Welcome, faded4. Any friend of AuldSoul is a friend of mine.
About keeping in contact with your children, that's a toughie. My order of priority is to get my partner on side first, so that we provide a common front to the world. You don't want an opposing parent sabotaging all your efforts. You don't want your children torn between two parents. If both parents are walking away from the society, it will be so much easier for the adult child to take the leap. If you are a united front, they will care far less about being torn between their parents and the society. For most children, the choice is a no-brainer.
If that is not a possibility, take a page from the book of divorcing parents. Be honest, ethical, and fair with your children. Listen carefully to their hopes and fears, and take them seriously. Don't accept emotional blackmail. If they threaten to cut you off if you don't do what they want, calmly stand your ground. The respected parent is the one who wins in the end.
You might enjoy GoingGoingGone's posts. She is a successful fader, her husband is an elder, and both her young-adult children are launching their independent lives. She has grown in dignity and stature over the years, as she has quietly stood her ground. At the same time, she has not disrespected her husband. The children could see for themselves what was going on, and made smart choices. I hope the same for you.