Your thoughts on exit counseling help

OnTheWayOut

So I read this idea from http://www.freeminds.org/psych/mindcont.htm
I would like to try it with the wife. I just wonder if it's cost prohibitive.

Here is an excerpt:

A proven method as used by professional exit counselors of cult
members is to set up a planned conversation with the JW, who will
hopefully not be threatened by it. People are not usually intimidated
by someone sitting next to them at a bus stop or on the airplane or
waiting in line or at the grocery store if the conversation comes up
casually.
For instance: A man has a wife who is a JW, and he wants her to
be free from Watchtower mind control. He knows the futility of arguing
with her or trying to show her old Watchtower material that might show
them up to be false prophets. So he arranges for an ex-Mormon or
Moonie to sit next to her on some occasion while traveling, and the
ex-cultist strikes up an informal conversation about what they used to
be involved in, at the same time not asking the JW too many questions
or being overly curious. The JW will often feel more at ease if the
stranger doesn't even know they are a JW, especially if the subject is
religious organizations that are mutually recognized as cults. Witnesses
are not stupid; they know others consider them to be a cult, so they
usually prefer to keep a low profile in such conversations. The stranger's
job is not to show them the Watchtower is a cult, but to help them to see
the similarities between the cults and their own faith in their own minds.
That is simply too embarrassing. Jehovah's Witnesses must ultimately
face what they have done with their own life. You are simply giving them
opportunity to think objectively once more (something they may have
unwittingly given up long ago with regards to the Bible or God).

My wife travels alot, usually I am with her, but not always. Her schedule also puts her in set places that I could use.
Ultimately, I would love to seat her next to an ex-cult-member on an airplane. I know it would cost me round-trip
airfare for the person and perhaps much more. Any thoughts would be helpful. Any success stories or attempts
that help me start this process would be great. I would also need to find this exit counselor, so your help there is great.

While cost is a factor, I am willing to do what it takes- I will find a way- but I don't want to spend a few grand so somebody
can get on an airplane and get nowhere for three hours. I think it would be best if I were there also, three of us, and I keep
the conversation going with the counselor if my wife will not do so. Or perhaps, try a cheaper chance conversation in a local
setting, perhaps at dinner somewhere. I am just not sure how to go about this suggestion.

becca1

It sounds great in theory. However, because it's a casual, random senario, lots of things could go wrong. Your wife could get creeped out and not wish to talk to the person, she may try to change the conversation or even move to a different seat.

She may also figure out it's a set up.She is, after all, your wife, and she knows you and what makes you tick. Her intuition may make her suspicious and that could really back fire on you.

All in all, I don't like "set ups", so it would not work if it were me.

I know you are anxious to have her on the "same page" as you. I would give anything for my children to see the WT for what it really is. But I think the only way to get them to come around is to leave things alone.

Continue to be the best husband you possibly can. Don't openly critize the org. or the brothers. Give her no reason to find fault with you. Hopefully, she will, in her own time and way, come to see things clearly. When she does, you will be her "soft place" to fall on and you can come to her rescue.

What-A-Coincidence

becca1

Another thought: if she does blow your cover, I would imagine she would be furious. She may even go to the elders and say you are "endengering" her spirituality. This could led to her leaving you and feeling justified for it. Is that what you want? Please look at all the angles and count the cost before you proceed.

blondie

It would have to be someone familiar with the JWs in your area thus perhaps being known to your wife as an ex-JW or inactive anyway.

Exit counseling is really helping someone who mentally on the way out anyway, to me anyway.

I saw all the serious flaws in the JWs and yet did not leave until I realized it was in every congregation and in every individual to some degree or another. I wouldn't go to much expense staging this

When I realized how deep the lying went and how people I thought were ethical would lie knowing I knew they were lying; how could I trust people like that. Many JWs think if they leave they have to find another group because there has to be only one true religion, right? More WTS propaganda.

Blondie (my 2 cents worth)

OnTheWayOut

What-a-coincidence, thanks- I have the Steve Hassan books, read the first and will get to the second.

