Life as a JW

by Threestars 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Threestars
    Threestars

    ...for me, anyway. I've been a writer for most of my life but this is the only thing I have ever written about my life in the Borg.

    OUR HOUSE

    Madness bloomed in our house after the day two women came asking;
    “Have you heard The Good News of the Kingdom?”
    Daddy began to wear a stiff suit and spout scripture,
    a stern Jeremiah. Mama became nameless and never laughed again.
    One day the roof collapsed and birds nested in our hair
    but they paid no attention, believed it a message from God:
    “Be vigilant, for the end is near!”

    Every morning as rain blew across the kitchen table Daddy read
    the Daily Text. We came to First Corinthians fifteen thirty-three:
    “Bad associations spoil useful habits” so soon I had no friends
    except cats and mice, conversed only with shadows, hoarded
    forbidden songs and poems like stolen apples. I associated
    with trees that wormed and branched their way through
    cracked window panes. They kept my secrets.

    The babies, when they came, were smelly cherubim,
    when they didn’t come, were toilet bowls full of blood.
    Lot had Carnal Knowledge of his daughters to get a son
    but no need in our house since Mama lived to serve; though
    once she threw Daddy’s books at The Elder and called
    him a sonofabitch. The next day she crawled in from
    a diaper-flapping wind to root and squeal among our shattered
    dishes. She was a flawed brood sow. The hospital said she had
    bad nerves. The Older Women said I should do more to help.

    Helpless, I scratched code in sand that drifted over the linoleum,
    cooked beans through cobwebs, swept broken glass; crept out
    at night to scamper and dance under a lilac-scented moon. It was
    the only time I sang. For guidance I wove a maze of strings
    in a bedroom that had filled with papery darkness.
    When they broke I tied them back. Hidden under the bed I braided
    loose threads and fringes, chanted questioning mantras.
    No answers, but I become filled with words that spill and burn.

    When I left, the house came with me, carried on my back,
    a compact tesseract unfolded at every stop; and I lived
    in the rooms, cubes within dwindling cubes, until
    entropy unscrolled us to the point at the end of a line.
    The day Daddy died I bundled him in torn sheets
    and stashed him in the root cellar, crying, assured him
    I was yet a believer, reassured myself I was not.
    Mama continues to wait for the earth to crack and swallow us.
    I think it already did, but the moon still rises, and I sing
    from this pit of broken timber.

  • Mrs Smith
    Mrs Smith

    (((((Threestars)))) that should be in print.

  • Hannah
    Hannah

    Threestars, how very meaningful and moving. Superbly articulate.

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  • greendawn
    greendawn

    It summarises well the JW transformation, the truth brings a negative mood and isolation from the rest of society while the hope for a paradise future remains elusive.

  • anewme
    anewme

    Three Stars, that was absolutely wonderful!
    You are a writer for sure!!!

    You painted a scene with words so vivid and despairing.

    Definitely, you would win a prize with that one!

    Sorry if that was your real life.

    But often out of suffering comes wisdom and knowledge painfully gained.


    Keep it up!

  • serendipity
    serendipity

    Heartachingly sad. I hope that was cathartic for you.

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    Speechless.

  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    A stunning piece. Thank you.

    tall penguin

  • Threestars
    Threestars

    Thank you everyone. Yes, it was cathartic to write--very much so. I workshopped it at a writer's site I frequent and most critiquers asked if I was writing about the Moonies or the Branch Davidians. Interestingly, the ones who recognized the JW buzzwords and phrases, would PM me. They were probably afraid to respond publicly. I just thought of that.

    I do have two or three drafts of a first chapter of a biography of my Dad and Mom's life which of course will include the JW stuff.

    I was just thinking last night while browsing and reading here that no one who has ever been a JW for any length of time ever really "recovers" completely. There will always be scars and residual pain. We are lucky (I just LOOOOVE to use that banned word!!!) if we can get over the nagging fear of Divine Judgement that plagued me for so long after I left. To be fair, I had a lapsed Catholic friend who told me she feels the same way about her church. At least she didn't lose her family.

    My best to all of you--we have a difficult path and this site is a great means of communication and healing--no matter what our current beliefs may be.

  • Abandoned
    Abandoned

    Wow! What a fantastic use of imagry and metaphor. I love it.

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