BOO-HOOs are Welcome here!

tyydyy

Just wanted to find out if anyone has experienced some of the emotions that are mentioned in this article. Feel free to express anger, sorrow or elation. That's what we're here for.

TimB

Post-Cult Trauma Syndrome*

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After exiting a cult, an individual may experience a period of intense and often conflicting emotions. She or he may feel relief to be out of the group, but also may feel grief over the loss of positive elements in the cult, such as friendships, a sense of belonging or the feeling of personal worth generated by the group's stated ideals or mission. The emotional upheaval of the period is often characterized by "post- cult trauma syndrome":

spontaneous crying
sense of loss
depression & suicidal thoughts
fear that not obeying the cult's wishes will result in God's wrath or loss of salvation
alienation from family, friends
sense of isolation, loneliness due to being surrounded by people who have no basis for understanding cult life
fear of evil spirits taking over one's life outside the cult
scrupulosity, excessive rigidity about rules of minor importance
panic disproportionate to one's circumstances
fear of going insane
confusion about right and wrong
sexual conflicts
unwarranted guilt
The period of exiting from a cult is usually a traumatic experience and, like any great change in a person's life, involves passing through stages of accommodation to the change:

Disbelief/denial: "This can't be happening. It couldn't have been that bad."
Anger/hostility: "How could they/I be so wrong?" (hate feelings)
Self-pity/depression: "Why me? I can't do this."
Fear/bargaining: "I don't know if I can live without my group. Maybe I can still associate with it on a limited basis, if I do what they want."
Reassessment: "Maybe I was wrong about the group's being so wonderful."
Accommodation/acceptance: "I can move beyond this experience and choose new directions for my life" or...
Reinvolvement: "I think I will rejoin the group."
Passing through these stages is seldom a smooth progression. It is fairly typical to bounce back and forth between different stages. Not everyone achieves the stage of accommodation / acceptance. Some return to cult life. But for those who do not, the following may be experienced for a period of several months:

flashbacks to cult life
simplistic black-white thinking
sense of unreality
suggestibility, ie. automatic obedience responses to trigger-terms of the cult's loaded language or to innocent suggestions
disassociation (spacing out)
feeling "out of it"
"Stockholm Syndrome": knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person
difficulty concentrating
incapacity to make decisions
hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult or toward the cult itself
mental confusion
low self-esteem
dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake
loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks
dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult
hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting
difficulty managing time
trouble holding down a job
Most of these symptoms subside as the victim mainstreams into everyday routines of normal life. In a small number of cases, the symptoms continue.

* This information is a composite list from the following sources: "Coming Out of Cults", by Margaret Thaler Singer, Psychology Today, Jan. 1979, P. 75; "Destructive Cults, Mind Control and Psychological Coercion""Destructive Cults, Mind Control and Psychological Coercion"", Positive Action Portland, Oregon, and ""Fact Sheet", Cult Hot-Line and Clinic, New York City.

LDH

Tyydyy,

Yes I have experienced many of these symptoms, but mostly were related to the WTC tragedy a few weeks ago.

Also, I am WAY hormonal, 8.5 mos pregnant. I cry at anything.

I think I have hardened my heart when it comes to the WBTS. They are the one 'thing' I don't cry over. I get feelings of rage and anger similar to what drove Osama to declare a Jihad.

I hope some lurkers will read this post and realise what is causing their mental distress. The WBTS has made Jesus' burden so heavy it is literally killing people--Physically and mentally.

Lisa

pettygrudger

ALL of the above. It wasn't until very recently that I even considered the JW's "a cult". I plan on buying this book & perhaps it will help w/many issues in my life. If the JW's are a cult, which it appears they are, how can they have soooo many members? When I think of cults, I think of Hari-Krishnas & Waco - very small in size. What gives the JW's so much power?

bboyneko

those reactiosn are common to many people who have suffered, including sexual abuse, watching your family be raped and killed before your eyes, war experiences, death of loved ones in general, horrible mutilation, scarring (as in burn victims) paralysis, cancer, etc.

this was an interesting point:
hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult or toward the cult itself

and also

Most of these symptoms subside as the victim mainstreams into everyday routines of normal life. In a small number of cases, the symptoms continue.

