Email from the ex ... "come back" (page 2)

anewme

Its a mixed message for sure. He couldnt stay out. Now he claims he is worried for his kids spirituality and for yours. He probably finds his return to the org is an unhappy one without you and the kids recovering too.

As he admits, he messed up. There are consequences when we mess up. Some we have to live with for the rest of our lives.

He will calm down. Life goes on. His mind will rationalize and go through so many changes in order to make himself seem good in his own eyes even though now he feels some guilt.

I like restrangled's suggestion for a reply.

anewme

P.s. christmas time does that to people. The happy people are happier.
The sad people become sadder.

mrsjones5

said the spider to the fly...

MsMcDucket

Merfi, I think he's got the "embracing" part mixed up with "their foot on his neck again". You have to tell him that you're moving on. If you still love him, tell him he's welcome to come along; but don't bring along all that witness baggage and guilt trips.

As many of us know, we can do bad all by ourselves!

merfi

How are the kids doing Merfi?? How are you doing w/all of this? Any doubts about leaving the JWs?

Hey Juni :)

We are all doing absolutely wonderfully. Really. The kids have embraced Christmas as though they've done it forever. I wasn't raised JW, but converted in '89 or so to marry the now-ex. So I was raised with a Christmas along the lines of family, food and pretties. We weren't terribly religious, so that part of Xmas wasn't celebrated -- maybe just mentioned. So having been raised that way, that's sort of how I presented it all to the kids. I'm pretty sure they're doing ok with it all as I've overheard them talking among themselves about "what are we going to get mom? Grandma? etc...". They ask if they can "turn on the pretties" and remark at how "festive" the table etc looks. Stuff they think of on their own, without me pushing them. Actually I've not pushed anything at all... and have told them now and then throughout this year that any time they want to go to a meeting, to just let me know and I'd take them. So they've had choices and options, and have always chosen the non-JW.

As well, the girls have started Methodist youth group. My oldest is considering taking the Confirmation class. Again, I'm not pushing but letting them explore what's out there. I have no use for religion at this point, but if they do then I'm 100% supportive of what they choose. If it's Methodist, fine. If they want to go to JW, fine. I hope that I'm teaching them tolerance and freedom of choice -- two huge things NOT present in JW. And I think they're seeing the difference already.

The situation with the ex, in short form: We were married in '90, he ran off with a floozy (ok, I kicked his cheating ass out) in '02-'03, we were divorced in '04. He flaked on meetings for a couple years, moved to Omaha where the "embraced" him. (*puke*) In the meantime, I was DF'd in '03, RI in '04 and DA'd my happy butt out of there in Feb of this year. We still talk some, but usally about the kids and when we're going to meet with them etc. Normal "divorced parents" stuff. His parents are JW. Mine are not. So that's that situation. :)

I still haven't decided if I'm going to write back or not. I may take each of his sentences and work with them. I know that if I come across as negative or defensive in any way, he'll jump all over that like a good little brainwashed JW does. I can hear the script already, which he has down pat. This whole thing makes me just mad... who is he to judge the "good" in me. Hell, *I* know I'm "good", but it took getting out of the judgemental JW to find it. No way am I uprooting my family and my nest and leaving an awesome job to go back to some freaking cult. I will NEVER go into those bonds again -- my mind and my heart, my beliefs and feelings have been freed. There is no going back.

Thanks for your replies. I'm slowly defusing... ;)

~merfi

james_woods

Why not cut and paste your reply to Juni, and use that as your reply to the ex?

Or, maybe just a distillation of that last brilliant paragraph you wrote above.

Best wishes, James

bluesapphire

Thank you for your concern but I really don't give it much thought. Life is wonderful for me and the kids so don't worry. Have peace knowing I have no regrets and the kids are well-adjusted. Take care.

Nothing irks JWs more than being obsolete. They think the universe revolves around their piddly little religion. So whenever I say words like, "I don't really think about it..." they get this stupid look on their faces like .

And they are so filled with stories about how awful life is "out there" that hearing someone is actually doing great and is well-adjusted outside the borg is like "huh?"

Here you have the chance to kill two birds with one stone: the ex will know he's obsolete and his religion is too!

reneeisorym

This should be your reply:

Hey EX:

I wasn't sure that I should even write back to you. I know that if I come across as negative or defensive in any way, you'll jump all over that like a good little brainwashed JW does. I can hear the script already. This whole thing makes me just mad... who are you to judge the "good" in me. Hell, *I* know I'm "good", but it took getting out of the judgemental JW to find it. No way am I uprooting my family and my nest and leaving an awesome job to go back to some freaking cult. I will NEVER go into those bonds again -- my mind and my heart, my beliefs and feelings have been freed. There is no going back. Before I end this, I should tell you about the kids.

We are all doing absolutely wonderfully. Really. The kids have embraced Christmas as though they've done it forever. I'm pretty sure they're doing ok with it all as I've overheard them talking among themselves about "what are we going to get mom? Grandma? etc...". They ask if they can "turn on the pretties" and remark at how "festive" the table etc looks. Stuff they think of on their own, without me pushing them. Actually I've not pushed anything at all... and have told them now and then throughout this year that any time they want to go to a meeting, to just let me know and I'd take them. So they've had choices and options, and have always chosen the non-JW. The girls have started Methodist youth group. My oldest is considering taking the Confirmation class. If it's Methodist, fine. If they want to go to JW, fine. So that's that.

merfi

bluesapphire

BTW, I'm all for religious tolerance but:

You wouldn't want your kids to grow up, become JWs and someday shun you or disrespect you, do you? This is not a harmless religion that we should be tolerant of. This is what WILL happen if they become JWs. JWs break families apart and they turn children against their parents and parents against their children. All your hard work raising your children and all the love and support you give to them will be evil in their eyes if the JWs get to them.

I would teach my kids this first and foremost. Not all religions are harmless. They need to be taught to have a healthy skepticism. And under no circumstances would I ever allow my child to enter a kingdumb hell!

It's up to you, but when I read this MY OWN FACE WENT:

new boy

How about this

Thank you for seeing the good in me!

I on the other hand like God see the good in ALL people............not just 6 million out of 6 billion!

Peace my friend

Email from the ex ... "come back"

Share this