I'm in love with a man who is a Witness. I am a pretty inactive Protestant, meaning my parents were only able to drag me to church twice a year on Christmas Eve and Easter morning. He told me early into our relationship that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt the love for anyone else like he does for me. He's been married and divorced twice, both times to Witnesses, but the marriages didn't work because neither one of his wives were "doing what God says" they should do, as far as giving him headship. When we first became involved, he told me he was a Witness, but he didn't attend meetings because he knew that he was going to have to confess his sin of having sex with me to his elders. I was a little freaked by this, but he said he didn't have to say who he had sex with and he wouldn't tell my identity. His religion never seemed to be an issue, other than he was disturbed about me celebrating holidays and relentlessly went on and on about their pagan origins.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. All of a sudden, religion is an issue. He can't bear the thought of me being like Lot's wife and dying because I celebrate false religions. This started when I brought cupcakes to my class on Dr. Suess's birthday to kick off our readathon. We have had fights here and there, like in any relationship, and he feels God cannot bless our relationship until I become a Witness, baptized and everything, including knocking on doors. I went to the Kingdom Hall, not his because he has been reproved and is not supposed to be dating, several times and it was very boring. The people were extremely friendly, but the Watchtower lecture is excruciating and simple-minded. I am currently in a bible study with an older lady who is very nice but told me that I should consider wearing skirts to meetings.
Last week he found a book about Josephine Bonapart, Napolean's wife, on my bookshelf. He opened it up to a page on which a voodoo priestess predicted she would one day be queen. It freaked him out and I had to remove the book from my apartment. He then told me the next day that while I was out walking my dogs, he heard a cell phone ringing in my apt, except there was no cell phone there. Then he went home and had a really bad dream. He thinks evil spirits are attempting to contact me since I stopped going to meetings and keep cancelling my bible study. Then he distanced himself after I said that was ridiculous and it was probably just job stress causing him to imagine things.
I'm so torn. I love this man. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I dont' know if my love for him can withstand the WTS nonsense that has such a hold over him. He has two distinct personalities. Sometimes he is the brilliant, funny man I fell in love with and the next day he is wracked with guilt and pressuring me to become a Witness, even though it would go against every fiber of my being. I'm pretty lazy and could never attend three meetings a week and NEVER would be able to knock on strangers' doors. Now he says that since I have knowledge of what is right, it means my life if I continue celebrating holidays. It's messing with my head. I just love him so much but can't take this. it's just one big cycle. He becomes super-religious, I make up my mind that it's over, one of us breaks down and calls the other, we get back together and are very happy for about 1-2 weeks, then his guilt takes over again and he pressures me into going to meetings. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure if I can lead a normal life with this man, but then I don't know if I would ever enjoy life without him. I just can't make a decision on what to do and it's causing me so much pain.