Thank you all for the greetings! I actually fought like a kitty in a puddle of water to stay in. I have a disability that requires the aid of an assistant (I will get brave later and say exactly what it is). There was one such assistant in the KHall, but she was always late or absent by going with her mom to her cong. It was as if I had to inform her each and every time I was going to be there, but I was always there, not having missed even one meeting in a few months. I tried to encourage others to become qualified assistants since there were "worldly" people in our territory with the same disability. The individuals were interested and very nice about it although it would take about a year to become a good assistant. I had small two or three person classes in my home, but it was too small, so I thought the back room in the KHall would be better. One sister said she would ask her husband, an elder, if we could use it for that purpose. He said he would talk to the other elders. I waited very impatiently for four months but no response. I repeatedly asked what the verdict was. Finally, they said no. The others quit coming to my house and never told me why. I was pulling my hair out! Not literally, but almost. I totally wimped out and broke down in the parking lot several times and told all of the elders and anyone else that would listen that I was not getting any of the meetings just warming a seat in the hall. I needed help and there were interested ones available to learn how to help me. I invited the PO to learn, but he said on text msg that he is not interested nor does he have the desire nor the time to learn. He said that sice the society did not establish a group in this congregation, that the brothers are not asking anyone to learn, either. I prayed the teariest prayers like Hannah did for Samuel. No answer, or the answer was NO.
I decided that his spirit was not with this congregation and decided to quit wasting gas and time by going for no reason. I would go, sit down, twiddle my thumbs (really, I did!), get up, and leave after the last prayer. Other times, everyone saw me get up and leave a few minutes into the talk. What was the point of going if I (getting brave enough) could not hear a thing that was said? They said I needed to go 140 miles round trip to the sign language group that the society so lovingly provided. Ummm...I was smelling a very ripe Pharisee. PU! That is when I could not stomach the idea of putting on a show of doing "soooo gooood!" as one sister told me. I told her that I was here in body but not in mind or spirit. Everyone including my family said that the KHall was where JH's spirit is and that I belonged there, besides I have two kids to think about. "Be a good example to them!" I also wondered why my prayers were not answered. I really don't think a loving God would make a person suffer over and over again while praying a bazillion prayers to him. He would answer and not play mind games with people who love him.
Chenoa
