THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! Fable or Fact?

by FireNBandits 23 Replies latest social humour

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  Nathan Natas

  Ai! Ai! Cthulhu fhtagn!

  "That is not dead which can forever lie, and in strange eons, even death will die." -- the Necronomicon 3:16

  "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."
  "In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."

  
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  FireNBandits

  Thanks guys! Your encouragaing remarks are encouraging. I feel edified, except by the referecne to the IPU. I was once taken in by clever fakes such as the IPU! I knew she existed because she was invisible. If she didn't exist, how could she be invisible? I knew by faith that she was pink. But I didn't know that she is a mere emanation of THE FLYING SPAGETTI MONSTER! I too was touched by his noodly appendage and NOT in an inappropriate locartion or manner.
  
  I'M having PASTA for lunch! -Martin
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  justsomedude

  He's every bit as real as Jojoba and russels teapot. Ramen!
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  Nosferatu

  PS I just finished the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and I must say I was somewhat unimpressed. Bobby Henderson may be a prophet, but the FSM can't write worth a plate of rice.

  I've heard bad things about the Gospel as well. Hey, you've got some wacky religions that spawned from an equally uninteresting book entitled "The Bible".
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  AllAlongTheWatchtower

  Heh...I just read the other topic on this subject, where the kid got suspended from school...got a kick out of the term 'spagnostic'.
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  seawolf

  I was touched and healed by his noodly appendage! At least I hope that's what it was! He did seem really happy to see me!

  I'm a believer now!
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  FireNBandits

  Touched by His Noodly Appendage
  Graced with His somewhat slimy Touch
  I laugh and weave a pattern thru the traffic
  Oblivious to that oncoming truck...
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  5go

  
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  5go

  Sorry I got to stick with the chick !

  The IPU in her invisible form. She is often confused with

  Athe, due to their similar lack of appearance. A true believer will know the difference though.

  The Invisible Pink Unicorn (or IPU) is a powerful pagan goddess.

  Understanding of the IPU is based on both science and faith. Faith tells us that the she is a unicorn and is pink, for we know Her in our hearts (Blessed be her fiery hooves). Science tells us that she is invisible, because we cannot see her and that she is female because she has feminine sexual organs (scientists usually try to argue this one since she is invisible, but at least the religious part is strong enough). Therefore, by the unwavering support from both scientific and religious factors, we can undisputedly state that the IPU is not only a belief but a scientific law. Despite constant support by scientists that the IPU is one of the Forces of the Universe, the faithful believers tend to go more along with the Flying Spaghetti Monster (May his noodly appendage be forever slightly undercooked).

  Contents [ hide ] 1 Her Divine Form 2 Criticisms of the Invisible Pink Unicorn 3 Signs of Her Divine Presence 4 Mark of the Blessed 5 See Also

  [edit] Her Divine Form

  The IPU in her invisible form. She is often confused with Athe, due to their similar lack of appearance. A true believer will know the difference though.

  There is much debate about the true form of the IPU. While it is generally agreed that She is pink, and that Her hooves are fiery, there is some disagreement about Her exact size and shape. The more skeptical have occasionally made the claim that the Invisible Pink Unicorn(B.b.h.f.h) is invisible because She does not wish Her worshippers to see the size of Her ass. People making such claims have also been found later, trampled to death. The IPU is benevolent, but do not criticize Her ass. Another form of blasphemy is the presence of pepperoni on pizza; She greatly prefers pineapple. However, this is disputed and various different sects have their own opinions on Her pizza topping preferences. As well as the Orthodox (ham and pineapple) views and the aforementioned Pepperonists, The True Reformed Vegetarian Sect believes in pineapple and mushroom and the IPUritans believe we should not indulge in toppings at all, but eat our pizza plain, with salt on Thursdays.

  [edit] Criticisms of the Invisible Pink Unicorn

  Critics of Invisible Pink Unicornism sometimes claim that it is impossible to be both pink and invisible at the same time, and therefore the IPU is logically inconsistent and cannot exist. Followers of IPUism reply that, since the IPU created logic, she is also able to transcend it. One cannot apply logic to a god. The ways of gods are beyond our ability to understand.

  [edit] Signs of Her Divine Presence

  The IPU is known to favour certain varieties of stockings above all others. When She is pleased (and occasionally when She is displeased), she reveals her favour by rapturing these socks. If you have ever had the experience of missing a sock, you have been blessed with an undeniable sign of Her presence. Blessed be Her holy hooves! ect

  [edit] Mark of the Blessed

  Devoted followers of the IPU recieve a special mark known as the "Pink-Eye." Pink-Eye comes with the unique ability to give to other people, indisciminate of belief, Pink-Eye. Part of the blessing of Pink-Eye is the secretion of the glands of gold from one's tear-ducts. The use of glands of gold remains a mystery to all but the most elite followers of IPU. It is rumored to be an aphrodisiac which rivals Pepper Spray.
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  5go