I cant continue to live like this i really need help

by Tryin2FindAnewMe 48 Replies latest jw experiences

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  winnie

  hello

  My name is mark.Myself and my wife both dissassociated ourselves last week we were both brought up jws.We have not fallen foul of jws teachings or laws but because we were inactive we were both treated like rubbish by my family.We live in the same town as my family my father is the po.I have done more for my parents then any other of my brothers or sisters.I have five children.

  My mother put a letter in my letterbox stating that if i wanted to be part of there family then i would have to return to jehovah.

  All i can say is it does get better with time.The longer you are out of jws the more normal life becomes.Jws are not normal it isnt normal to ignore your own flesh and blood family comes first.

  I strongly believe that jws will be almost extinct in 20 years as the older ones die out.

  Family play such an important role in our life so to lose your family is sad.If you remain sad then jws will be happy its the told you so mentality.

  Good luck getout there live life it will take time maybe a long time but at the end of the day you will get over it
• 

  mouthy

  I agree Mark Thanks for your input. It must be sad for you to recieve your Mums letter but I think in the long run your kids will be better off with out her influence ....((((YOU & THE WIFE))))
• 

  moshe

  Welcome and don't be too hard on yourself. Life is full of missed opportunities- I try and concentrate on the good stuff in life. Leaving the KH opened up the whole world to me. Good luck.
• 

  AuntieJane

  Tryin2: Welcome and stay around. This will be a healthy place for you! I have never been in your shoes but I do know

  that staying positive and not looking back at what could have, should have, etc. in Life is usually the best route.

  I'll keep you in my prayers as you travel this journey. Keep strong.

  AuntieJane
• 

  codeblue

  Welcome

  I love your name, as it it how I feel about myself: trying2findanewme......

  I am in the reverse situation...I am the mother who left an organization (Not Jehovah) but am shunned by my adult kids cause I told them why I could no longer go to meetings.

  I too, as an 18 year old had to give up college scholarships to prove how "spiritual" I was..... I could only be a wife and mother and now my Mother title has been taken away. Yeap, I am feeling a bit lost at the age of 50.

  But life must go on......and I am trying to find a new me. It's a difficult road to travel, but a necessary one.

  So you are not alone in how you feel.....Keep posting and reading and "meet up" with people that feel like you.... and GO TO COLLEGE!!!

  hugs,

  Codeblue
• 

  Merry Magdalene

  I'm so glad to see you continuing to post and converse here, tryin2and feeling just a tad bit better as you do. You're headed in the right direction, but extra help and support will surely be a plus. I just love the kind and caring folks here and now you're one of them and before you know it you'll be comforting another devastated newbie and helping them deal with what you have already been through...or at least that's how it tends to go here.

  ~Merry
• 

  Arthur

  You would be amazed at how much of a positive effect the counseling can give you. They can help you in so many ways to get a handle on things .

  reneeisorym makes a good point here - something that I forgot to mention. I began going to an exit-counselor a few months ago, who has experience working with ex-Witnesses.

  This can be an extremely valuable resorce because it can help you to see that your feelings are quite valid. Before I began exit-counseling, I felt that many of my feelings of fear, anxiety, and rage were irrational and unique to myself. When I began to discuss them with my counselor, she informed me that they were identical to other ex-Witnesses and ex-cult members. She helped me to see that I had every right to feel the way I felt; and that I was not unique.

  Another important thing that I forgot to mention is to be open and candid with other people about being an ex-Witness. This was something that I was embarrassed about at first. But, when I began to open up to others and tell them about my history of being a JW; it opened up some wonderful avenues of support that I would never have experienced otherwise. I have been able to meet four ex-Witnesses simply because they mentioned that they were one; or I mentioned that I was one. They would have never known, and I would have never known; had neither of us opened up and shared this in conversations. I have become good friends with one of them, and we both help and support each other. So, don't hesitate to share this with people in conversation if the topic of religion comes up. You never know what cool things might happen!
• 

  JWdaughter

  Welcome to the board. You are among friends!

  Shelly-who once nearly had a plane crash in Baltimore. Thats all I got on Maryland :)
• 

  itsallgoodnow

  talk to someone, get some counseling, something to help you develop some really strong coping skills, because you have been through and will go through a lot. don't beat yourself up over past mistakes like giving up the scholarship so you could please others, or worrying incessantly about hurting your mom because your decision to leave the JWs has displeased her. believe me, I understand, I was a major people pleaser too and I only hurt myself and wasted my time doing it.

  When it comes to your mom, she decided she wanted to join this group that believes in punishing loved ones who leave it, and even still she knows she has a choice on how to treat you, and she chooses the hard line, maybe. that's her choice and you are not hurting her, she's hurting herself.

  the god thing - you'll figure that stuff out. You just need to take as much time as you need. If there is a god, he'll understand.
• 

  Crumpet

  The one thing I lost and will not get back is (as I've posted elsewhere) the ability to have children - didn't get married and have kids 'cos i pioneered and thought that was the right thing to do. Now it's too late, can't have kids 'cos I'm going through the menopause, and it's a real cause of grief in many ways because I'm a woman and it's built into me to bear children. I won't ever hold my own baby in my arms or have the challenge of bringing a child up.

  ((((alotlikemay)))) - I am so sorry - this just utterly stinks. In different ways my upbringing has changed me and made me unable to have children too. I used to worry so much that my sisters would forgo marriage and love for the same reasons. they are still in. It was with mixed feelings I found out nearly 2 years after the event that one of them had married. Of course I was pleased for her, but sad I didnt count as important enough to notify!