They question/analyze everything- except the Watchtower (page 2)

OnTheWayOut

Look for this trigger. In the case of your wife, it may manifest itself in .....

I am looking. There are so many avenues to try, and I am trying to be realistic. I know it could take years and
I know it might never happen.

TheListener

What a good thread.

My wife and I have an unspoken agreement. She doesn't get upset and irritated with me for not attending the meetings (at least in front of me) and I don't try to bug her with anti-WT information.

In fact, my wife doesn't really know why I am not an active witness anymore. We have no open communication on the subject of the WT. She does not want to know what I've found or what I think on the subject.

My children on the other hand have seen the hypocrisy of those who are witnesses.

I strive to be a great father and a loving husband. My wife's activity level has dropped but she still believes it all.

I just keep living my life in such a way that I can be proud and hope and pray that one day she'll see the light herself.

jeanV

All that, but I try to talk to her about 607 BCE or "This Generation" and 1975, other subjects
concerning the WTS, and she just shuts down. She sometimes disagrees with the general
directions from the WTS concerning education or setting career goals, but she says they have
a good reason for saying it that way. Several times, she asked me why I didn't comment at
the WT study, and I say that I didn't agree with the point being discussed. She just stops the
conversation.

it sounds so familiar....

a lot of good posts. I am with drew about fearing change. My wife has some doubts, I am positive but the defensive reaction is to try and discard them (I was doing the same in the past) or find a justification (the abused saying: we must be patient and rely on Jehovah).

truthseeker

I know EXACTLY what you mean, my wife also shuts down - YET - she cannot defend their doctrines. She gets uncomfortable when her applecart is rocked.

I don't do this on purpose, but I show her the futility of her beliefs.

She wants me to respect her beliefs, fine, but when it comes to me missing meetings, she won't respect how I feel.

OnTheWayOut

My wife and I have an unspoken agreement. She doesn't get upset and irritated with me for not attending the meetings (at least in front of me) and I don't try to bug her with anti-WT information.
In fact, my wife doesn't really know why I am not an active witness anymore. We have no open communication on the subject of the WT. She does not want to know what I've found or what I think on the subject.

The Listener has a similar situation. I don't have kids, though.
I have said enough about the WTS for my wife to know that she doesn't want to hear more. My wife has a master's degree
and puts education and career high in her priorities. So she does what she thinks is best. Somehow, that's enough for her.
She doesn't want to destroy the illusion that WTS teaches her the absolute truth.

I think it's the things that make JW's so radical that work on her. She thinks that JW's are in the correct religion because of
Trinity
Hellfire
resurrection
God's Name
Blood issue
Recognizing the time of the end.

I have only been able to make headway on the "time of the end" with her. She just accepts that she might grow old in
this system of things, but that's because "the light got brighter" about that. I have never been able to pierce her armor
about the others listed above. Whenever I tackle them, she gets a headache and shuts down entirely. I know that I must
stop trying on these, as it could get her to cooperate with spying on me (for my own good). I just have to keep picking at the
weakest spots on "the time of the end" and other areas not in her core beliefs.

I posted this thread, because it is just bizarre that someone can do so much questioning of non-JW things, and not even open
the WT library to confirm anything. She just underlines for the WT study, the bookstudy, the Service Meeting. She participates
and loves to comment- especially at the quarterly "Review" of the TMS. But all her commenting is just surface acceptance. As
an elder, I was always going to older publications for different ways to look at things. I was always questioning why the paragraph
stated something. Sure, I went along, but not so parrot-like. Doubts continued to build. My wife noticed my questioning attitude
when we studied together, and she just warned me, "You need to just stop debating their teachings."

