Mom is having a rough time right now

Junction-Guy

Well 3 years ago when my stepgrandma died, Mom left her abusive husband to live with and take care of Grandpa. She cooks, she cleans, she helps him dress. He is so mean to her it makes my blood boil. He talks to her awful and degrades her. If it had'nt been for Mom he would have been in a nursing home by now. Now Mom is having alot of pain in her back and legs, and the doctor told her she might need surgery on her spine. Mom has asked me to come and help take care of Grandpa while she is recovering from surgery, I told her I would. I only have so much time to help and her recovery could be months. Grandpa is refusing to pay for any nurses to come and help, he told her today that he will just go into a nursing home. Mom is upset and crying and I reassured her she would always have a place to stay with Darin or me. I just need to vent right now, as Im having so many mixed emotions about my Grandpa. He is a very greedy man, and has lots of money. He lived 50 miles away from Amanda and I in Hazard Kentucky, and refused to help us in any way. When my car broke down, he begrudgingly helped to patch it up, and then talked to me like a dog. All the while his wife was siphoning off the money to help her kids, I gotta give her credit, she at least looked out for her own kids. She put 2 of her grandkids through college with their money. I believe if it wasnt for her then he wouldnt have helped us at all. It's hard to tell my Grandpa that I love him, when he has done very little but mistreat my Mom and neglected his own flesh and blood. He is not a JW by the way, just a greedy old buzzard.

RAF

(((JG)))

I don't know if what I'm going to say will help or not (because you are nervous - maybe it's not the right time) if you are not ready to hear something you don't want to hear don't read me. Anyway I could be wrong about what I will say

Your grandpa seems to have what he needs to make sure someone will take care of him ... (I don't know if I'm clear here ...) Well let him choose what he wants ...

The one you have to take care of is your mom (moreover if she needs surgery) that's how she will be sure you she can count on you...

People who's got money and treats others like their dog want to see how far they can go to see how far you will go either they are MF or full of doubts means : They think that you want to get what they can give you and if you stick to them even if they treat you like dog they think that you are not there because you love them. Don't get into this game ... it's a sick game. You won't loose his love because you tell him what he is for real ... (you might get the reverse ... maybe he just want to know if you are ready to lose what he think you are runing for).

Mary

He is so mean to her it makes my blood boil. He talks to her awful and degrades her. If it had'nt been for Mom he would have been in a nursing home by now.....Grandpa is refusing to pay for any nurses to come and help, he told her today that he will just go into a nursing home....He is a very greedy man, and has lots of money....it's hard to tell my Grandpa that I love him, when he has done very little but mistreat my Mom and neglected his own flesh and blood. He is not a JW by the way, just a greedy old buzzard.

I've known many people like this. Sometimes, miserable old people who have lots of money, treat family members like garbage thinking they can hold the purse strings over everyone's head. The idea is: 'If you piss me off, I'll cut you out of my Will'. My B-I-L's mother sounds exactly like your grandfather. She's miserable, miserly and is constantly cutting people out of her will and then putting them back in. I think deep down, when they're this greedy, they're actually furious at the thought of someone else getting their money---even family members, which is why they treat them so badly.

I say let the grumpy old bugger go into a Nursing Home. It's not worth your mother's mental or emotional health to put up with that kind of abuse.

Junction-Guy

Thanks, Yeah im just having a rough time with it right now, I have been having these feelings for awhile. He is a very greedy man, and the fact that he treats my Mom like dirt makes me even madder. I told mom, just let him go to the nursing home she doesnt need his cruelty anyway. If he goes to the nursing home they will bleed his money dry, nursing homes are expensive,

MsMcDucket

You just got to tell him like it is. When he says he can just go to a nursing home, say ok. Then go on to say that will take a load off mom's back! She'll need her strength to recover from surgery and she doesn't need to be helping someone else out when she needs help herself.

Your Grandpa is trying to hold that money in front of your noses like a carrot. Don't fall for it.

J-ex-W

Junction-Guy-----------Sorry to hear your mom/ you are going through this. Yes, by all means extend the love and support and help to your mom. You're right--she absolutely needs it and deserves it right now. And, particularly in light of my abusive JW ex-husband's and my JW sons' callous neglect toward me [pre- and post- back surgery]...it does my heart good to hear of a son who does have so much concern for his mom. Show it...let her know it. She deserves it.

As for your grandpa...still be kind, because it's what deep character would do, but don't bend over backward for him or take the 'dog' treatment. He can act better, and you can insist on better without crossing bad lines yourself. Good luck balancing that one. I know it's not easy.

Junction-Guy

Yes he is MsMducket, He would rather give his money to the govt or a nursing home than even think of his children getting any benefit from it. He dumped my grandma back in 1979 and tore the whole family apart, he doesnt care about us. What little money my Mom has she ends up buying most of the groceries anyway. Everytime she needs money for something around the house, he throws a fit. She got mad at him awhile back and told him that when he dies, she hopes they dump all his money in the casket with him. Im finally accessing all of the negative people and influences on my life. Besides the WT Society, My Dad, Former Stepfather, My grandpa has had a very negative impact on my life, My Mom and Grandma both are very caring and would do anything for their family,

Tyrone van leyen

Hi junction Guy! Sorry to here about this situation. If this guy is holding the purse strings I don't know if there's much you can do. I know how that works. Have you ever tried to have a heart to heart with the old coot. Maybe he has health problems that are making him miserable. If neither of these things are so then give shit right back to him. No one should have to put up with that crap. Your poor mother sounds like she's conditioned herself to this abuse. It's funny how people don't look at there situations and leave them when they can. Just like the witnesses. I guess at this point the most you can do is tell her you love her and realize the sacrifices she has made. This will validate her suffering at least and give her more self worth. I don't however think it should condone what he is doing to everyone. Older people don't change there ways as easily. I don't know if I should dispense medical advice but it sounds like your mother suffers from spinal stenosis. In the lower lumbar region of the back there is a canal in the spine through which runs the sciatic nerve. The sciatic nerve runs down to knees and over the years spinal compression or a slipped disc can pinch this nerve and cause a burning sensation in the buttocks, back pain, and numbness in the legs. There are different surgery techniques for this. I do not advise spinal fusion. This only creates further degeneration of the upper and lower discs. The best thing of course is no surgery if possible and exercises that decompress the spine and strengthen the abdomen and lower back muscles. If however surgery is necesary there are far less invasive techniques done with a laser in which the sciatic nerve is slipped out of place and the canal is widened so that the sciatic nerve moves about more freely. It has a much higher sucess rate. I've read many of your post and relate to your situation and how the witnesses messed you up. I hope this helps Kentucky man.

Golf

# 1, you will be doing the right thing in taking care of your mom. As for your grandpa, nature will take care of him.

The best.

Golf

Mom is having a rough time right now

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