How to keep a JW away from your door

DJK

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. 3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside

Gopher

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1673926/posts

Woman in doghouse over Jehovah's Witness sign

Yahoo News ^ | 07/28/2006
Posted on 07/28/2006 12:58:54 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd

LONDON (Reuters) - A British woman has been ordered by police to take down a sign on her garden gate which read "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses."

Janet Grove, who owns a terrier puppy called Rabbit, insisted the sign was a gentle joke to discourage callers at her front door.
Her late husband put the sign up more than 30 years ago when members of the church called at their house on Christmas Day.
But police were forced to act after receiving a complaint.

"We were informed by a member of the public who found the sign to be distressing, offensive and inappropriate," a police spokesman said. "Officers attended the address and the sign was voluntarily taken down."

avidbiblereader

Put a coffee shop with snacks next to your home, when they get out, to keep their time running and one last call to finish up with 2 1/2 hours they will drive to other side of the moon.

abr

Brother Apostate

Good old political correctness proves it's worthlessness once again.

Abandoned

Or ... *ding ding ding* ... the number one way to keep jehovah's witnesses away from your door ... *pause for effect* ... Listen to your intuition and ask the obvious questions.

greendawn

The simplest and most effective way is to write a notice to the effect that "we are ex JWs we have already rejected the teachings of the JW governing body".

Dismembered

avidbiblereader

Dismembered that is funny and if you cant laugh at that, well, I don't know what will make you laugh.

abr

Jim_TX

You may not be able to keep them from knocking on your door, but you should be able to send them running with a few 'tricks'...

1) Answer the door and yell "Praise thu lawd! My prayers are answered! The almighty has sent me someone! Now let us hold hands and pray together and thank thu lawd for his guidance and leading me to finding someone to help me... *pause* get to the grocery store!"

2) Answer the door sneezing - wheezing- and coughing... wiping nose with finger... allow the JWs to start their schpeel - then interrupt saying, "Thanks!" - take the magazines from them - then blow nose on front of magazine. (Of course... this will feed into their game - as they will no doubt count the magazines as being 'placed'.)

3) Answer the door - and say something like... "I've already been saved... and by the power of Jeeezus can HEAL! Brothers, are ye in need of healing?" Holding hand, flat with the palm extended, move towards them, as if to place palm on their forehead. Watch them run.

There are many others... just be creative. Chances are, you'll get added to their 'Do Not Call' list. Possibly forever.

Regards,

Jim TX

Abandoned

3) Answer the door - and say something like... "I've already been saved... and by the power of Jeeezus can HEAL! Brothers, are ye in need of healing?" Holding hand, flat with the palm extended, move towards them, as if to place palm on their forehead. Watch them run.

ROFLMAO!!! OK, I'm doing this the next time they come to my door. I don't know if they will anymore though. I think I have a reputation around here of being an apostate. I don't know how I got it though....

How to keep a JW away from your door

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