They are stalking me,,

by gabriella 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  gabriella

  I recently moved back to my home town after being away for several years and doing the "fade". I have family still in, so people heard that I was back in town. I got six invitations to the memorial and a couple of phone calls about the special talk. I didn't go and now we are getting visits every weekend. I haven't gone to a meeting in over five years and just because they remember me as being a witness they are hounding me to go back. At first I thought that it was just some of the people I knew trying to welcome me back to town but the last couple weekends it has been elders (haven't answered the door). I know what they believe and know where the kingdom hall is if I wanted to go so I don't know why they would keep coming by other than to try to shame me into going or get me to recognize the elders "authority" (which I don't anymore).

  Anyway, I just needed some input or advice because the visits have started to feel more like stalking. Have any of you had the experience of fading away and then having the pressure start all over again years later? If it wasn't for me family members still in I would disassociate myself, but I didn't move back near my family to break off my relationship with them (they are still really good to me and still talk to me). If the visits keep coming I know that I will be put in a position to have to either disassociate myself or go back (not going to happen). Why do they insist on keeping up the visits and putting me in that position? Maybe they are upset that I managed to leave and still have a good relationship with my family. We can't have that now!! How can I get the visits to stop without being forced to disassociate myself? Has anything worked for you?

  Thanks, Gabriella
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  carla

  First put up a no trespassing sign, that will at least keep the jw who don't know you personally from knocking. As for family, can't you just be very busy or something when they want you to go a meeting? Other fader will have better ideas for you.
• 

  cyberdyne systems 101

  I think they keep up this pressure, as they see you as a danger to the flock. You can and have found out the real truth about them and the teachings which makes you highly dangerous. Is it possible your own family has initiated this 'help'? The only thing I think you can do is always try to avoid them, be busy, unabtainable and so on. If you meet some JW's in town, just make excuses and still agree with everything. Eventually they should let it go, but dont be surprised that some would disassociate you themselves because you've stopped attending - which to them says your weak and therefore, not worth associating with.

  Good luck

  CS 101
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  carla

  If you meet some in town just use their own technique, quickly change the subject!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  They think they are doing God's bidding. If they are "encouraging" then you might come back.

  Tough spot to be in. If you take any action to rid yourself of them, they might feel obligated to
  do something toward removing the danger you represent from the active dubs in your family.
  Perhaps you will just have to avoid them and hope it dies down.

  If your publisher's record card is still at the last congregation, that's good. Don't ever tell anyone
  of them where you last attended, even if they already know. They might actually be concerned
  people who want to "save" you by having the records forwarded, so that they can officially make
  you their concern. If they already got the cards, they might do this to you every year.

  If it doesn't die down, or starts up again each year or each CO visit time, you might have to face
  them. Don't put anything in writing, and don't say anything to DA yourself. Just face them at the
  door, saying "Thank you for your concern. I know where the Hall is if I need to talk to you."

  (Optional- add in "Now, please stop coming by. The neighbors are concerned about who those
  strange men are.")
• 

  zagor

  My last encounter of the third kind with them was when they came to wind up my ex against me, so I did what any "worldly" loving husband would. Basically, kicked them out and threw all the magazines they brought after them. That was the last time they came to my door.

  If you don't want them around let them know. And by the way they can't disfellowship you because of that.

  p.s. you should post here more often ;)
• 

  dedpoet

  Hi Gabriella,

  I had a similar experience to you a couple of years ago. I stopped attending
  in 1999, and after a few visits, was left alone, although I didn't move house, for
  over 5 years, until one day in June 2005 a couple of elders turned up to check
  on my status as a jw, and to try to encourage pressure me to go back. I gave
  them short shrift, and told them I wouldn't be attending any meetings anytime
  in the future, so they contacted me again by letter, inviting me to meet with 3
  of them at the kingdom hall, after which I did what I should have done years
  before and disassociated by letter to the UK branch office, going over the
  heads of the local elders.

  I have no relatives in the lie, so I had little to lose by my actions, especially
  as many jws were shunning me by then anyway. I know others who are fading
  who tell the elders they are depressed, have work or family commitments, or
  are having a crisis of faith they need to sort out for themselves, anything to get
  the elders off their backs and avoid losing their families by da'ing or being df'd.
  Maybe you could try something like this? Obviously, there is no guarantee it
  will work permanently, if at all, but maybe it's worth a try, especially the line
  about being depressed, which many elders seem to shy away from.

  Whatever you do, all the best, I hope it works for you.

  dedpoet
• 

  LovesDubs

  They dont need much to move against you any more. Conduct unbecoming a Christian...an arbitrary accusation...they use all the time. Or ...a danger to the flock...or apostate behavior...whatever happened to the "two witness" rule anyway? Which they apparently only apply to cases of MOLESTATION these days.

  They cant DF you for not answering the door to UNINVITED people. How would these clowns like it if you went to THEIR homes and repeatedly beat on the door? If they are going to DA or DF you for not attending meetings then they need to do that across the BOARD to all people who are not attending meetings.

  Dont answer the door. Just dont. Its your door. I think your relatives put them up to this. Usually the elders dont take this much time to pursue wandering sheep. You might say to your JW relatives that you have had a lot of unwanted "sheparding calls" lately and you appreciate everyone's concern, but that your issues are personal and you would appreciate everyone respecting your wishes that you not be bothered at your home which only makes matters worse.

  It is not LOVING to beat someone over the head when theyre down and out and thats what they are doing.
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  daystar

  How can I get the visits to stop without being forced to disassociate myself? Has anything worked for you?

  They're probably trying to figure out where you stand. If you do happen to actually speak to an elder, I suspect they'll eventually be asking you that one key question that will get you marked for certain. Something like "Do you believe JWs are the earthly representative of Jehovah" or something like that. Someone else here can probably provide the exact phrasing.

  I don't know how you might get the visits to stop without DAing yourself. I think their goal is to either get you to come back to the meetings, or determine if you should be DA'd, etc.
• 

  rebel8

  Hang a crucifix on your front door!
  
  Or on a more serious note....the cross would get you dfd but what about something that's less blatant, such as a wind chime or YMCA membership sticker on your car? Maybe they wouldn't want to interact with you if you are perceived as un-save-able or bad association. You might have to turn up the volume each time they ignore it....for example, adding a "support the troops" magnet to your car + wind chime + YMCA...maybe they will get the hint eventually.
  
  OR you could just do like I did and directly ask them to stop contacting you, and put yourself on the do not call list. No guarantee that will work, but it might.