More Peculiarities of the English language.

by Clam 18 Replies latest social humour

  • Clam
    Clam

    We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
    but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
    One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
    yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
    You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
    yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

    If the plural of man is always called men,
    why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
    If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
    and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
    If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
    why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

    Then one may be that, and three would be those,
    yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
    and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
    We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
    but though we say mother, we never say methren.
    Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
    but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    I wasn't sure if I should be putting this under Jokes and Humour, so here's a quick joke as well. . .

    One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a
    group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they
    were reading was: THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY.

    After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the
    children, "Do you think she'll die?"

    "Nope," a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night
    on FEAR FACTOR."

    Clam

  • zeroday
    zeroday

    Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn:
    And to spell....

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
    time to present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

  • greendawn
    greendawn

    That's the way it is with the English it has inherited most of these from the original Anglo-Saxon a germanic language. On the other hand it has become easy to learn through the simplification of its grammar where the endings is now minimal. Much easier than say German.

  • hillbilly
    hillbilly

    Cute stuff

    I have worked with several speakers of the Queen's English (Britain, Carribien Islanders)... Why can I understand them...but they dont understand me?

    ~Hill

  • Clam
    Clam

    Good one zeroday

    Hillbilly are you from Michigan originally then? I thought with a name like that you'd be from Tennessee or some such place.

    Clam

  • hillbilly
    hillbilly

    "Hillbilly" is a Michigan bean farmer. I am a Michigan native but lived in the South for a long time before coming back north.

    The Islanders had a hard time with simple things.."Stop the truck at the corner," meant pull into the middle of the intersection, for example. Or, "pull up by the red mailbox" meant speed up to 50mph and stop in the middle of the next intersection, even if it's light is red.

    ~Hill (actually a misplaced cattle rancher class)

  • Clam
    Clam

    I see Hillbilly thanks. When I see that name I think of a fella who eats possum and grits, wears dungarees and is in the middle of a feud with a rival family on the opposite side of the mountain.

    Clam (who's gained his info from watching the Beverly Hillbillies)

  • hillbilly
    hillbilly
    I think of a fella who eats possum and grits, wears dungarees and is in the middle of a feud with a rival family on the opposite side of the mountain.

    Leave out the possum eatin' and add a horse...ya' got the picture pretty well.

    ~Hill

  • Clam
    Clam

    LOL Hillbilly

    Someone just emailed me this joke. . .

    Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big
    smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them
    what has happened.

    "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making
    love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,"
    says the Coroner.

    "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the
    lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning,
    hence the smile."

    The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

    "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-
    Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

    "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

    "Thought he was having his picture taken."

  • needproof
    needproof

    Of course, the great Francis Bacon is responsible for the more modern English language. What a genius that man was.

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