Dating--Then & Now (page 2)

FreeGirl2006

Junction-Guy--you should definitely give it a try. What do you have to lose? You might have fun and meet some terrific women along the way.

Thanks Freegirl, right now Im just so broken and confused. Im gonna seek out some counseling and therapy first, then maybe work my self esteem and confidence back up, besides if and when I ever find another woman, Im gonna have to be honest up front and let her know of my background. I need to start enjoying life as a single man first, before I start any more relationships.

lisavegas420

Dating then: most brothers were warned to stay away from me for some reason. the few that did venture my way, were weak. I had a heavy makeout session with one witnesses guy. his appendix ruptured a few days later and he confessed everything to his dad, an elder. he thought he was being punished.

One guy, I met at an assembly in Cincinnati. Steve S. he was fine...and fun. He drove to KY to pick me up a few times, we'd go to the movies and such. Totally innocent. Then his dad, an elder got a call from the elders in my KH. I didn't see him anymore. I wonder if he's still in?,...Anyway..I put it out there. Steve S...lived in loveland OH.

lisa

FreeGirl2006

Junction-Guy--hey kudos to you for realizing that you need some therapy. It really does help for the broken marriage & any cultish ideas that still haunt you. Yes, definitely concentrate on getting yourself together first...you will have so much more to offer someone once you are ready to take that chance. A good therapist will walk you through that process too and help you pick someone more suited to you.

Lisavegas420--any dating "now" stories? sounds like you had some very typical dating "then" stories. The ruptured appendix story is a classic! Very funny even if that was not your intention.

Hmm..your shout out to Steve S makes me wonder....I had a Sandy S in my past...from NC. He was all that and a bag of chips...he was with someone the last time I saw him (2004) at a DA. Well, anyway...sometimes it is just best to have some beautiful memories I guess, but Sandy S if you read this...your green-eyed girl wouldn't mind talking to you.

kerj2leev

kerj2leev--you betcha! I mean haven't women been blamed for their man straying 'cause they can't keep them happy. I can't tell you how many married men have given me that line as a reason they should have an affair.

So Free what was your personal opinion of all these guys that gave you this line???? Did you go along with their logic, or was it a turn-off?

lisavegas420

This is more of a "After" memory rather that a "Now" memory.

When I was dating "worldly" men, I knew one thing. Once they had sex with me, they would either leave me (just like I was told they would do) or they would stay. If they stayed after we had sex, then I thought something was wrong with them, I mean why would a NICE guy stay with a slut? And if they didn't dump me, I would dump them, either because, something must be wrong with them and I wanted to go ahead and get it over with before we got in too deep and he figured out I wasn't what he thought I was, or I was afraid they were too nice to dump me and I wanted to save them the trouble. Sometimes I really really liked the guy, so in that case I would not have sex with him at all...then he would move on, because I was such a flake.

lisa

SB

if and when I ever find another woman, Im gonna have to be honest up front and let her know of my background.

Junction Guy,

This statement makes it sound like being a JW in your past is something you are afraid to tell someone you might be interested in. I too felt this way. i would ge anxiety whenever someone would ask me about my past - i felt embarassed that i had no friends to bring to parties or hang out with. when i met my current boyfriend, i was still going to bookstudy every now and then to appease my JW roomate, until i could move out. my boyfriend (before we were dating) would ask me what i was doing tuesday, and i became secretive. i would just say, "nothing, i just can't do anything on tuesdays". finally, i told him, and i was so scared to do it. i thought for sure he wouldn't want to hang out w/me anymore. his response - laughter. and i would say 99.9 percent of "wordly" people, view it as something interesting in your past, and will view you as a strong person for taking a stand for what you feel is right/wrong. your past shouldn't weaken you - coming out of a cult is a strength building experience. it's like if someone is raped and then is ashamed to tell anyone they might get close to. and we all know rape victims are not to blame for the rape.

So my advice to you, is be as confident as hell when you talk abou your past. start talking about it w/people that don't matter to you - aquaintnces at work, etc. practice getting over that initial anxiety. say happy birthday to people, ask them if they did anything for easter. it gets way easy.

you will see that our WE as victims care more and worry more about the perception of our background as JW's, than anyone else ever will, by far.

Good Luck!

SB

Junction-Guy

Thanks SB, but what I meant was the "sexual baggage" that I have carried with me since being raised a JW. Im no longer ashamed to tell people I was raised a JW, it wasnt my fault. I had no choice in the matter, I was lied to.

lfcviking

Anyone have any dating experiences they care to share? What has been the nicest and the worst thing about dating "in the truth" and "in the world"?

I never understood why you had to be chapperoned when dating or had to go out as a group of people. I dated a couple of times in the truth but i always felt uncomfortable with somebody else there. This rule to me seems silly & unnecessary.

FreeGirl2006

So Free what was your personal opinion of all these guys that gave you this line???? Did you go along with their logic, or was it a turn-off?

kerj2leev, I am quite the cynic and I just took it that they had their mind made up that they had a good excuse to have an affair. "My wife doesn't have sex with me anymore" waaaaaa. Please...when was the last time he was concerned with her needs? I imagine my soon-to-be ex gave some similar excuse when he embarked on his affair even though he was the one who never wanted sex.

Dating--Then & Now

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