Why did you want to be reinstated?

Had Enough

First off, I apologize if this subject has been hashed out before or even lately...I haven't noticed it if it has, but I need to ask it now, as it affects my family as I'm sure it does now, or has in the past, affected many of you here.

I have a daughter who is a very active JW, and a very typical one. If the WTS says it, it has to be so...or if she doesn't down deep agree with it, then God will eventually fix it, but for the time being she is supposed to go along with it....etc. etc. etc.

This is how she feels about df'ing, da'ing and the resulting shunning..even of a close family member, like her brother whom she adores. She believes, as she has been taught, that the "shunning will cause the unrepentant one to feel ashamed" and "missing ones family will cause that one to see the error of his ways and want to be reinstated."

It isn't working in his case maybe partly because I'm there for him and won't shun him. We have a great relationship and that perhaps helps him and he feels resentful that they treat him this way rather that "try to help him" if they are so convinced this religion will save his life.

I know in my case, I hurried up my application for reinstatement because of my father's health. I was panicky that he would die before I could spend some time with him. I think I even fooled myself into believing I had the right motives...wanting to please God. I know now that family was my real motivation.

My daughter can't understand why shunning isn't working on him the way the WTS says it should.

So to my question:

Did the shunning cause you to miss your family and friends, and therefore help make you "see the error of your ways and want to return to God?" or did you return only because you missed your family and/or friends and only want their association again? Or how does it affect you now if you are presently df'd etc?

I hope you can help me with this as I want to try to help her understand.

Thanks all.

think41self

Hi Had Enough,

I'm sorry you too have been negatively affected by this policy. I can answer the last part of your question. Hubby and I both have been df'd for little over two years now. ALL OF OUR FAMILIES on both sides are JW's(except my sweet sister ) and I will NEVER, EVER EVER EVER be reinstated. Once I broke free of the mind control, the whole IDEA of shunning me to "get me to come to my senses" just pisses me off!! The way I see it, my family is making a choice. If they don't want a relationship with me and my kids, then that's fine. I told them, you want to consider me as dead? Well, that works both ways. Don't call me, don't write me...don't expect me to come to your funerals. Expect the same from me. That way I could do my grieving and get on with my life.

Just MY OWN personal experience and opinion. I am not suggesting that for anyone else. You would have to know my family to understand.

think41self

"Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

Had Enough

Hi think..

Thanks for your sharing your story. I feel so bad when I hear of ones who never see their family but I totally understand how it makes you feel. I makes me both sad and angry to see families torn apart because of this, but I'm so glad you at least have your sweetie sister.

I'm sure I would feel as you do..that they have made the choice so, so-be-it. That's how my son feels too, and on top of it, he actually feels a bit of relief for now from their constant "well-meaning" guilt-trips of do better, do more etc.

My daughter I guess like most JWs turns it around and says he's made the choice to "cause" their shunning. Such roundabout thinking boggles my mind.

Shaneliza

Hello Had Enough,

The shunning I receive was and still is hurtful, but it has never made me want to go back. In fact it has firmed my resolve to stay out. Anyone/group who uses emotional blackmail as a tool to control you, is not something I want to be part of. I also have a sister and brother who are df'd, so that does make it easier for me. We are extremely close and lean on each other a great deal.

Some are guilted into being reinstated, but I believe the majority of the df'd, see the BORG's tactics for what they are.

nelly136

I saw the shunning as emotional blackmail too. 'We have your family hostage if you dont conform you will lose them.'
The isolation is designed to hurt and force someone to do something theyd rather not, I agree with think4 its all about control,
some find that they cant exist without their families and go back,
imagine them sitting their unhappily for the rest of their days not because theyre motivated by the borgs loving spirit but because they were deprived of their families.
Personally I found the shunning made it easier, it brought home to me that I'd never been loved for me just as a prospective jw clone and the minute I failed quality control I was disposable goods,
nelly

Had Enough

Thanks Shaneliza for your contribution.

I really feel too that it is such a hurtful thing that it does more harm than good..truly blackmail is what it is.

I'm glad you have family that you "can" associate with as I'm sure that eases the pain somewhat of the pain the rest of the family causes.

ps. to any others replying....I have to leave for several hours but will be happy to answer your replies later...Thanks

BlackMan4Life

I will NEVER want to go back that organization. Going back to that org. will be like me joining the KKK. However, the few people I know that went back, did so b/c they wanted connections w/ their families.
Once they got reinstated they became inactive - it's all politics.

The longer I'm out of the BORG the more I can't believe I was involve w/ it in the first place. Shunning is such an Evil practice. Honestly I can't really fault my family for shunning b/c they are brainwashed into thinking that shunning is the best way to show me love. Thus my anger is with the BORG for instituting such an outdated, wicked and vile practice.

Peace - Larry

[email protected]

roybatty

Why I’ll never, EVER seek reinstatement….

1. Don’t want my two kids to be JWs.
2. Being held emotionally hostage is not something I desire again.
3. Um..how should I put this? Ah yes, the WT teachings are simply false.
4. F-R-E-E-D-O-M!!!!
5. I love being an active member of the community. (Do JWs really think that they’re helping the community???)
And finally, I hope that my example will cause others, especially my family, to leave this destructive cult.

biblexaminer

I know a young woman (JW) who was recently re-instated. I guess it was smoking that got her the axe.

Well, she hardly ever went to the meetings before. I am sure that she told the elders where to go when she was caught.

Interestingly, the "emotional blackmail" paid off for the elders. She 'felt the pain' and the friction in her marriage. So ALAKAZAM her atendance was 100%. She kissed some serios elder ass, wiped the chocolate from her face, and got herself re-instated.

I am sure her attendance will continue to be 100% for a little while, such that the elders don't 'annul' her status (can they do that?)

I give her 3 months, and then she will start to trail off.

datsdethspicable

I wanted to be reinstated at first because of my mom. She took it badly and I was worried for her. But, now after 6 yrs. of being out I feel like I can breathe and think for the first time in my life. That drowning feeling is gone. Even though I don't have my family around me anymore. I am truly at peace and have a personal relationship with God without an organization in the way

Why did you want to be reinstated?

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