What do you tell your kids about you're exit or near to exit WTS ?

by Ancientofdays 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Ancientofdays

  In the last year I made myself aware of WTS. Then I resigned from elder, I stopped service , I stopped family study, but I'm still a formal JW.

  My wife is still a convinced JW, and we often "discuss" (really sometime we scream a bit too much).

  She is continuing family study with the kids , and going service with them.

  So far I decided to avoid any specific talk with the kids , regarding my new opinions and what I think about WTS, but time will come to approach them.

  My feeling is that any JW kid is from the early age under influence of the WTS literature and can easly react to anybody (doesn't matter too much if ia parent) talking against WTS , by creating a barricade.

  What do/did you tell your kids (mine are 8, 10 and 13) in order to avoid they reject you ?
• 

  carla

  Maybe this will be helpful?

  http://freeminds.org/kids/kids.htm (what to tell the kids, how being a jw affects children, etc...)
• 

  InquiryMan

  I was also an elder, but quit four years ago, and DA this January. My wife and I left at the same time. My parents and sisters and grandmothers are all in the organization, as well as my mother in law and her husband. We have not been to any meetings in four years. When stopping, I did have a conversation with two elders explaining my views in a respectful way. And were left alone. All our friends and work mates etc consider us as ex-witnesses. However, they could not leave us alone. Some witnesses reported my wife as having christmas decorations in the window, and two elders came to her door. We are divorced now, but have remained the best of friends. We decided to make a joint statement that we no longer regarded ourselves as members of the local congregation, in order to take hold of our own fate in a way. It was not a formal DA letter, but a letter that obviously would be interpreted that way. As we all know there is no way of leaving the witnesses without reprisals. So, now, after four years, we are finally "privileged" of being shunned.

  My children are now 9, 11 and 15 (obviously then 5, 7 and 11 when we left)... My eldest son stated past week that he was so glad we left and that he actually wanted to quit earlier than we did. He did attend TMS school and was a good, obedient JW kid. But he adhered to his parents faith as most kids do at that age. How many kids actually have the same inclinations while being fine JW kids??? Must be many... My 2nd son said last week to his mom: You know, mom, when we attended meetings, it was so boring. I only remember playing with dinosaurs.... (and the food in the intermessions of the assemblies) - so not that much harm done.

  I guess we were soft on teaching them, I never mentioned Armageddon or the Great Tribulation to them when a witness. I remember how horrified I was as a child with the awfaul illustrations in the Paradise Lost - Paradise Regained book. I had nightmares and did not to convey that. Still I remained a dedicated and obedient witness until 39, although harboring doubts for quite some time. It is often a hard and winding road to leave the Watchtower organization.

  I wish you the best, it is not easy to live in a divided household. The obvious advantage you have is that you know the mindset of the witnesses and know how they react and speak. Respect one another. I wish you the very best.... And can vividly imagine your feelings in this situation.

  I
• 

  TheListener

  This is a really tough question and situation.

  Based on your post I assume you don't want your kids to choose being dubs unless they've heard the pros and cons of being one.

  What you say and how you say it really depends on your relationship with your wife and other dub family members. Kids aren't real good at keeping secrets. So whatever you tell them will get around. If you don't mind getting disfellowshipped or having your wife really angry with you and quite possibly being labeled an apostate there are many things you can do.

  Do you currently plan on remaining a christian? If so, you could find some literature (both hard copy and online) aimed at christian parents and children. For the younger one an example would be WhitsEnd.org. For yourself family.org may be helpful as well.

  Whether remaining a christian or not I recommend teaching your children to think for themselves. Teach them critical thinking abilities. I use television commercials aimed at children as a prime way to accomplish this. If you want more detail on that feel free to pm me. Your witness wife shouldn't object as long as you don't use the WTS in a direct reference.

  I also make sure my children understand that anyone who says they have all the answers DOESN'T.

  Good luck.
• 

  LeslieV

  I think leaving with my three daughters was the most challenging decision in my life. At the time they were 6, 9, 12. My 12 year old was very involved in the religion. Was an unbaptized pub, used in parts etc. Also, I divorced my JW elder husband at the sametime. So I let them leave alittle at a time. My 12 and 6 year old still wanted to attend the meetings so I let the JW's pick them up. They got tired of that after awhile and it stopped. Also, I put my children in after school activities, things that in the past they were not allowed to do. I got them involved in art, sports after awhile they didn't have time for the meetings etc. I have to say it took years to get rid of the brainwashing, but today they are all in college and recognize the JW religion as a cult. Good luck we are here for you.

  Leslie
• 

  nvrgnbk

  Hello,

  The best way to help yourkids is to teach them critical thinking skills. Questions are much more effective than accusations. I once asked my then 10 y.o. how he would react if I reached his grandfather's age in this system without Armageddon having arrived. His reply: I'd say "Dad, we got screwed". I knew there was hope for the guy.

  Best wishes.

  P.S. Emphasize that the decision is theirs to make and you'll support them no matter what. You only want them to have considered all options before making such a life-altering decision. Too many of us based our decision on teachings and doctrines that the organization has since conveniently discarded( the 1914 generation & some annointed must remain on earth at the time of Armageddon ).
• 

  TheListener

  LeslieV, thanks for your experience. I needed to hear that today.
• 

  candidlynuts

  i have to tiptoe around my kids because the ex has custody.

  i mostly encourage them to think for theirselves using non religious topics

  i have said more lately because my youngest is scheduled to be baptized.he's not 11 yet.

  way too young.
• 

  TheListener

  I'm so sorry Candidly.

  I dread the day my children get baptized. I can hardly take it when they attend the meetings.

  At each step the organization gets its hooks in a little deeper; meeting attendance, commenting, field service, TMS talks, baptism, etc etc etc.

  The best point to save someone is before all of that begins.

  This thread is freaking me out!! I better work harder and smarter at this.
• 

  cruzanheart

  My husband (Big Tex) quit going to meetings before the kids were born. I kept going for 13 years after he stopped (yeah, I know, but I'm really REALLY stubborn and figured if I held out Jehovah would somehow fix things). Once the kids came along, I took them with me to the meetings. When they got old enough to ask why Daddy didn't go to the meetings, he explained to them that he didn't feel like it was the right place for him to be. Very simple.

  It was easy when I left: Jennie was 8 and Jackson was 6, and when I announced that we would no longer be going to meetings, they cheered! We've kept it a positive experience, and only Jackson had a momentary regret about not attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall. His reason? "I got good sleep there." (He'd fall asleep as soon as the first song was over and wake up at the last "Amen.")

  Their Witness "friends" didn't really hang out with them too much anyway, since I wasn't part of the "In" crowd, so when all contact ceased -- out of sight, out of mind, you know -- they were able to see those "friends" for what they really were, which is a valuable life lesson.

  Nina