by anewme 99 Replies latest jw friends
fart stories happening at the kingdom hall
Oh yes--they are just THE BEST! Must be the Mel Brooks/Monty Python in me.
I remember a story on one of these thread a few years ago, or it could have even been another board, about a brother on the platform who somehow managed to fart into the boom mike. It seems like his wife in the audience couldn't stop laughing. Does anybody remember that story? It sort of gives a new meaning to the term "Boom Mike"
There was a strange middle aged man who used to attend the Sunday meeting from time time time. He was unkempt and smelly. Needless to say, most people steered clear of him. I spoke to him several times, nice guy, and articulate, but obviously someone who had some mental problems based on what he said and the experiences he had.
So, one Sunday, he shows up. Sits right in the middle of the KH. The WT study that week was on the ransom sacrifice of Jesus. So during the study, a question is posed by the conductor: " How did Jesus feel about his death on the stake?"
Well...this guys hand shoots straight up...no one else had raised their hand so the conductor calls on this fellow.
He stands up and says..."When I was on the cross I knew exactly how I felt; lotsa pain; people laughing at me; I really wondered if it was worth it; but I knew it would be over in a short time."
Then he sat down...Stunned silence...the "Son of Man" is in our midst !
The conductor...himself a stiff suit ...says..."Does anyone else have any comments?" WTF...despite muffled laughs, no one raises their hand to top what was already said...
a classic...
Anyway, the fellow would continue to come from time to time after that...but the "brothers" decided not to ever again call on him in the WT study.
This is some good stuff! I don't remember anything really funny happening but that didn't stop us from giggling. There were a few times that some of us young girls just laughed instead of giving our talk. It was the kind of thing where you'd stop laughing but as soon as you looked at the other girl, you'd start again. The brother would just tell us when the 5 minutes was over and we'd laugh ourselves off the stage. People seemed pretty understanding about it.
Some things never change...my sister and I (both middle age) got the giggles in the grocery store last week. People were looking at us--probably thought we'd been drinking.
Crafty
P.S. We weren't drinking!
i'll never forget this. when i was about 5 years old, my family was sitting in the front row at a sunday meeting, and the bro was up on the stage giving the public talk, and some lady walks in and sits a few seats down from me. she was gorgeous, with farrah fawcett hair. anyway, after about 10 minutes or so, she just casually strode up to the stage and elbowed the brother aside and goes off on some kind of rant against the WTS. it took 4 brothers to drag her off. she was determined not to be moved, so she wrapped her legs around the piano bench and took it with her. this was quite a spectacle, especially for me sitting in the front row. maybe it traumatized me, seeing a woman being manhandled like that. i just sat there with my mouth open.
i think about that experience and how much i would like to go up the podium at a KH and elbow the speaker aside. it would take a hell of a lot more than 4 brothers to drag me off though. i can put up quite a fight.
sarah:-)
I remember a brother getting up on the platform and he forgot his prescription reading glasses, so he had to try and work from memory. He was an older chap, and the words came out hilariously funny. It just goes to show how badly attached the WT mind is to it's borg counterpart, the magazine articles. He kept on making sure that every other word was "Jehovah", as I suppose that would cover ground on all points. It sounded like total gibberish, and what is more incredible is how everyone else in the hall was trying not to laugh, but one brother in the back who had a psychological problem, started laughing profusely. When one of the elders came over to quiet the man who was laughing, he started waving his hands and fists in the air and screaming "Jehovah help me!!". IT was a scene, man. BTW I am new to this forum, so anyone who can help me with anything let me know, if you are willing that is.
Just a crazy sister with mental sickness that the elders DF, kept on coming into the KH and screaming her head off and often the cops had to be called
The speaker didn't show up and the meeting was AN HOUR SHORTER!
One time the power went out and the meeting ended early!
When we still had live music and a piano player she had to leave to deliver her baby. We sang accappela and were thinking about the new baby to come!
A woman who was not considered a strong jw lost her young daughter to a horrible car ax. The funeral was at the hall and meal after was at the woman's home (her hubby was not jw). Well the PO of the hall was best friends w/ a guy who was a jw but his wife was not. It was thought that this good ol' jw man was carrying on w/ the sole pioneer in the hall (who also was very close to the PO and his wife). At the after funeral dinner, the good ol' jw man's worldly wife walked over to the PO, his wife, and the pioneer sister and said "I know you are f*cking my husband and this man (pointing at PO) knows all about it but is ignoring what is happening. If I get proof, which I know I will, I am taking you good fine JWs down and I mean all of you!" And the woman left. Of course all the jws were mortified and said it was a bad witness to the dead girl's non-believing dad. But the saddest part was that the jws always talked bad about the worldly woman who outed her hubby and his mistress.
On time a sister was giving her talk pretending to be talking on the phone. Well, a mouse started going up the cord. She saw it but continued to give her talk. All of a suddent two elders come with buckets from either side of the stage and try to catch this mouse. One fell flat on his face. All the time the sister is talking faster and faster. The audience just sat there and roared. It spiced us the meeting a little
Hey Im back! Wow is all I can say!!! Its cool this thread brought out some old timer members who do not post often and some new ones!
TUESDAY------ the stupid antiquated boom mike smacking the elder's wife on the head is a visual! I can see why you kids laughed and laughed at that. (hard not to)
LIMBOGIRL------Your parents beating the c--- out of their son on stage----- Priceless evidence of Jesus' love and patience within the org!
WHITEDOVE------ two deaths? One at hall and the other at an assembly. Dreadful!
A BIG WELCOME TO THE FORUM BY THE WAY!
THREE STARS------- Your story of the deaf brother singing during the musical interlude was cute!
I like the deaf people I have met. But singing for them has its dangers for sure!
And I agree with you that a good fart story can make my day too!!!
And your mom beating the P.O was so sad and funny. (Shame the Watchtower puts such
pressures on people they sometimes explode! I know because I was one who exploded too!
Its always the ones who try so hard to please the borg)
PROANDCON--------- Your stories of misfits and people needing meds brought back memories for me too.
CRAFTY LADY-------- Two sisters laughing the whole time they are up on stage....we had two fleshly sisters
who did that again and again. Oh brother, I really wanted to leave my cozy home for
that!!!
SKUNKIE------------WOW!!! The blonde coming up and grabbing the mike and taking over the meeting and
then wrapping her legs around the piano bench while the elders carry her out must
have been very exciting to watch!!! My goodness!! And you are right, JWD would
CHEER HER TODAY!!!!!!
CREEPER------------Welcome to the forum newbie!!! The mumbling brother is all too familiar a story!
And the brother in the back screaming "Help me Jehovah!" was too funny!!!
ESW1966------------ We experienced the delight of having to sing acappella too one Sunday. That did not
work in our hall. People were trying to sing the melody and some were trying to be
creative and sing the harmony. But the harmony singers were getting the weaker
melody singer off. It was a fiasco. But right after that we went to the RECORDINGS.
Now there is where alot of humor came from, the recording fiascos!
Have any more stories??? Hmmm???? Keep em comin!
