Yesterday, I came to the realisation, that nobody has ever said these words to me, least not that I can remember, which was a temporarily devastating moment for me. But, rather than wallow in self-pity at the possibility that I'm completely unlovable I chose to take the initiative to try to remedy this situation. This began with my Father. Spotting him in front of the TV in his favourite chair, I walked over and came out with the words 'I love you' It felt very weird, because I think it may be the first time I've ever said these words myself, but I'm going to blame my upbringing on this. My father's response was interesting, after a short silence, which felt like an eternity, and being stared at as if I'd just lost my mind, I decided to end the painful silence by responding to it with 'just thought I'd let you know like' which caused my father to start laughing, who then said 'Alright lad' and then turned back to his TV, which was actually a tad demoralising. However, I was determined not to let my quest end here, after searching out my Mother, who was in her bedroom doing house work, I decided to try again, but this time with a more casual approach: 'Love ya Mum!' After once again receiving the same short 'Have you just lost your mind' look, my Mum responded by saying 'Err... Thanks' Ok, not quite the response I was looking for, but quite a bit better than being laughed at. Next on my journey, I came to my Sister's room. I knocked on her door, and then as she answered and said 'what do you want?' I said 'I've just come to tell you that I love you' After getting that now familiar look, she asked 'Why?' So I told her 'Because I can' I'm not sure she quite got it, but she did respond by saying 'Err... ok, I love you too' So there we are. I think the next step then, should be to try for a hug. Just thought I'd share this story. Have a nice day all!
'I love you'
by Zico 20 Replies latest jw friends
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Crumpet
What a lovely thread - you really made me smile. Your whole family are going to think you are a loon or worse that you have a debilitationg disease and are taking their leave of them and this life! LOL!
Good on you I say. You;ve realised you miss something in your life. worked out that maybe we have to be a bit proactive about these things and done something about it and not just moped and felt sorry for yourself. Practice that throughout your life and you'll always get results - they may not be exactly what you wanted but at least you'll not be in control of your destiny.
It was about the tiem I was your age that ifound a relationship in which "I love you" was said daily. Sadly that ended a few years on and I ended up in a relationship with someone who like your folks doesnt say I love you at all - people express themselves differently. Some are brought up to show love through actions and not words. But like you - I need both and like to give both.
hugs and I love your post - which is nearly loving you!!!
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Smiles_Smiles
Good for you!!!! If you send out love enough you will find that it will be returned.
I thought this was soooo interesting though because when I was a JDub (just a couple of years ago) I dated a 'brother' that couldn't say those words. He said that he is showing me by all that he does. And I told him that a woman likes to here the words eventually if the emotiion is there. When I told him once he replied 'thank you'.
He must have been raised in a family simular to yours. Interesting....
Good for you for breaking the cycle!!
Much Love,
Smiles
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megsmomma
That's cute....really. I am glad your sister told you she loved you back, and I am glad you didn't give up!
When I worked as a phone rep once I helped an older lady and before we hung up she said "I love you" (I think out of habit...) but, I said "I love you too..." It only seemed right! LOL!
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MsMcDucket
That's cute. When growing up, my family was not big on giving out words of adoration or "showy displays" of affection. We didn't say "I love you" or hug much. It always felt awkward when we tried. When my mother got sick, I was holding up a lot of people in the family and hugging my sisters during our grief. I remember when my most stoic sister broke down and cried big crocodiles tears. She was sobbing so hard. I couldn't believe that she had broke down and cried. I went over and hugged her hard, which is something I can't ever remember doing to my sister.
My mother's love was like the lady in Anne of Green Gables (The lady that adopted Anne.). She didn't do all of the hugging and saying I love you stuff. We just knew that she loved us by her other actions.
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J-ex-W
Zico---------- You so TOTALLY made my day!!! Good for you! I have tears in my eyes right now.
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Crumpet
My mother's love was like the lady in Anne of Green Gables (The lady that adopted Anne.). She didn't do all of the hugging and saying I love you stuff. We just knew that she loved us by her other actions.
Ah yes Marilla - I loved those books and the tv movies!
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westvic
Crazy dynamic--I became inactive 8 years ago--not one witness ever called to say i was missed -- or that they loved me.I have since been with my girlfriend and her buddies--they have no reservations about telling me they love me. Quite an eye-opener.
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SixofNine
That's a great story Zico, and I think you may have taken a step to profoundly change you and your family's lives for the better yesterday.
Thanks for sharing.
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JWdaughter
I think it was sweet of you to work on the love in your family Zico.
I have had it shown and had it said. I would rather have BOTH, but if only one, having it shown means more. Like Marilla. Words are cheap. Backed up with action, they are beautiful.