Then and now, your journey on JWD

by greendawn 23 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Abandoned

  I was convinced that posting here would be the final step to becoming evil incarnate. But, what happened instead is I finally came to terms with what a bag of air the jehovah's witnesses are selling.

  So, even though I have a plethora of stupid problems, I'm more sane and more logical than ever before. I do have my bad days, but they don't last as long and I'm able to reason my way out of them myself now. Yep, the smartest thing I ever did was come face to face with the crap I learned from the jw and get the healing I needed.
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  Confession

  1st Post, June 29th, 2004: I have been disfellowshipped for a little over a month. I continue to be troubled about the subject of confession. It's nagged at me since I was an elder years before, but now--since it was part of the reason I was DFd--I just can't vanquish it from my mind. Since I can't speak to my family or friends, I come (trembling) to JWD.

  August, 2004: I read something on Randy Watters' Freeminds site about his experiences leaving Bethel. His realization that the organization was proving itself to be full of "Judaizers" grabbed hold with me.

  September 15th, 2004: I read Tom Cabeen's "Does God Work Through an Organization." That day I learned what I needed to know that the Watchtower Society was not what it claimed to be.

  May 29th, 2005: For many months I've devoured everything I can find online. I make my second JWD post. I am now "out of the program," but remember feeling bothered that contributors here were not more considerate about how questioning JWs would react to their coarse language and expressions. I liked much of what I read, but I wanted to say, "Hey, guys! New people are coming here. Let's make sure we don't act like the people the WTS says ex-JWs are." I eventually realize that, while this place is for new JWs, it's also for people who've been damaged--and demonstrates their attempts to cope with the damage.

  Today: I come here nearly every day of my life. I don't know that I'll ever actually get over my experience in the Watchtower religion, but at least I feel free and am so glad for it. If anything I write ever helps someone else, I admit I feel great satisfaction over it. And I appreciate the contributions made by so many others.

  Thank You.

  Confession
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  prophecor

  What was your journey here like?

  I was virtually devestated when coming on board here. It was like having the unsinkable ship you were a passenger on being torpedoed out of the water. Mind you, though I was a mere prisoner in the brig, I at least I was comfortable. I had reason and room for my doubts in myself and guilt to get me back into the Kingdom Hall, one day. Now, I know I'll never set foot in another Kingdom Hall or an assembly. I don't have the overwhelming degree of guilt attached to my life. I don't necessarilly feel I'm wearing a bull's eye on my back, waiting for Jehovah to take a swing at me. I'm not so un-inclined to listen to the beliefs of a faith that is not ours, and can actually hear when teachers from other religious institutions actually make sense and can hear when they too, speak "The Truth" .

  I realise that we do not have a monopoly on being the only ones learned in the Scriptures. That other people who do not worship like us, also have a working, demostrable faith that is evident in thier lives.There are those who, if given the opportunity, can run circles around the things we held up as truth. I have found refreshment in knowing I can rely on deep truths from God's word, can come from sources absolutely un-attached to the WTB&TS.

  Thank You John Hagee.
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  AuldSoul

  When I came here I had only one beef with the organization: The Associate membership they had with the UN/DPI. I knew that subject thoroughly, inside and out, upside down and sidewise.

  It was enough to form a crack in my worldview sufficient to allow other things to pour in. That is what you all have done, in hundreds of little ways. You have filled the empty spaces of my worldview with your own thoughts. I have considered every viewpoint I have responded to and tried to keep as my own those I agreed with.

  If I had not had this place I would still only have one issue that I knew was thoroughly wrong. I would probably be an angry person, the stereotypical ranting apostate, frustrated by a deep and abiding sense of the wrongness of it all and unable to pin down more than just that one issue that I know so well.

  From JWD I found hundreds of doctrinal, procedural, and behavioral problems to become an expert on. So, now I can be calmly confident that I made the right decision to leave them. Through the digesting and internally distilling of other ideas expressed here, I have arrived at a few undeniably false doctrines, undeniably unscriptural procedures, and undeniably unscriptural behaviors that JWs not only routinely practice, but that they teach as God's requirements. These are things that they will disfellowship you for rejecting and God doesn't even require them.

