Sharing Your new light with your Parents

by pratt1 14 Replies latest jw experiences

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  pratt1

  Every so often I get to share some of my thooughts about the Borg and my new found beliefs with my Mom , who is a die hard pioneer for over 20 years.

  We actually have had decent conversations about doctrines and interpertations of the scriptures, and she has admitted that at times the Borg may have misapplied certain scriptures over the years.

  Her excuse is that imperfect men sometimes make mistakes and Jehovah makes allowances for this.

  But what really gets her upset is when I bring up certain aspects of my childhood, that because of her belief in the Borg, she made some unwise decisions for not only me be her family.

  Me getting baptized at 13, her not being fully supportive of higher education, cutting off family members, pushing me into an early marriage when I was clearly not ready, Teaching me that all "worldly people', including my father woiuld die at Armageddon, these are just a few examples that when we discuss them, she becomes extremely angry and then accuses me of making her out to be a bad mother.

  I got me thinking, do you think that many dubs refuse to acknowledge the problems with their religion because it would mean that they made some really bad decsions in their and their families lives.

  Are they afraid to accept the responsiblity for this because of the guilt they would suffer?

  What are your thoughts?
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  jayhawk1

  Her excuse is that imperfect men sometimes make mistakes and Jehovah makes allowances for this.

  The next time she says this ask something like this...

  Would you agree with this statement? Jehovah managed to get men to write the Bible without their making a mistake.

  So if you agree Jehovah managed this, did Jehovah forget how to use men to spread his message? Why does his men make mistakes today?

  If your mom is still wanting to stay on this subject, take her to the scripture that talks about what to look for with a false prophet. Then ask her if the Watchtower Corp is guilty of any of their prophecies proving false.

  Now if she doesn't agree with the statement... "Jehovah managed to get men to write the Bible without their making a mistake." Then have her show you in the Bible a scripture that Jehovah didn't want in the Bible. That would cause her to reverse course and agree with the above statement.

  (This may start a fight, but this conversation will cause her to think independently at least for a short time.)
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  jayhawk1

  As for the rest of your post...

  Are they afraid to accept the responsiblity for this because of the guilt they would suffer?

  Since JWs are taught their way is always right, that would make this a correct statement. JWs are afraid of anything that would mean living with reality. Their's is a fantasy world waiting for a better fantasy world. So accepting responsibility for reality is not something JWs like to do.
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  Smiles_Smiles

  Yes, I do think that.

  I don't necessarily believe it is a conscious thing but definitely it is easier to let 'Jah' take responsibility for the decisions then actually owning the damage allot of the decisions have cause for the people that they supposedly love.
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  tall penguin

  "Are they afraid to accept the responsiblity for this because of the guilt they would suffer?"
  
  Yes, I believe this is true in many cases. My mother would not only have to deal with how her choices affected her children growing up but she'd have to confront her own childhood issues, an avoidance of which, I believe, lead her to the org to begin with. That's a whole lot of honesty and courage for one person to muster. I don't think most jw's, or most people for that matter, are capable of this. Most days I'm not capable of it.
  
  tall penguin
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  becca1

  Yes. Guilt about harming your children in some way is hard to face.
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  Thirdson

  I don't discuss religion that much with my parents anymore. However, I have raised the issue of the lack of further education for most of my siblings because of the doctrines of the Watchtower and the supposed nearness of the end. Fortunately, most have done well in life and even my only JW brother is a licensed teacher. I have raised the fact that Firstson declined the opportunity to become a medical doctor on the basis that the end was only weeks or months away. He could retire in just a few years now. My parent can't counter my criticism and I have dropped the subject now. At least my JW parents don't criticize their non-JW grandchildren, (including my son) who are at university now. 3rd
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  Tyrone van leyen

  Well said, tall penguin. She has not faced the issues of her childhood and cannot grasp what led her to the org. In transactional analysis by Thomas Berne MD., this would be seen as a role reversal wherin her responses are childlike and you have become the adult. In this way the religion has stunted emotional maturity and offered a comfort zone of denial. I also like the way R2D2 has suggested a means of drawing her into reality. Good luck!
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  looking_glass

  I did not have a bad childhood, so I cannot use that as an example and I went to college, so again not a point of discussion for us. What I do know is that she was "inappropriate touched" when she was a child. I don't know more about it, but I know it is a source of contention. I have done my best to slowly bring stuff out to her about child abuse and their continued denial and/or down right lying about the whole thing and hiding the perpetrators. Initially she would not discuss it at all, now we can have snippet of convos. Really the problem, at least in her case, is that this is all she knows. If she were to accept it as wrong, then what would she have. As she puts it, she is old, she was raised in the religion and all of her family members and closest friends are JWs. It is the fear of the unknown and being wrong that holds her back.
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  Scully

  pratt1:

  Me getting baptized at 13, her not being fully supportive of higher education, cutting off family members, pushing me into an early marriage when I was clearly not ready, Teaching me that all "worldly people', including my father woiuld die at Armageddon, these are just a few examples that when we discuss them, she becomes extremely angry and then accuses me of making her out to be a bad mother.

  The best way to get around that accusation is to say "Well, no, I don't feel that way. I believe that you were doing the best you could, according to the information you had at the time. Apparently though, in retrospect, perhaps you feel that way because you might have done things differently if you knew then what you know now."

  Then you could pick a specific example - cutting off family members is a perfect choice - and ask her who it was who gave her the information that prompted that decision. Would she have come to that conclusion from reading the Bible on her own, or did she rely on the Spirit Directed Organization™ and its interpretation of the Bible to reach that decision? Does the Bible say that she is accountable to the Organization™, or does the Bible say that each person is accountable for their choices before God? (Romans 14:12)