Blondie, the whole point is that they are not a JW. They were in a cult and would talk about their
experiences that are common to JW's. It would take awhile to put it together, I am not thinking about
doing it next week; rather down the line 6 months or a year.

I have read some of the stories where this type of intervention happened. If it were a planned coincidence
in a restaurant or other setting the first time, then perhaps a second time. I know I have a regular
scheduled chore where my wife just sits outside in a lobby and waits. I could easily get another person to
sit there and wait for her "husband." It would have to be a woman or it would never work.

The idea of having my wife as a captive audience on a plane is kind of pie-in-the-sky, but I was hoping to
hear any stories of attempts or success, or thoughts. Thanks for the thoughts so far.

What-A-Coincidence

OTWO: The second book is totally way better than his 1st. He talks more about interventions in his second ... His methods are based on NLP.

blondie

So you think someone who never was a JW will be able to talk to her about them without setting off alarms? JW, ex-JW, non-JW it doesn't matter, it is what they say and once the flaws of the WTS start being mentioned directly or indirectly....JWs shut down. Heavens, they can't say something bad about the WTS or agree to a non-JW, it would threaten that non-JWs' eternal life.

Think "abuse" and how individuals handle abuse in their family. Who do they talk to? Who do they trust? How do they do this and still maintain the facade of being a happy family?

Try reading some books about how to help people trapped in addictive (alcohol, drugs) family systems or physically abusive families.

Blondie

Jeepthing

Hi. My thoughts on helping your wife would be nothing but using the Bible. My husband and I were jws and pretty active ones but not anymore. At first he didn't challeng the jw teachings but just have me read few scriptures here and there to see if it makes sense with articles in magazines and even things from meetings. At first he looked like he was just trying to share and have my opinion about it but all he was trying to do was to see society teaching was really correct and interpreting the scriptures right.. After all he was just reading the Bible and how could I turned him down when we as jw take so much pride in ourselves as serious Bible students and claiming to have the truth. Having nothing but the Bible and asking something out of it was hard to ignore because that is what we are supposed to do when we go out field services and present ourselves as ones with the truth and know the Bible better than anyone or any religions. At lease it worked for my husband and I ended up leaving jw. I could not turned down the Bible( after all jw belive in this and it is God's word then they should consider it as most important thing). I got on internet to prove my husband wrong but I ended up proving myself wrong. It was not an easy thing since I truly believed that it was the truth and came to love many people in kh. It was painful at first thinging of leaving them and don't know where to go since I didn't know anyone other jws and life style of jw. Most important thing is that you never talk anything negative about society or teaching untill later on and add little bit here and there. My hubby never talked negative or degrade their teachings in anyway but did that with respect. I think that is why I was getting mad at him because he was working on me as jw and made me realized how much I didn't know and I was out there teaching others. Put me in a spot where I had analize myself as God's representative(after all that is what jws are and they do claim that).

OnTheWayOut

What-A,

I loved the first book. I gave it to my non-JW sister so she can start helping my mother.
I told her she could read it, try very hard to get it into my mother's hand after a few weeks
of discussing points from the book. When she pulls it out, she can say that she offered
her brother (me) the book, but I said I already read it. The goal is to get Mom to read it
and even ask me the questions she has, not for me to approach Mom. She will be way
easier to talk to than my wife- different situation entirely. She was shunned in the past
after leaving because of 1975, but went back to the borg.

The reason I have not started the second book. I read many books that help me to get
over the cult or that might help me to help family. The books by former JW's are the ones
I am focusing in on right now- IN SEARCH OF CHRISTIAN FREEDOM & THE GENTILE TIMES
REVISITED. Also, while the first book COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL can be put in a JW's hand, the
second would be tougher to do so with. I did notice early on that RELEASING THE BONDS
mentions Jehovah's Witnesses and hints at control groups using "a governing body." That's
when I put the book down (trying to think like my mother), knowing I had to get Mom ready to
ever look at that. I will carry that book with me on travel, as it can't get me DF'ed if my wife finds it,
because it is from an ex-Moonie, not an ex-Witness. I can hardly wait.

Your thoughts on exit counseling help

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