While reading on JWD last night and this morning, I was reminded of a situation that I had with my husband when I told him I was not ever going back to the Kingdom Hall (this happened in October 2006 so relatively recently). This statement should not have come as a great surprise to him, as he knows that I now belong to the American Legion Auxiliary (in fact I am the local Unit President), that I vote, and that I helped convince our daughter to have a blood transfusion that may have saved her life. Also I had told him in the past that he should NOT set up any meetings FOR ME with the elders as I would NOT talk to them.
In spite of his knowledge of my present activities, his reaction to my "never going back" statement was severe. He insisted that this would drive a wedge between us, that it could divide us. Now, I should also mention that my husband has not been to any meeting other than memorial for several years (he stopped going to meetings at the same time that I did), although he periodically tells me he is "going back". Also, our marriage has been closer and much more loving since we stopped going to meetings than it was before, perhaps because we take more time for EACH OTHER now.
Once I had talked with him for a while, I discerned that he was afraid that my renouncing the Witnesses meant that I had lost all my moral and ethical values. This is patently NOT true; I have NEVER been unfaithful to my husband and don't have any intention of ever being unfaithful to him. I also do not lie, cheat, steal, etc., etc. I consider myself a highly ethical person, and in fact I feel MORE consistently ethical now that I weigh things in terms of my personal ethical standards and not in terms of the "well you can do this so long as you don't do that" stand that the WT takes on so many things.
I assured him that I love him completely and unconditionally and that was not changing. I assured him that I still believe in God, I just don't believe that the Witnesses are his sole representatives on earth. I assured him that I was not going to try to "change his mind" about anything -- that what he chooses to believe is up to his own conscience.
Things settled down, and we are doing fine. But I was shocked at how I had forgotten that most Witnesses equate leaving the organization with becoming immoral persons.
I have done nothing since leaving the WTS that I am ashamed of. I no longer think that saluting the flag, voting, or taking blood transfusions are immoral actions although engaging in promoting them means, I know, that I have (in fact if not officially by letter) disassociated myself from those whom I used to believe were "God's People".
My personal ethics now are based on the "love thy neighbor as thyself" commandment and the Golden Rule which is based on it. Also I like the phrase "first, do no harm". So many times we try to do good (have good intentions) but unwittingly interfere with something we should have stayed out of.
I volunteer at the VA hospital, I serve on the Board of Directors of Court Appointed Special Advocates (a group that speaks up for abused and neglected children). I really endeavor to behave in a loving fashion with my husband, my loved ones, and everyone else I encounter. And I am reading the Bible again with new eyes and an open heart. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back here, just show that not everyone who departs from Jehovah's Witnesses is an adulterer, a thief, a gambler, a drunk, or something else. I have NOT commited "conduct unbecoming to a Christian" -- just conduct forbidden to a Jehovah's Witness.
Also, I feel I should say too that I know several HIGHLY ETHICAL AND MORAL individuals who are atheist, agnostic, or deist, so I'm not saying that religious faith is required to be an ethical and moral person. It is just one facet of MY personality, and I am not judging anyone else by my standards either.
Anyone else care to comment on the subject of "personal ethics" for the benefit of lurkers who might have a warped impression of XJWs?
NanaR