by Nellie 23 Replies latest jw friends
Happy Anniversary,
Ask yourself this questions
What would change for the better if you did invite them, will things get better or worse if they come, will tension ease by an invitation or are you or someone looking for something that isn't there?
abr
Happy Anniversary!
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If they come, will they sit in judgement at every little thing said and done? If they don't come and are not invited they will still sit in judgement. What will the gossip be if they see you having a good time, possibly saying something a jw will be offended at, kids acting like kids and general party type atmosphere. I'm with Blondie on this one, if my jw goes before me there will be NO jw's at his funeral.
When I made up the guest list - they were not on it. My sister (who is hosting this event) decided to invite a cousin from out of state. This cousin has never been a witness and questioned whether her brother and our other cousins (who are witnesses) were coming. That's how this whole thing started. So last night I called the non-witness cousin and explained the situation to her. (She "praised God" that we were no longer "one of them.")
Bottom line, these people are my family and I love them - but we're not close in the everyday sort of closeness. We're not even close in the long-distance sort of closeness. No picture exchanges, no phone calls, no nothing really. See because we don't talk, none of the family knows that we've left.
Actually during the conversation with my cuz, we started talking about how all of the witness couples (except her brother) have all been married longer than me - and NO I have never been invited to any of their parties. Period. Even though I was in one of their weddings 27/28 years ago.
The reality is I live in Florida - they live in Michigan, Maine, New York and Pennsylvania. I think I'll let the word leak out through my cousin and see what happens. They're the easy ones - it's that father-in-law decision that's really hard.
Greetings Nellie
They do not deserve to be invited. They'll only take pleasure in not attending.
Invite them and you'll runin your party! Mark my words!
Dismembered
I'm speaking speaking as an outsider that is looking in. I've never been a JW, but my JW friends have indicated that Anniversaries are okay to celebrate. This being the case, if you would like to invite them, I would do so. If they start hammering you about the WTS, then you should very kindly say that you have some issues that need to be solved, and that you really don't think the tme and place is at your party. (You have to be prepared for it, should it happen, but make sure ahead of time that you are not going to be angered or pulled into an argument.) Then let them know how wonderful it is to see them and how much they mean to you. I don't think you can ever go wrong by erring on the side of love.
Just be prepared. Realize that perhaps they will not respond in a manner that you hope, and that it is not anything against YOU personally. They are being told instructed by hard hearts on how to behave toward you, and they are afraid to go against those authorities. In their hearts, they probably long to have a connection with you.
Have a wonderful Anniversary party and congratulations on 25 years together!
It is your party, and it is your HOME...therefore, send them an invitation because YOU are above being petty and judgemental and will invite them because they are family, and that hasnt changed. If they dont come, you did the right thing in inviting them. If they do come, and they start any JW shit...show them the door. Have somebody ELSE keep an eye on them and watch for conversations that may be escalating in corners.
Enjoy your 25th with a clear conscience.
My son is graduating from High School this spring. I will probably invite people who are shunning me. People who dont take part in my life because they shun me. But I dont follow the JW Rules of Humanity and the Lack Thereof.
So yeah...invite em. It only costs you a stamp and there will be no fodder for gossip about you.
Will you miss them not being there? Will you fell guilty not inviting them? What does your "gut" tell you to do?
I agree with Elsewhere. Invite them but tell them Jehovah has to wait for them outside in the car. If you don't think they can come without trying to ruin a meaningful event like you 25th then don't invite them. And Happy Anniversary!!
The only one I would miss is my father-in-law. But he's so full of disappointment in us that I'm sure he would be a real downer. Actually, I'm not even sure if he would come. But I can't see us not inviting him - That's really the right thing to do. It's not like we plan on having an orgy or anything crazy, but I'm sure he'll notice that nobody from the congregation is there and feel uncomfortable. And then if he doesn't come, that will be just another hurt - him choosing not to come...
And then if he doesn't come, that will be just another hurt - him choosing not to come...
Well thats a catch 22 aint it now. But if you DONT invite him then you are assuming he is going to do the above and you are assuring that this happens. You sound like you are getting set up to hurt in any event hon. But dont project, dont make this a self fulfilling prophecy. Invite them and let them be the ones to DECIDE their own actions. You did the right thing by inviting them and if they dont come...at least that was THEIR choice and not you deciding for them.
