Do You Miss Your Sense of Belonging?

by The wanderer 52 Replies latest jw friends

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  Hecklerboy

  I would say I don't miss the belonging to the witnesses. I never really felt that I belonged to a special group. I mean, you seen the other witnesses at the kingdom hall during the meeting but rarely ever seen them in between. I felt more comradery with some of my worldly friends. After I left I joined our local volunteer fire department and found great comradery there. In this group when you say you would give your life for your brother you might have to do it some day. Sadly I had to leave when the wife and I moved outside of the department run area. Recently I joined a local karate club. I've found great comradary here. It's a real family oriented organization that teaches self-defense along with self-confidence and respect of others. I have also found great companionship in the mountain bike community. I have a few friends that I ride with that are true friends. They don't judge you buy how well you ride or what kind of bike you have. They are just glad you are there.

  The main reason I visit this discussion board is to keep up with the JW organization. Since my family is still in I like to know what they are talking about when I visit and sometimes have a great response when they try to get me to come back. I like to know what there thinking is now.
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  x golden child

  Of course I do. I was one of the two young pioneers in the congregation up until just November; my best friend was the other young pioneer. I was the congregation’s infallible baby girl. Do I want to go back? Hellll no! Friends and family can give you just as much a since of belonging. And it’s nice they show this thing called unconditional love. Gives you that nice warm fuzzy feeling inside.
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  mavie

  Not so much belonging, but a sense of direction.

  I thought I had it all figured out, then I realized how pompous and haughty that attitude is. I'm starting to realize many XJW's have a difficult time finding a new direction, or purpose to life. I think it's imperative a person finds one.

  For me, college is a good distraction. Understanding the natural world and trying to protect it seems to be the thing closest to my heart.
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  Scully

  Do You Miss Your Sense of Belonging?

  I've found other things to belong to. I have new friends, new interests, and new groups that I am affiliated with. My sense of belonging is mostly intact, although I do miss interaction with JW family members. I do not miss other JWs. They were never friends in the true sense of the word.

  how do you justify your time on this discussion board talking about your past witness life?

  There's more to being here, imo, than "associating with like minded people" as the WTS would put it. There are so many issues that come out of having lived years or decades as a JW - things like being financially stunted due to a lack of education, or having a difficult time learning to trust people again, or relationship issues that arise when one partner is a JW and the other does not want to be a JW anymore, the hurt of being shunned by family members, etc. There are people joining this discussion board every single day who never post. They just lurk and read and learn things for themselves. They need a lifeline that this discussion board provides - they may not have any other form of sanity in their lives if they are still stuck in a JW lifestyle and see no way of getting out unscathed.

  Talking about the past validates other peoples' experiences. We would never have known the extent of the child molestation problem among JWs if nobody ever talked about it, and everyone who was molested by a JW simply assumed that their experience was an isolated incident. We would never know the painful and devastating effects of shunning if we followed the WTS's instructions and never spoke to each other. We give each other support. We give each other hope that things can be ok and even get better. Those are excellent reasons to stay here and meet the new folks or be here for the ones who are just lurking.
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  iamfreenow

  Losing my sense of belonging, having spent so long as a Witness, was my greatest cause for concern when I decided to leave the Society. I had made so many friends over the years, and the thought of losing almost all of them virtually overnight was a daunting prospect, to say the least.

  It hasn't been as bad as I imagined it would, however. I have taken up other interests, including a couple of evening classes, and been attending a local church which has fulfilled my spiritual need in ways the Kingdom Hall never did, so I still have a sense of belonging anyway. I feel that however much I lost by leaving the JWs, I have gained far more in the new life I am building now.
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  Paisley

  I don't miss that sense of camaraderie in the organization, Wanderer, because I never felt it. I know many did however. Seems especially the brothers had that.
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  AK - Jeff

  Very thought provoking, Rich.

  I recall at one point in my life, I moved my family to an area 1000 miles from our home. I remember thinking how difficult it was, even when I was with fellow witnesses, that I had no 'common background' with them. We could not talk about the grocery store that used be on the corner over there, or reminisce about the time the local high school won state. There was no common history.

  I felt a similar set of emotions when leaving the Jw's. All I had in life was my cult experience, and most people could care less about that. I had ignored my former friends and my family all my life in favor of the future 'real life' held out as my hope for the future. No hobbies. No direction other than that supplied for me by my former captors. It was like walking out into a bright light after being confined in a cave for decades.

  This forum did nothing to replace the 'cave'. Rather it was a place to associate with others who had also escaped the cave. Eventually we find ourselves able to 'relate' with the world around us - but it is comforting to find those who understand what we left as we adjust to the light.

  Jeff
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  lonelysheep

  No, because I never really fit in with them to begin with. It always seemed like I was the only one not raised in it, not married to a man who was also a jw or at least attended with me, and the one to not see a point in spending every waking minute w/jw and only jw's.
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  truthsetsonefree

  Being that I grew up a Witness this was a big issue. It was one of the reasons why I hung around so long. I was trying to figure out what to do with that feeling. How to express it. My feelings in this regard have evolved slowly. First I began to realize that I could use my job for some of that. I work for a very large governmental entity and am part of a team doing something that benefits people.
  
  Then I got involved in some community activities. And I began to see that arena as a place where I could fill my sense of belonging and the desire to help others on a charitable level. And that primed me for the big breakthrough. One that was so obvious once I saw it: I belong to the HUMAN RACE! That is the "organization." That is the place where I can have all of my needs fulfilled in this area. That we are all interdependent, even if we don't yet realize it. And the West is a great place to explore this as we have basic freedoms built in to our societies. It was then that I realized that I needed to make a difference in society at large, in my own small way. By my dealings with everyone. By giving unconditional love to all. By helping others when I can. By caring for myself, since in caring for myself I make a valuable contribution to humankind as a whole. That is the essence of my freedom. I hope that sharing it helps someone out there.
  
  tsof
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  Van Gogh

  Yes; my life has been a roller coaster ever since I left just over a year ago. I jumped - last minute - head first into a career as a lawyer. I opened up to others and and received in return. I found great support and precious people; they saved my life. But it means working 12 hours a day. I am tired. I also met someone very precious to me that I opened up to after many barren years of holding back. I love her with all my heart. Always will. We seperated a couple of hours ago. I feel lost once again. This is an understatement. Mainly I lost my God. There is little to fall back on except for the few precious friends I will always have. I was always an outsider, but at least the fairy tale was sweet. Life turned out to be a mystery after all.
  
  Roy