Apostate College

Paralipomenon

Welcome to Apostate College!

Let's design courses that we can offer to be in line with Dubs views of apostates.

I formally offer:

Weeping
Yes, you are gone. It's upsetting to finally realize it, but you are no longer an active witness. While outside you think that it's like a huge burden lifted off your shoulders, eventually you will have to face the facts that you will never be able to go back to the congregation. A good session on weeping is in order and this is the course for you! At the end you will be able to bawl your eyes out at your sad plight. Advanced weepers have been known to rip their clothes apart and throw dust in the air. If you feel that weeping can be your strong point, I'd suggest not dusting your home so you will have a good supply for when you graduate.

Gnashing
This is usually offered in conjunction with the Weeping course. Once outside in the darkness you will need to Gnash your teeth. What is this Gnashing, and how can you get started? Excellent questions that this course intends to demonstrate.

Advanced Gnashing (optional)
Not satisfied with ordinary gnashing? Let a certified orthodontist show you the particulars on how to gnash without requiring costly dental work.

Stumbling in darkness
Cast out from the light you no longer are affected by the divine strobe light of enlightenment. Now you will need to learn to stumble around. This is what happens when you try to move. With this course you can give the appearance of stumbling around even when it is light out. Passing witnesses will marvel at the wreck you have become.

Anyone else care to add to the offering?

betterdaze

Starting Your Own Church

All apostates who leave Jehovah start their own church. It is a known fact.
Learn how to draw away Jehovah's followers into your very own church, in just 6 easy steps.

~Sue

lost_light06

Demon Possession 101: In this course we will cover the basic's in being possessed by demons, as all Apostates are. The basic skills covered will be:

1. Talking to demons
2. Attacking Jehovah's Witnesses in the ministry
3. Flailing about on the floor in an uncontrolled state
4. Speaking in tongues

Prerequisites to this course are: Persecuting 101 and Basic Algebra

bigmouth

Returning To Vomit:

Learn to behave like the unclean dog you are by returning to the filth and lies you once discarded.

You will learn how to consider other points of view objectively, empathise with complete strangers and live a balanced lifestyle without recourse to the numbing effects of alcohol and the use of tranquilizing medicine! And your friends will still love you even if you make a mistake.

darth frosty

Re-bathing the sow-A remidial course

lawrence

How to create a Molten Calf Worship -- Level 101:

An object of worship among the Hebrews, mention of which occurs principally in Ex., xxxii, where the story of the molten calf of Aaron is narrated, and in II Kings, xii (cf. 2 Chronicles 11), in connection with the policy of Jeroboam after the schism of the ten tribes. The modern day calf is the WTS. Brooklyn Bethel has replaced the holy spots on hills, the temple in Jerusalem, and the Moloch drop-in centers.

This course entails the establishment of diversity from the mainstream, namely:

Why worship Jesus when you can worship Russell, Rutherford, Knorr and Franz, and the new bozos Ted et.al.?

Why listen to Biblical Scholarship when you can revel in the "holy oracles" from New York?

Why use blood, when you can kill your kid and get a few condolences from the elders (if they're not too busy on a stake out waiting to screw someone)?

Why love your family when they're spiritually dead, and you can worship the molten calf from Brooklyn in the form of a CO/DO visit?