  I don't think I would have reached that place without JWD.

  I have been able to hone my argumentation skills here, as well. It has taught me to cut through the emotionalist mire of beliefs and get right to the merits of basis for those beliefs. In discussion with JWs I don't get easily sidetracked. The errors are clear and huge, focusing on them has helped a number of JWs to validate their choice to leave/fade.

  In large measure I owe that ability with reaching JWs to JWD.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul
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  anewme

  Like some of the others have said, leaving the JWs was very traumatic for me.
  I found this site 4 years after that. I came trembling and excited at the same time, starved for a kindred spirit. But at the time I was still convinced the JWs had the truth and I was a terrible loser.
  Now, I see the reasons for my unhappiness in the JWs was not all my own fault. The repression and regimentation and forced involvement and lack of fun and joy and mind control were all too much for me. I am a simple flower spirit.
  
  Now coming up to two years on JWD I am more at peace about my departure from the cult. I left many friends and relatives behind I will never see again. I am now ok with that.
  I have regained a stronger sense of self and inner calm and have reconnected with beauty and nature and life again which brings me immense happiness.
  I have also married a handsome young man who daily teaches me the joy of love and living. My days are so easy and happy now, I have to wonder if the witnesses were wrong about that too, that God really has been watching out for me all along.
  
  
  Anewme
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  Good Girl or Bad Girl?

  When I first came here I felt lost, scared, confused, anxious, and like I had just in my heart abandoned the "only true religion" because it made me so depressed, but I didn't know why I couldn't hack it.

  Now, I feel content, and like for the first time in my life I have inner peace. I don't have all the answers, but I've been able to realize that's OK, even welcome. I have met so many nice people, and learned what unconditional love feels like.

  I come here just about every day because it feels like therapy. I know I'm not alone, I hope that when I post that I help someone, but by reading and posting I always help myself. My JW family thinks that is selfish to look out for myself and try to do what is best for me, but that is not how I see it. I've learned that it is so important to help ourselves, and to work towards what makes us feel content and at peace, and to really live life everyday, right now. Because that allows us to be available and able to help each other.
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  Sad emo

  I was a total forum virgin when I arrived - I actually had to get someone else to register for me and make my first post to show me how it was done!!

  I was depressed and suicidal most of the time but once I'd plucked up enough courage to post I found support here to help me through the roughest patches.

  I was very frightened of not being accepted - when I got my first flaming, I nearly quit - but I'm glad I plucked up enough courage to wade back in and try again

  My beliefs had also got slightly messed by studying with the JW's, so I'm able to straighten those out here too.

  Now - I'm less suicidal (still a way to go yet though), you guys feel like family and I'm able to have disagreements without fearing the entire world will collapse around my ears!

  Thanks all and ((((hugs))))
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  nvrgnbk

  I know I'm still a newbie so being on this thread at all may be presumptuous. However, I've been reading here for two years+. I want to thank all who are here.I even love the apologists, for they convince me further that I've made the right decision. Even the widest, deepest, most powerful river is made up of tiny droplets of water. All play an important role. To sum up my feelings about the effect JWD has had on me:

  NO MORE GUILT!
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  Madame Quixote

  Wow, nvrgoinbk! It's hard to imagine people reading here for over 2 years and never posting. congratulations on finally joining in here! Welcome. I did not know about jwd until a little over a year ago and have been out of the org for years, but can't imagine not having this forum. It's so weird. It's an addiction, I think. I'm a little tipsy right now, though. Wow. that just blows my mind that someone would just hang out and never speak at all. Anyway, i'm glad you're here and nvrgnbk!
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  greendawn

  These were great posts they confirm once more that reading and posting on this forum is a therapeutic experience as time goes on. There have been so many testimonials about this. When I left back in the 1980's there was no internet otherwise I would have cleared up many doubts much quicker, learnt things faster. And of course here there is a lot of support from fellow members even if of the online kind, which often turns to real life meetings.