-rapers and child molesters

bernadette

Rebirth

That was absolutely hilarious.I loved his analysis, what a riot!

Inquisitor

FuzzyPaul needs to learn to distinguish between people who commit criminal acts e.g. "child molestors" and people with a sexual orientation that is different from FuzzyPaul.

"Baby raper"?? Oh come on, getting a little carried away there aren't we?

INQ

TopHat

The WT sternly warns their followers to not listen or read anything anti-Watchtower as the Devil himself will come out of the page and grab your brain and you would then suffer spiritual shipwreck.

FuzzyPaul....The truth if ever there was truth!

jwfacts

Brilliant.

Love this line -- either do a photo shoot, or hire a top-notch illustrator not some guy's brother.

And the priest, I hadnt noticed the pleasureable glint in his eye.

drew sagan

Glad to know that I'm the only one that notices that their magazines are poorly created.

I allways had a hard time understanding how that Revelation book in particuliar could have any kind of purpoes in Gods plan. The illustrations where so damn horrible!

Lies Well Disguised: The Watchtower Pamphlet (Great Review)

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