This is the Orwellian world of Jehovah's Witnesses. I could understand the JW who doesn't listen to or read the news, who doesn't
do any serious questioning of anything. But this is bizarre. I have a JW friend who studies deeply. He does it in a way to totally
follow the WTS. He doesn't get analytical on non-JW issues, just accepts that they are issues in Satan's world. I understand him,
also. He needs to reassure himself that this is "the truth." He avoids an attitude like my wife has. He just keeps his nose in theocratic
stuff. He references to old literature and to the INSIGHT books. I mean he's afraid to view PG-13 stuff, he gave up every last worldly
activity accept fishing and bicycling. He never picks up a non-JW book to read it, too much JW stuff to read. That kind of JW, I
understand. But my wife, and others who are only studying at the surface, yet can dig into worldly opinions and question everything,
I don't understand.

unique1

It wasn't anything that I really read that got me out, but I would in fact read other things secretly. At the laundromat I would pick up religious tracts and read them and try to prove them wrong using the JW reasoning. I always thought that if it was really the truth it would stand out. I could never understand why the FDS didn't want us reading other religious material. It seemed weird considering they were so sure they had the truth.

Gilberto

We too had an understanding about not discussing the "truth", after I realised it was utter BS, I explained just one or two issues. My wife who was brought up a dub started to miss meeetings and ministry. I would go with her to the meetings though. She managed to open her eyes to some hypocrisy (something quite trivial really). Then she finally came to the conclusion that she didn't want the "New System" the way of the WT.

However, when she first spoke to me about it last year (memorial time, they kept coming round but we never answered) she was frightened as she was obviously still very conditioned. I did call the WT "baloney" which made her a bit defensive and she didn't think she would ever be able to celebrate xmas!! that soon changed!

It took a few years but we are both well and truly out. I just hope for all of you with spouses in that they see sense too.

So my advice fwiw is be patient, there will be times it feels that they will never come out, but the wait and agony is well worth it!!

jeanV

OTWO

I recommend you buy a book to your wife (I have not received it myself yet, but it sounds great from the feedback in amazon):

Don't Believe Everything You Think: The 6 Basic Mistakes We Make in Thinking by Thomas E. Kida

· We prefer stories to statistics.

· We seek to confirm, not to question, our ideas.

· We rarely appreciate the role of chance and coincidence in shaping events.

· We sometimes misperceive the world around us.

· We tend to oversimplify our thinking.

· Our memories are often inaccurate.

Kida vividly illustrates these tendencies with numerous examples that demonstrate how easily we can be fooled into believing something that isn’t true. In a complex society where success—in all facets of life—often requires the ability to evaluate the validity of many conflicting claims, the critical-thinking skills examined in this informative and engaging book will prove invaluable.

nvrgnbk

Good topic OTWO! I used to do exactly that. There was never a moment in the course of my day that I didn't feel anxiety over something. For example:

Was Jehovah involved on this or that?

Was I in the wrong?

Was I being wronged?

Was the individual I was dealing with trying to get one over on me?

After all he/she is worldly, and not worthy of my trust.

How does today's news apply to fulfillment of Bible prophecy?

If I love good music and concerts so much, and feel so comfortable in the atmosphere present at them, and yet feel so out-of place and forced to be who I am not when I'm around Witnesses, how will I fit in in the Paradise?

Will we only listen to Kingdom Melodies?

Wont life in the Paradise be boring if I'm surrounded by Witnesses?

Could I have done better on my School and Service Meeting parts last night?

Why does being a Witness depress me so much?

I thought that it should be refreshing, and not make me suicidal.

Is Jehovah going to kill me at Armageddon because I've been masturbating since I was 8?

I hope I can pay the rent.

If I can't, it's my own dumb fault, I'm such an idiot. If I wouldn't have purchased that case of beer last week, I'd be financially secure.

Why are all my cars pieces of shit?

Does that person like me?

I think she wants me.

I think she finds me disgusting.

Nah, she wants me.

And that was what went on in my head before I got out of bed in the morning. Want to hear the thoughts of the rest of the day? LMAO!

Now, I'm thinking less about things and trying to enjoy the moment and the people that define the moment.

I'm happier than I've ever been.

Nvr

Honesty

FEAR is a VERY REAL THREAT to the JW.

They FEAR:

Being DF'd if they think outside the box

Being shunned if they are DF'd for thinking outside the box.

Being annihilated because they are shunned and alone after being DF'd for thinking outside the box.

Their god, the Faithful Slave holds them captive by instilling FEAR into their hearts, minds and souls.

FEAR is a VERY REAL and VERY DIFFICULT EMOTION to be held captive by.

Take heart. She may be able to break free from its DEADLY GRIP.

They question/analyze everything- except the Watchtower

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