Help! My fade about to be blown by my wife's obituary

lighthouse19something

My wife of 27 years is about to pass away, she's requested do not revive or resuscitate, and she is no longer conscious. Her sister wants to put which church she's been attending in her obituary, I don't want to make things difficult for my jw mother, (she knows about our fade) by other jws.

AudeSapere

I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

Do you *have* to mention a church?? Can you just skip over that part and mention family members and people who have been supportive during her illness??

I don't know obituary protocol. Just a thought.

-Aude.

serendipity

(( lighthouse )) This must be tough for you, without all the JW worries to add to it. I agree with Aude, can't you leave out the church reference? Or, do you have to print an obituary?

Fatfreek

I along with everyone reading your post are so empathetic with your position.

For what it's worth, my older brother (not a JW) from Moultrie, Ga, passed a few months ago. His wife (also, not a JW) had just filed bankruptcy so what she proceeded to do was inexpensive and definitely "low key" -- and I certainly had no problem with it -- was not to have a service at all in any church or funeral home. There was no burial and no memorial stonework.

He was cremated and the plastic urn is still in her living room.

She decided to have "a celebration of Warren's life", she notified a few of their close friends, and they all met at Burger King one Wednesday morning at 10 am. when BK is not too busy. One of her friends made a cake, another a few snacks, and Burger King provided the drinks -- coffee and sodas.

Only after the fact did she submit an obituary text to the newspaper. It was one paragraph.

I'm not suggesting any of this for you. But, if your conscience permits, you certainly are allowed by law (here in the U.S.) to rethink everything with respects to your own situation.

Fats

blondie

I read the obits everyday to see if a schoolmate has died or a workmate or a family member. I read others just out of curiosity. I have noticed that many do not have a religious affiliation listed and the service is held at a funeral home. I would think that her church would be sensitive to that and cooperate.

Blondie

Highlander

Fatfreak,

Wow, I personally think that 'funeral' arrangement was wonderful. Sure it was simple, but it was heartfelt and involved only those that were truly important to your brother.

That's the way I want to leave this planet, knowing that my most cherished ones are celebrating my life in their own way.

becca1

I'm very sorry.

As the husband I would hope you have the first say as to what will be posted in the obituary.

Scully

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You have my sincere condolences.

The obituary doesn't necessarily have to include the venue where the memorial service takes place.

It can say something along the lines that your wife's final wishes were to have a private family only ceremony, or that it will be at the funeral home that is taking care of the arrangements.

You can make requests for donations in your wife's name to the hospital where she received care or to the charity of her choice, or to the charity of the donors' choice.

You can make the obituary as generic or specific as you like, nothing is written in stone. Some people don't even put an obituary in the newspaper, they just arrange things privately. Don't feel compelled to put in information that will compromise your position with regard to the WTS. You have enough on your plate at this time, without having to worry about the Elders™ or your mother-in-law creating havoc for you.

Lady Liberty

Dear Lighthouse,

(((HUGS)))) I am so very sorry to hear about your wife! We are here for you!!

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

lighthouse19something

When I got off the computer , my sister-in-law came by and my wife had passed at 9;30 pm (we had rotated watching) and my s-i-l is the one that wants to do the obit. My wife was so involved with the other church, I don't see any way of getting it omitted, and they have been so supportive, it' seems unfair not to mention it or at least the pastor. My wife didn't really know anyone in the town we in now (my mother's town). so maybe I can have it put in her home town paper only.

Thanks for of your concern, the blood issue was a biggie, and she fought for every extra day of life.

Help! My fade about to be blown by my wife's obituary

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