SANITY TIPS 4 MTNG ATTENDERS: TIP #3 ( VIRTUAL GRAFFITI )

Open mind

FLUFF RATING: 9.9
TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC: 12-16 YRS OLD

FIRST OFF A DISCLAIMER: I IN NO WAY ADVOCATE ACTUAL GRAFFITI OR VANDALISM OF ANY HOUSE OF WORSHIP, EVEN A KH. THINK OF THIS AS PUNCHING A BAG VS. A PERSON.

MY APOLOGIES TO THE LADIES OF THE BOARD ON MY FIRST TWO INSTALLMENTS OF THE "SANITY TIPS" SERIES. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THEM, BUT THEY PRETTY MUCH COULD ONLY BE IMPLEMENTED BY THE BROTHERS. TIP 1, SINGING WITH AN ELVIS, DEAN MARTIN OR COUNTRY WESTERN ACCENT. TIP 2, SCREWING UP IN THE SOUND DEPT JUST SHORT OF GETTING FIRED.

BUT BOTH GENDERS CAN PARTICIPATE IN TIP #3: VIRTUAL GRAFFITI!!! NEXT TIME YOU FIND YOURSELF ZONING OUT ON THE BACK OF SOMEONE'S BEE-HIVE HAIRDO, OR REALLY BAD COMB-OVER AT THE SALON DEL REINO, TRY THIS TIP INSTEAD. YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT (IF YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT) IS TO COME UP WITH A FANTASY GRAFFITI MESSAGE TO BE PLACED SOMEWHERE AT THE VIRTUAL KINGDUMB HALL IN YOUR MIND. (FANTASY RIGHT? VIRTUAL RIGHT? OK, THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'M GOING TO EMPHASIZE THAT PART BUT WE'LL SEE IF SOMEONE STILL FLAMES ME SAYING I'M ADVOCATING VANDALISM, WHICH, FOR THE RECORD, I'M NOT!!!)

ALRIGHT, IF YOU WANT TO PLAY, YOU'VE GOT TO DO TWO THINGS:

1. COME UP WITH YOUR GRAFFITI MESSAGE &
2. TELL US WHERE & HOW IT WOULD BE PRESENTED (THIS IS KEY)

FOR EXAMPLE:

ITEM 1 MESSAGE: "WATCHTOWER SUCKS"

DOESN'T DO A WHOLE LOT FOR ME.

BUT, COMPLETE YOUR ASSIGNMENT AND INCLUDE ITEM 2:

LOCATION/PRESENTATION/SETUP: BLACK FELT TIP MARKER, WRITTEN ON A PIECE OF PAPER AND TAPED TO A VACUUM CLEANER IN THE MAINTENANCE CLOSET. NOW "WATCHTOWER SUCKS" GETS AT LEAST A COUPLE OF POINTS FOR CLEVERNESS DOESN'T IT? OK, MAYBE ONLY ONE POINT. ;)

NOW BEFORE I THROW THIS THING WIDE OPEN FOR ALL YOU MORE CREATIVE FOLK THAN I, I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF LOCATION/PRESENTATION IDEAS THAT YOU CAN JUST ADD A MESSAGE TO IF YOU WANT.

THESE LOCATIONS ARE BOTH RATHER JAMES BONDISH, BUT JUST PLAY ALONG AND PRETEND THAT IT WOULD WORK. THEY BOTH INVOLVE THE PODIUM.

FIRST, YOU HAVE A HIDDEN PIECE OF NOTE PAPER THAT YOU CAN MAKE APPEAR ON THE TOP SURFACE OF THE PODIUM BY REMOTE CONTROL SO THAT ONLY THE SPEAKER CAN SEE IT (AS IF HE'D JUST HAD IT HANDED TO HIM BY THE ATTENDANT). TO HIM IT JUST APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE. WHAT WOULD IT SAY? HOW WOULD YOU USE THIS SET UP?

SECOND, YOU HAVE A HIDDEN, ROLLED-UP SIGN ATTACHED TO THE FRONT OF THE PODIUM THAT WILL UNROLL & BE VISIBLE TO THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE WHEN YOU RELEASE IT BY REMOTE CONTROL. WHAT WOULD IT SAY? WHEN/HOW WOULD YOU USE IT?

OK, HERE'S WHAT MY BORED BRAIN CAME UP WITH AT THE LAST MEETING. YOU WAIT FOR THE MOST UPTIGHT, HOLIER-THAN-THOU, SEXUALLY REPRESSED, OLD-FART ELDER TO BE GIVING A TALK. A COUPLE MINUTES INTO HIS DRONING YOU DEPLOY THE HIDDEN PIECE OF NOTE PAPER WHICH SAYS:................(DRUM ROLL PLEASE) ........."YOU'RE ZIPPER'S DOWN"

NOW, YOU WATCH HIM LIKE A HAWK BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S GONNA CHECK SOONER OR LATER. WHEN YOU SEE HIM START TO CASUALLY MAKE HIS MOVE, YOU DEPLOY THE ROLLED-UP BANNER WHICH SAYS:

"ME SO HORNY!!"

ALRIGHT, I WARNED YOU IN ADVANCE THAT THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC FOR THIS POST WAS 12-16 YRS.

ANY OTHER GRAFFITI IDEAS OUT THERE?

LET'S HEAR 'EM. (REMEMBER MESSAGE & LOCATION/SET UP)

OPEN (slightly bored) MIND

Arthur

Here's a few disclaimers that might be helpful to the unsuspecting newcomer:

At the front gate entrance to the KH: FOUR DOOR VEHICLES ONLY

Above the outside door of the KH: ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK

On the front of the podium: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS

Above the Watchtower bound volumes in the library: MAY CAUSE NAUSEA

Above the literature counter: HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED

Above the toilet in the restroom: DANGER: BLASTING AREA

Arthur

Here's a couple more I just thought of:

Tape on the back of every Irish brother: ALCOHOL 40% (80 PROOF)

Tape on the back of every old person: EXPIRATION 4/5/09

SirNose586

I would imagine many things in my boredom...never graffiti.

I don't have any suggestions as to how to deal with meeting boredom. My one response was to just fall asleep....

Open mind

Ok, here's another idea.

VARIOUS MESSAGES LIKE: Freeminds.org

jehovahs-witness.com

LOCATION: Every 10th or 15th paper towel in the bathroom.

You'd probably be safest if you had a key to the hall for this one so you could set it up discretely.

If someone was in there by themselves, they might just take the towel with them for future reference.

Open Mind

Borgia

A remote controlled yeartext shield.

When the speaker is droning about say
1914 - counter yeartext: no one knows execpt the father. faithfulness in mariage: Judah goes to the hooker FDS - show all false prophesies

etc.

Cheers

Borgia

Change the toilet paper with toilet paper made from the latest obey the FDS article

That should be ok to wipe your butt with.

Cheers

Borgia

Open mind

Borgia: I like the yeartext idea. That will provide me with a little mental stimulation at my next meeting.

Along the same lines, how about slowly messing with the yeartext over time?

Now that we're in April & most people don't even notice it anymore, change a couple letters or a word.

Or, change the foreign language yeartext, if you have one, and see if they notice and get mad at the English congregation(s).

Open Mind

Open mind

Almost forgot,

LMAO @ Arthur!!!

Those were excellent. I really like the "Harmful if Swallowed" and "May Cause Drowsiness".

Anybody else?

Open Mind

Borgia

In that case: try changing is into was. Slight difference in words: huge difference in meaning!

Cheers

Borgia

SANITY TIPS 4 MTNG ATTENDERS: TIP #3 ( VIRTUAL GRAFFITI )

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