I am another of those with many small straws that piled up over the years.
They were all, however, related to the lack of love that I found in congregation after congregation. I had tried to convince myself for years that my issues about the lack of love were, in fact, MY issues because I was looking at the imperfections of men.
I found myself in a virtual limbo....unable to attend meetings, but overwhelmed with feelings of guilt because I was so "weak".
Finally, my husband and I vowed to do whatever it would take to get ourselves active again. My husband starting studying again with the elders (since he had been very new when we initially became inactive).
Since he was intent on understanding everything and getting all the points clear in his mind, he asked a LOT of questions.....a lot of questions that the elders couldn't answer with anything other than "you'll have to have faith, and wait on Jehovah".
The elders were getting very upset about the whole thing, and began looking for a way out, which they found by questioning my husband as to whether or not he smoked. My husband didn't lie, and told them that he did. They then gave him an ultimatum, which he couldn't meet.
During this whole process, I observed more lies and underhanded dealings from the elders than I had ever seen before. There was no attempt to help us regain our spirituality whatsoever. Then, at the committee meeting where my husband was formally df'd, the elder with whom I was speaking about the matter blatantly lied to me twice within several minutes--totally contradicting himself in the process.
It was at this point that I realized I could no longer return.
