Help settle a debate. Internet relationships...

esw1966

A stay at home dad posted on Craig's list that he was looking for platonic email correspondance with a lady, someone to talk about life with, insights into relationships, a reason to turn on the computer in the morning et cetera......

My fiance occasionally finds herself seeking relationships with select people online and getting into soulful conversations with them. She feels that people can be their truest selves in these moments. To share the quirks of life with random fellow Americans is somehow thrilling to her. Her intentions are pure. She is reciting this to me at the moment.... She stands by the opinion that good judgment, paired with common sense can keep these types of relationships positive.

It is my opinion that developing relationships online like that can be dangerous. Who knows who this guy is. What are his intentions? Will he become a nuisance? I even feel that online relationships like that are negative in that they are not reality and they can rob you of life.

She wants to write to him. I have said no and have tried to implement the subjection issue which is a little shaky at the moment.

Just trying to get a concensus. Thanks!

ClaireManEater

I don't know what to say. I'd rather spend time with my sex god than talking to strangers from all over USA. No offence, but she needs to get a life. With you of course ;)

unbeliever

I think it can be done. Where you get into trouble is when you start confiding your marital problems to the other person. I have seen so many affairs start that way.

OnTheWayOut

I am totally trusting, and totally unforgiving if that trust is violated.
I don't have a problem with chatting with several different people involved.
I say it's a bad idea to spend so much time exclusively with one person of the
opposite sex, especially when they are vulnerably opening themselves up.
There are lots of stories of penpals or chatters running off together or
being stalkers.

searching4truth

lots of relationships have escalated over the internet. it's no different than if she ran into some random guy at the supermarket and started developing a close friendship with him. She should be focusing on your relationship and building that and making it stronger.

I have said no and have tried to implement the subjection issue which is a little shaky at the moment.

Don't do that. Absolutely the wrong way to go with this, it will almost certainly cause her to want to do it more out of spite. You own her and can't make her do anything she has to want to and if she doesn't see you are threatened by this and that alone makes her want to stop then there are other issues at hand.

tim hooper

Maybe I'm a bit shallow, but I can only think of one reason why a man would cultivate an online relationship with a woman.

tim

Mystla

You can definatly have a meaningful relationship with someone online. That's how I met my husband. While I was still married to my 1st hubby... We were just friends, of course, and he was a great help when I was going through my seperation.. a cyber shoulder to cry on. He was so understanding. He listened. He understood. He was everything my 1st husband wasn't.

Would I still be married to first hubby if I hadn't met someone? No, but it would have been a lot harder to leave without the emotional support I recieved from my online friend. (we really were "just friends" until after the seperation, we didn't even meet face to face until two months after I left)

My recomendation would be to be cautious, ask her not to write anything that she wouldn't be comfortable with you reading.. or saying, for that matter.

Misty

PS.. the straw that broke the camels back with my ex was the relationship he had with someone online, ironicly, but he had taken it way too far past the "just friends" stage. The graphic sexual nature of their "conversations" was more than I could take.

Mrs Smith

I feel that she should want to spend that time with you. Discussing lifes issues with you and getting to know you better. There is no reason why she should be getting all this from a stranger......but then again, isn't this what we are doing right now?

J-ex-W

Not sure about the rest of the issues, but I'm sure about this: Forget about the 'subjection' objection. That will only backfire. Come up with better reasons than that to reason with. Respecting your feelings can be a huge one.... But then, respecting hers might suggest that you let her do her thing--as long as it's done with 'full transparency,' as Dr. Phil would say it.

If you are showing an active interest in the new online friendships she is forming, it could be a thing that draws you two together. It respects her need to have friends (whether virtual or in person), and she would certainly appreciate your supportive attitude toward that. Just keep everything out in the open--which she seems to be doing already.

JWdaughter

The guy does not want a platonic relationship with a woman. He wants her to slowly start expressing all her doubts and fears about her current relationship, then he wants to be the one that 'truly understands' her, then he wants to make everything better and fulfil all her unmet needs.

"She wants to write to him. I have said no and have tried to implement the subjection issue which is a little shaky at the moment. " Not sure what all THAT is about, but it sounds WRONG. She is not married to you yet in any case, but if she was, and you pulled that-it would be icky.

She can do this if she wants, but she is risking a good and real relationship for a ephemeral one with a person whose motives are suspect at best. She can find a nice lady at church that needs help or encouragement. That is the better part of wisdom (spoken from experience! Men can be big buttheads!) Shelly has spoken! Building relationships that involve intimate conversation is, if not actually cheating (and some will argue that point), definitely flirting with it. If she loves you, forget subjection, she should not want to drive a wedge between you. Really, if she wants to help, there are women and children that need her help. That man can see a shrink, talk to his sister or his pastor. Not a woman who is in a committed relationship.

Help settle a debate. Internet relationships...

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