by JH 29 Replies latest jw friends
Do you do it all at once, or several times though out the day?
lisavegas - its not all in one go. I do an hour mixed cardio, weights and yoga in the evening and then half an hour brisk walking at lunch and half an hour to work in the morning. But I have a lot of time on my hands and no responsibilities to any people anymore. There's just me. You get to be very self indulgent as a single person living alone! ;-)
10 years ago I received a letter from my JW mom "drawing a line in the sand"(let the shunning begin), I gave the boot to my cheating partner of seventeen years, I started a new career path and I lived in S. Fla.
Today, still shunned, no significant other, back doing bookkeeping and live upstate NY.
Oh boy, now I'm depressed.
BFD
I feel like i'm a completely different person. It's actually been about 10 years since I left the organization so this is a perfect thread in which to reflect on all of the growing I've done.
First off, and I think most importantly, I'm no longer in the grasps of suicidal depression. I struggled with severe depression while a jehovah's witness with two suicide attempts (one my parents never found out about and the other one...well...they did.) I finally was able to get the help I needed without fear of being labeled weak or not 'trusting in jehovah'. What a change! I know now that I will be on medication for the rest of my life...however, I've realized there is NOTHING and NO ONE worth putting myself back into that mindset or position. Being able to wake up without the first thought being of wanting to not be here is such a wonderous gift. (Not sure how many others felt that way but actuallyt the paradise on earth filled me with dread...the thought of living forever when I couldn't even contemplate anything further than the next minute at times was absolute torture.)
I've made wonderous friendships and added new family members to the ones that I 'lost' when I left the org. My 'sister' Terrie (sister from another mother) has run the gauntlet with me, and I with her, and I would have never met her if I had still been in the clutches of the "Truth."
I met my husband who we've shared almost 9 years of companionship together. I was able to go to college and get a degree and open my horizons. I've always loved learning, but so much of it was discouraged which I think only helped add to the feeling of hopelessness I experienced on a day to day basis.
I think overall I'm a much different person. I'm gregarious now where before I was withdrawn. I love to make people laugh (a defense mechanism - I want people to like me.) But I'm just enjoying the knowledge that the world is what I make of it and not what others tell me it is. I feel like I now have a measure of control over my existence.
That is a lovely hope-inspiring post forsharry - I love seeing how you embrace life and hope your happiness now continues forever.
That was a nice post forSharry. I can relate to the suicidal/depression stuff.
I'm happy for you!!
Peace, Juni
certainly in the past 4/5 years i've grown very strong emotionally in certain respects - i know what i want and if i want to get it i can do so (strangely thanks to the Society).
No KW13 - that is cheating! I want to know exactly what you were doing 10 years ago when you were 8!
10 years ago I was a trapped, confused young adult who had to be home before 8 pm or hell would break over.
I was afraid of armaggedon, not ever measuring up for the high standars required by the insecure, egocentric god I was oblied to believe in.
I was frustrated and terribly lonely.
I was reasonably cultured, but did not know how to formulate thoughts of my own, becasue I did not know how to think.
10 years ago "I knew" I woud never have to die.
Now I am free. I have what I always dared to desire: a domestic partnership with a wonderful husband. I learned to think. I learned to enjoy life. I am still trying to get rid of the guilt. Now I have hope, after I came to terms with my own mortality. BTW, coming to terms with the fact that I am going to die, took like 2 years of kicking and screaming and endless crying. It was a real mournful process. thankfully it is over now.
being aware of reality and living according to it is good most of the time. it is good to have gotten the skills to deal with daily life and the frustrations that life naturally brings.
Now, most of the time, it is good to be alive.
10 years ago I was 23 living in Denver, Co as a worldly person. At 23, I had been out of the org for 5 years! Looking back, I was very self-destructive, always thinking of way I could hurt myself because in my mind I had to be punished. I had an eating disorder, when I drank I got angry, was on the verge of bankcruptcy, etc etc. Yet, while going through it, I had everyone convinced I was this happy bubbily person, I told no one of how I felt. There were a few people that suspected, because there were times that we would go out and drink, and I wound up having too much and would cry (sob really) or I would try to jump out of someone's car, wow never wrote this out before...terrible.
I had my daughter at 23, Haley. The day I found out I was prego, I stopped throwing up. I was 87 lbs. I knew I had to get my life in order...Then my son Dylan came 2 years later...
Fast forward to today, I feel very similiar to those that have posted already. I feel stronger, I know I am. Luckliy I was smart enough to realize that I needed to get my act together for daughter and son, they are 10 and 8 now. They are just so wonderful and make me feel so happy inside. Their dad and I have done well and we put out issues aside for our children. I definitely do not have the financial problems I used to, I have worked hard to never be in that position again (I was so "nice" when I was 23). I now have a wonderful husband whom I think is completely HOT! More importantly, his insides mesh with my insides (I mean our inner souls, lol). We had a new baby on 2/5/07 (horriblelife posted a thread for me), a girl. I have much more patience now too. I am a changed person except I have always had the will to survive even though I had been self-dustructive. When I was going through it, I was in denial that I had a problem....
I have reunited with my former JW mom (in 2000), she is no longer a JW. Definitely more experienced, just plain happy and fulfilled. Nothing is perfect, but I would not change my life now....
Nikki
10 years ago I was married to a wonderful caring man. He always put his family first and time spent with them was often and precious. After many, many years of marriage we were still almost inseperable, we would often sit up late at night talking about everything under the sun before even realizing how late it was. We would play games with the kids, have special dinners, suprises for the kids and so on. The kids would catch us kissing in the kitchen on a regular basis. Sitting on his lap after work hearing about everybody's day was normal. Holidays were quite fun, he was like a little kid when he had a gift for someone! it was rather amusing to watch him. He took great enjoyment from seeing the kids at school functions and special performances and enjoyed talking with the other parents. We were the couple that others came to when having difficulties or asking, how do you guys do it? I could go on and on.
Fast forward to today? I am still married to that man though the wt has changed him so dramatically you wouldn't know it was the same person sometimes. Time spent with family is secondary, hard for us to compete with the carrot of paradise earth they can offer. The kids are embarrassed when he comes to school functions that include the pledge as he is the only one in the whole place who will not stand (those in wheelchairs don't count). I should say if he even goes to the kids stuff, can't have it interfering with meeting nights now can we? Playing games came to a halt as some are no longer deemed appropriate. Even movies are controlled by the wt from afar, even commercials are changed according to his view of what is too racy. I often will catch little buzz words of the wt creeping into his conversation. Speaking of vocabulary, words and emotions that were never part of his make-up are also new, being fearful, scared (of a certain individual with no real justification) always worried about something, before he was more of an optimist. His memory has taken a big hit as well. I'm not sure if that is somehow tied to jw's or not. Again I could go on and on, but almost all of you have lived it so there is no need. There are still many times the old him will shine through. Hard to find those times when the wt has made sure the jw's have inflluence over him every other day, sun, tues, thurs, sat & sun. We still go out for dinner and on occasion do things as a family but that big pink elephant just follows us around.
