I wish you all the best, mama1119!
I had lived for 12+ years choosing not to consider myself as an "ex-JW"... until I searched and found JWD. Over the course of self-analysis, I realised that a great many of my difficulties in adjusting to new environments and situations were due to that very fact, although previously glossed over! I cannot ignore the reality that my formative years (indeed, all of my infancy, childhood, adolescence and young adult period) were informed and molded by my JW beliefs, and -- more importantly -- by my complete devotion to what I thought the person of Jehovah to be. Although I experienced much discomfort in understanding/accepting/believing certain (and they were several) inconsistencies of character, representations and displays of his persona, I persisted in that relationship until... I could not, anymore.
That rooted dissonance finally caught up with me, and I have found a fruitful proving ground in this forum. [As I am but an infrequent contributor, it is but to be expected that that some may wonder at the extent of my attachment to the forum. Yet, I read it almost daily. An early enforced reticence hinders me from responding most often -- even when I think/feel strongly about certain subjects.]
I am happy for you that you have gleaned that which you need from this arena for the time present. I will certainly enjoy your future participation when, and if, you choose to return.
-V