Boohooing shouldnt take up your whole life, you eventually have to move on and do something positive with your experience. Nuthin wrong with boohooin, just dont let it take over.

tyydyy

Thank you Bboyneko, we never would have known that. The idea is not to try to ignore the feelings that you may have. When you suppress these powerful emotions it can cause even more damage. That is why these discussion boards are so important for the healing process. When someone makes an insensitive remark like "stop your crying" and "get on with your life", it may cause certain ones to hold their emotions inside. It may also cause others that are lurking to withhold sharing their experiences and pain out of fear of being called a cry-baby.

Be careful please.

Tim B

somebody

thanks for the information ty,

I've never experienced having trouble holding down a job, but I have experienced all the rest of the symptoms listed at one time or another. I guess with time, it gets better. I'm down to only experiencing about 6 or 7 of them to this day, and I've been out for 21 years now, as you've read in lydia's thread. I really consider myself one of the fortunate ones here on the board. I haven't had any physical damage done to me by the borg or borg members while in it. And I agree that there are tons of people outside the borg who have had terrible things happen to them too, but I don't think it's a good idea to chose words such as "stop the boo hooing mindset". I also agree with all that have said that the boo hooing is a neccessary part of healing, and with those who have said that we can't stay in that mode forever. Only because we'll get stuck there forever, not being able to move forward. I'm glad that we can feel free to laugh, cry, feel bad for ourselves and others who have gone through what we have here, and to talk about our feelings. There are many here who have held things in and kept their emotions to themselves for years and could not progress at all in healing. I think they rightly deserve the chance to be angry and boo hoo!

bboy,

squirrel juggling?

peace,
somebody

Xena

Thank you tyydyy for giving me a place where I feel comfortable to express my feelings without being called names...oohhh wait bboy just took that away... nevermind...

hhhmmy bboy just my take on it but you seem to be experiencing the following:

1. Disbelief/denial: "This can't be happening. It couldn't have been that bad."

2. simplistic black-white thinking

3. mental confusion

4. hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting (or judging others?)

Of course I don't know you...there might be more...but don't worry if you want to express yourself on here I won't call you any names...but I can't speak for others so watch out!

somebody

Hi Xena,

Thank you tyydyy for giving me a place where I feel comfortable to express my feelings without being called names.

I hope you stick around and continue to feel comfortable expressing your feelings here. please don't let the tactless words of one person who has never been in the borg get you too upset.

peace,
somebody.....of the boo-hooers class

Xena

Thank you for your post somebody...and don't worry I am not the kind of person to let ANYONE run me off.

I do worry about other people who aren't as thick-skinned as me though...I guess that is why it got to me so much. lol you can rag on me all you want and I am the kind who will just laugh it off, but there are a lot of people out there who would be hurt by those words...people who need to be heard too..everyone is at a different place in the healing process and WE as individuals don't know where that is for them, so instead of shutting them down when they feel the need to vent...let them vent. Does it really hurt anybody for them to do this?

Yes we do all need to move forward, but no one knows when it is time for you except YOU...

pettygrudger

Did I miss something? In bboy's defense, he did say
"Nuthin wrong with boohooin, just dont let it take over"
But, bboy, the problem is that there are many (like me) who spent years just feeling sooooooooooooo self-worthless, they wouldn't even have BEGUN to look at what was really going on! And they aren't automatically boo-hooing either - they don't feel they even deserve that priviledge!!!!!!! Thanks Tyydyy - perhaps reposting this thread will help many of the others that are bound to find their way to places like this!!!

BOO-HOOs are Welcome here!

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