Is it wrong to hope that a loved one will die?

Paralipomenon

I received a call last night that my grandmother had a stroke. My first thought was "finally".

I know how awful that sounds, but her health has been deteriorating for years. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's several years ago and has been in a constant decline.

Last summer I went to visit her and I really wish I hadn't. She had been a very strong willed woman that while wasn't very warm, played an integral part in our growing up. When I walked into her room she looked like she recognized me, but it quickly became apparent that she thought I was my father.

She had pictures up around her room and so we brought them to her and she enjoyed the visit with the people in her pictures. Her mind and demeanor seem to be that of a little girl. After we left the only positive point was that we brought a happy day to a woman that I remember being my grandmother.

This year she will be turning 93.

She was such a proud and composed woman, she would have hated to see her mind degenerate to this point. I can't help thinking that I should feel guilty for hoping that is her final call. It kind of disturbs me that I don't.

BFD

I know exactly how you feel. Two years ago very dear friend of mine had a major stroke at the age of 92. All the doctors said that there was no hope for her to fuction again. I just sat with her for hours holding her hand and telling her that is was OK to let go. She died two weeks after the stroke.

This woman lived on her own up to the last moment before her stroke, and was a great ballroom dancer. That's how we met. Anyhow, I am sorry for your pain right now, and I understand how you feel. And, I don't think it is wrong.

BFD

Mary

Don't feel bad. Sometimes they're better off going on to the next life than living a shell of a life in this one. Although my father has made a remarkable recovery from the stroke he had last year, it's always in the back of our minds "is he going to have another one?" I know my father well enough to know he's rather just die than to live as a semi-vegetable in this life.

So to answer your question: No, it is not always wrong to hope that a loved on dies, because you just don't want to see them suffer.

found-my-way

93 is a long life...

would you want to live if your brain had deteriorated beyond recognition? I know I wouldnt, I'd want to be euthanized...I dont think you should feel bad because you dont feel bad...it's heartbreaking to see our loved ones suffer.

IP_SEC

I hoped my dad would die. He did.

He lost his leg to diabetes, his lungs didnt work anymore, he had sestemic staph infection, and was on dialysis. No way to live. Im sure if he had he would've been suicidal.

His death was a merciful end.

themonster123

It's definitely not wrong to feel as you do....The point of Life is to, well, live, and live well. And if old age and a stroke and alzheimers is robbing that joy of life from you and a person is in constant pain, Life is not Life....

If the person you love is in so much pain, you just want them to be out of that pain-

my condolances.

kitten whiskers

(((((Para))))))

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. Relief and guilt all together.

When my grandpa was on his deathbed, there was no hope of recovery, it was just a waiting game. It was very hard on everyone involved and was torture just waiting for death to come. My first thought when my dad came in and said he was gone was relief. Happy for the relief of his pain and guilt that it was a relief to me to have the wait over. But I think I would not want to linger, and linger and linger. I would want to escape and have the pain and misery gone. He couldn't speak or anything at the end, just drugged up for pain and you know that didn't take care of it all. You are not alone in your feelings. The hardest thing to forgive is ourself. I hope you find comfort during this trial.

Kitten Whiskers

restrangled

Definitely NOT! My father came down with bone cancer at age 63. He fell and broke his hip, and that's when it was discovered. The previous 6 months he was using a cane to walk because of the pain and the Doctors just kept telling him it was arthritis.

After they operated, he laid in bed for 6 months, slowly loosing his brain and immediately lost his ability to use the bathroom by himself. He was unable to leave that frigging bed.....(How humiliating can it get?!)

My father was a 6 foot 1" power house, had lifted weights, built his own street rod cars, and worked like a dog all his years. Retired with a magnificent savings account and company benefits. He bought out right a beautiful home here in Florida and was enjoying retirement.....It lasted about 1 year before he became ill.

I remember him delivering a Birthday card to me on my 40th and telling me, when he had consumed a couple of shots he felt he could live forever, otherwise he felt like he was dieing. He fell and was diagnosed 2 months later.

I was so relieved when my father died, we took care of him at home, but to see that powerful man slowly waste away, and have nurses come so that he could go to the bathroom in his bed was just too much.

r.

oppgirl63

My fathers death at age 52 to colon cancer was a relief...he suffered so much. I knew there wasn't any better for him and I was glad it was over. I know how you feel.

jaguarbass

Hope in one hand. Shxt in the other and see which one fills up first, then you will have your answer.

Is it wrong to hope that a loved one will die?

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