This article warmed my heart because I live with 4 other roommates in a three-level house, comprised of surfers, engineers, party person(s) and their pretty and sometimes whacked-out girlfriends. How do we get along? We celebrate our freak flags! This comes from the latest issue of Bottom Line's Daily Health News http://www.bottomlinesecrets.com/e2/e2_signup.html What are your freak flags? I must have exercise along the beach before dawn, pray for my frinds and family, play loud music in the car and film to local Spring Beakouts.Sand on my floor must go, and the crumbling house we live in must be kept up inside, even though the plaster is in bad shape. No smoking or serious alcoholics allowed. Crunk dancing may be optional in the future, maybe in front of the JWs as a special message to them.
What freak flags do you fly, or your frinds and family?
Randy www.freeminds.org
What Happy People Know That You Don't
I once worked with a woman who vacuumed her house every single morning -- before she left for work. Now I knew this about my colleague only because her young daughter dropped it one day in casual conversation... her attitude being one of "Doesn't everybody?" Well, no, everybody doesn't... but neither does it matter. Still, my colleague considered her cleaning addiction crazy enough that she kept it her little secret. The truth is, every one of us has crazy behaviors and beliefs. These are what one character in the movie "The Family Stone" referred to as a freak flag. And how much easier it would be, the movie implies, if we all carried around "freak flags" that announced our personal craziness for the world to see.
WHAT IS YOUR FREAK FLAG?
Life coach Lauren Zander of the Handel Group (www.handelgrouppc.com) agrees completely with the concept of flying personal freak flags. Being upfront about our crazy quirks is not only truthful, she says, it also acknowledges that everyone has a variety of them. They belong to and brand us and are the interesting things we do that make us human. She notes that a giant realm of personal craziness includes the category of food and eating -- from chowing down behind closed doors to never co-mingling foods on a plate. However, crazy quirks aren't just neuroses, obsessive compulsive disorders or about social addictions to food or drink -- they can include all sorts of personal habits, including making lists to stay organized, sleeping with the lights on, hating to be reminded (nagged?) about things by others, going out in public with uncombed hair or never letting your gas tank get below half full.
Sexuality is another big area of personal quirks and preferences. Although universal, most people feel too weird about their sexual attitudes and ideas to speak honestly about them. Professional athletes have their crazy secret beliefs about what will help them win a tournament. Children have rituals, objects or imaginary friends they use to help them feel safe. Grown-ups have a wide variety of behaviors or harmless biases they cling to for a bevy of reasons. Example: Ask pack rats why they insist on keeping all that "stuff" with no obvious worth or value.
Freak flags have both humor and humanity, but most people choose to hide, explain or justify their foibles and thereby turn them into issues in their own heads rather than simply accepting them as their own humanity. What's sad is that people end up feeling the need to hide it or explain it away due to the fear that others will ridicule their personal freakiness. This fear, says Lauren, keeps people from owning up to who they are. The cover-up that follows leads into dangerous territory because it robs people of the opportunity to make choices concerning their personal freakiness.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN
As human beings, we are all in the same interesting and weird boat, Lauren observes, trying to grow up and deal with our small vices -- but at the same time wanting to be "normal" and look good to others. Let it go, she says. Claim the joy to be found in admitting to your quirks. Fessing up to the crazy quirks is funny and freeing and endows people with a new sense of control about their behavior.
Accepting your own quirks also provides an opportunity for a whole new understanding of the quirks and freakiness of your spouse, kids, parents and friends. A huge percentage of marital squabbles involve one spouse's intolerance of the other spouse's quirks -- remember the classic toothpaste tube argument? Everyone around you has his/her own set of quirks that you can either learn to love as part of who that person is... or you can let them drive you crazy. I have a friend who never sends thank you notes -- not even for her wedding or baby gifts. I know that she is a loving and generous and devoted friend. So, I accept that she is not wired to send thank you notes. Some people might sever a relationship over not being thanked and sacrifice all the great things that are part of that lifelong relationship.
Flying freak flags and saluting the flags of others introduces compassion and tolerance, an acceptance that we are all part of humanity and there is no way to throw stones.
FINDING YOUR OWN
It is possible that crazy quirks are so well hidden they are hard even for the individual to find. To find yours, Lauren advises looking first for any behavior or attitude you don't want other people to know about. That is certain to be a freak flag candidate. Another place to look: At your grievances and annoyances about other people. If certain things about others really bug you, chances are strong that there is a little personal freak flag in there. As an example, Lauren notes that arrogance in others makes some people furious, but probably they carry around arrogance themselves, just better disguised. Because people are not generally bothered by behaviors that don't exist somewhere in themselves, being upset is a big signal to go looking at that. Identifying it and accepting that bit of freakiness will loosen the steam you have built about your grievance and annoyance about others, Lauren says.
It may feel scary to fly a freak flag at first, but be brave. It won't take long to start experiencing the rewards. By admitting to your own craziness you bring a fresh openness in your dialog with others. By acknowledging, for example, that my husband is right in telling me that I sometimes forget things if I don't write them down allows us to have fun with my "forgetful-ism" and also creates a structure in our relationship that supports my need to write things down. It's now a big family loving joke about the notes I leave for myself for fear of forgetting. Being honest about yourself, stripped of spinning and lying, gives people around you permission to put up their flags as well. Flying the flags breaks down the boundaries between you and the barriers to real human nature -- at last, everyone starts to be who they really are.
