I'm dating 2 girls right now and I'm trying to build a relationship with either, just seeing where I land, but I don't know if I can be romantic. Asking a girl out is no problem, thats become easy, but actually getting intimate with them is hard for me because I don't want to be accussed of harrassment or something silly.
I want to blame it on the fact that I don't have experience and that I'm just doing this late. Both girls have dated before, I'm not sure about past relationships. They haven't mentioned that, but I feel like I haven't done much compared to them.
My parents didn't let me date even until I was 17, 18 was kind of iffy. Is it because of a parent's care and safety thing? I'm the only child. Cultural thing? My mom is Korean. Religious thing? I don't remember the exact rules of those people, but from what I remember in that blue book, dates must have a chaperogne. I couldn't even see girls that went to the meetings. My mom was heavily against it, and I don't know about my dad. He wasn't that bad, but I think he was cheating at that time when I was 18.
I'm just wondering whats the parental reason behind that?
Thinking of it from a parent's perception, it would be different if I had a girl instead of a boy. I would be more protective of my daughter, and I wouldn't let her date depending on circumstances such as her maturity(does it seem like shes going to goggle over every boy?), the setting of the school(rich or poor school?), and who the boy is(I think I would communicate with my children a lot). Communication was missing from my family, partly because of my shyness and it was hard for me to say anything without my mom getting on my case. It got worse when I finally said I don't want to be a part of this organization anymore.
If I had a son, I'm not sure how I would communicate to him about things dealing with girls. I'm sure we would become close and that would make it easier for me to mentor him. I would let my son date early, early as middle school.
Why were my parents against dating and having anything to do with girls?
by tsunami_rid3r 13 Replies latest social relationships
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tsunami_rid3r
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Junction-Guy
Perhaps it was because they viewed girls as an obstacle to your spiritual growth. Their ultimate goal for you is to remain single and pioneer, or go to bethel.
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Bumble Bee
In the JW religion, dating is strictly to find a marrage partner, not for fun, and is taken very seriously.
Most JW parents would not let their "children" date until atleast 18, because dating is just to find a marrage mate!! (Repetition for emphasis! LOL)
You're still young (19) and have all the time in the world! Just date to have fun, you'll know when it's right to get intimate - being worried about harrasement won't come into the picture if it's right.
I was pleasantly surprised to learn that my brother and sis in law are ok with my neice having a "boy" friend - she's 13. It's not a serious romance or anything - but they are letting her experience things we were never allowed to. Kudos to them.
BB
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tsunami_rid3r
I think I get the gist of it. I haven't been to a meeting in years, which has caused me to block a lot of the dogma out of my memory. My mom did want me to attend Bethel, but as I got older and wanted to go to college instead, she slowly changed her mind towards college. I remember she viewed worldly girls as disgusting, as if they have STDs. I knew a few other teenagers from other congregations dated within the congregation, and I think they eventually got married... I still don't understand why I couldn't date any of the girls that went to my meeting? I remember I did have a few crushes in the congregation. PS: How do I keep my posts spaced like this on the first posting?
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DJK
Tsunami; I was just like you when I was 19. Looking back, and I have done that many times in 30 years, I feel I have shown a great deal of respect to the few I dated. Those short relationships, never having been intimate, would end without the added giult. That might be embarrasing to a young man, but when I got older I felt somewhat proud hearing how many woman felt greatly disrespected when they were young.
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anewme
Tsunami, you sound like a smart and honest young man who is sincerely looking for honest replies.
We would be less than honest to warn you that young cute girls out there who have had any sexual contact previous to you may indeed carry some STDs.
That said, I heard a report that indicated in a few years just about everyone will have an STD of some sort.
There are commercials on the television now about the prevalence of the HPV virus. It is so common and so many teens are getting it that they are talking of legislation to vaccinate all girls 12 years old.
Certain forms of the HPV virus cause cancer in women.
STDs usually are not life threatening but merely nuisances. Of course AIDS is no mere nuisance.
If you already have a virus it is very unkind to pass that on to a young woman who still looks forward to having healthy babies in the future. And she herself may not be aware she carries a virus to pass to you. Viruses can incubate from months to years.
Condoms do not protect entirely.
It is a serious thing to enter into physical relationships with the opposite sex. For thousands of years parents have tried to protect their young from entering this realm too soon before they have good judgement and can take responsibility for their actions.
Sometimes kids in cults have little experience with the opposite sex and this may be your situation.
Keeping it to just friendship for awhile may be a good idea.
Anewme
ps. to separate your paragraphs,write them as you wish, then put a check in the Automatic formatting box, not HTML, before you hit reply. That is what I do. -
tsunami_rid3r
How does the Witness dating system benefit their system? How does it work for them? What makes it work? Obviously thousands are still in the organization dating and getting married.
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5go
It doesn't
It is a hold over from the victorian age.
It hurts many people in fact.
I would never do their system ever again.
It is so confusing and regressive.
You need time alone with each other and they can't let that happen because they did something or someone else did someything not because you did anything.
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karnage
Dating is not allowed unless you have every intent on marrying the person. I remember back when I was in high school, I was dating a girl and some young sisters caught me kissing her in the hall before we went to class. They reported me to the elders and I was soon called into the back for some much needed counceling. Needless to say, I continued my association with this fine young lady that I was seeing.
I never understood why everyone has to be scolded for learning the opposite sex. If I were kissing another guy in school, I am sure that would have set off all kinds of bells and whistles. I kinda view trying to find a relationship like shopping for a car. You never buy the first one you see. You might have to test drive a few before you find the one that you want.
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5go
I never understood why everyone has to be scolded for learning the opposite sex. If I were kissing another guy in school, I am sure that would have set off all kinds of bells and whistles. I kinda view trying to find a relationship like shopping for a car. You never buy the first one you see. You might have to test drive a few before you find the one that you want.
funny I never get a test drive.