by purplesofa 13 Replies latest jw friends
My daughter is allowed once a month to go to a food bank here in our area. On top of the woman stealing from her account, she went to the food bank and used my daughters name to collect her portion, not allowing her to get anything.
It feels like such a violation and I really feel for my daughter
purps
Daystar, Al-Anon and AA have a much older history than the Scientologists.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-anon
I suspect rather that individual chapters have gone rogue.
Purps,
So sorry to hear of the troubles your daughter is having with a sick sponsor. I've seen and heard similar stories, and in many groups have been one of the "elder members" who tried to run interference for newcomers with these chronically-sick types.
Jgnat is absolutely right--it's possible for a strong personality to take over a group and lead it away from the AA principles. In most cases, that group simply dies out. Every once in awhile, there's a rogue group that causes problems--see my earlier mention of Synanon--but even in those cases, publicity usually follows.
Things to remember:
Any AA member can claim any amount of sobriety they want. Whether or not they're actually sober is another matter. That's why it's so important--as in any situation--to watch what people do rather than what they say. I personally watch for the ones who claim a number of years and then say, "But time really doesn't matter." I've found that when they say that, it usually means they don't have much time. Here's a good rule of thumb: a drunk who doesn't know his or her sobriety date probably doesn't have a sobriety date.
AA does not ask any member to provide for any other member. Our tradition is to be self-supporting through our own contributions, at both the group and individual level. We don't feed, clothe, house or employ at AA--there are social services agencies for that. So any AA member that is asking for those things--or trying to force those things upon a newcomer--has an agenda that is not part of AA.
Now that doesn't mean we don't give tips on job openings or rentals--like any friends would for each other--but we don't function as an employment agency or an emergency shelter. And all too often, we learn the hard way that trying to take care of other drunks only makes it possible for them to be insincere in their recovery.
For example, I had a sponsee that was homeless and unemployed, and I took her in and let her sleep on my couch (this was very early in my sobriety--I was only about 2 years sober at the time). The deal was that she would help around the house and look for work during the day. After a month, I figured out that this was not good for her when I walked in the door after work to find her stretched out on the couch holding my remote like it was glued to her hand, drinking my Pepsi. When she looked up and asked, "What's for dinner?" I knew it was time for her to go. She is sober today, for almost 10 years--but she had a number of relapses before she realized that she had to take responsibility for herself.
If your daughter's sponsor is alcoholic (at least alcoholic like I'm alcoholic), her behavior will catch up with her and cost her a great deal--quite possibly her life. I'm sorry that your daughter has been hurt in the process, but believe me, the sponsor will pay at some point. Making a police report is the best thing your daughter could possibly do, both because it gives your daughter a chance to reclaim her autonomy and reinforce her own determination to do the right thing no matter what, and also because it makes it possible for the sponsor (and I am using that term very loosely here) to face the consequences of her actions.
Hang in there. I'm hoping for the best for your daughter...and always, for you.
Jankyn
Jankyn,
Thanks for your comments.
Today the sponser has been texting my daughter ....telling her she is sick and other things I cant remember as we were on the phone. She told my daughter that right wins out over wrong in one of her text messages.
I told my daughter that the sponser is harrassing her and to block her from her phone. This is starting to stress her ...just at a time when she is getting stable. She IS not drinking,
The AA meetings she goes to alot of business people support that facility. One day a week they feed the homeless and the business people from the area come and mingle with the homeless and the AA sponsees ....just whoever is there.
Thanks again for your comments.
purps
