Well, I left around January or February, and it's been about 3 months or so experiencing "worldly" living. I gotta say...it's been an interesting and uncomfortable transition, to say the least. I would just like to update everyone on how I'm doing, and share some of my worldly experiences, as well.
Well, obviously, I'm not hanging out with ANy witness friends-i lost my whole social base of friends, so I gotta start clean. But...it's hard to just go out there and "make friends." I've been hanging out w/ some ex-witness friends (like one or two) and one friend from high school. Last night, I went out to a bar/arcade type place and I met some new people. I met this one guy who was NOT a good guy. The stuff he was saying was pretty much shocking. He was talking about how much he loved money and would do anything for it. He was saying he didn't care if he had to kill for money, or if the products he helped sell (ie: bombs) killed people-he'd still do it b/c he doesn't consider himself 'responsible.' He went on and on about how everyone has a price in life and according to his morals, it's not wrong. Then I said of course killing people for money is wrong, and he's like 'well, only according to YOUR morals-and that's YOUR price, not mine." Basically, I felt like I was looking into the eyes of a cold-blooded killer, whether he's done the deed or not. j
In other experiences...I met a nice guy who I dated for a month. I haven't had a boyfriend for 3 years, so I really want one, so I got involved w/ this guy. 2 weeks after we dated and were having a great time together, I mentioned how we should be boyfriend/girlfriend (this is about 3 instances AFTER us getting hot and heavy)- when I said that, he sat up, stared at me like WTF and was shocked -simply *shocked* *shocked* I could POSSIBLY want to be his girlfriend after 2 weeks of doing, well, the hibbidy, dibbidy. I think if you're intimate w/ someone, you should generally call them your gf or bf!!! FOr God's sakes....so he told me he wasn't "looking for a serious relationship." (I can't people "date" and still consider themselves single.). I guess worldly people are okay w/ dating MULTIPLE people at a time. So that was a big confusing mess to me, and I recently broke it off realizing he's a nice guy, but is not wanting a girlfriend and will casually string me along.
In the "world" dating is so F**** d up!!! It's like dating and relationships GO Together, or so I thought.
That whole thing was a TRaNSTION for me, like I said.
I rememember one night me and him got some drinks and when my drink came, I just dove right in. He looked at me like "Hellooo?" He's like "Aren't you gonna toast before you drink it!?" (I'M AN EX-WITNESS DUDE!! I didn't go into the whole story of how toasting was considered DEMONIzeD in my old religion!!!).
Other than that, there's a lot more swearing out there and general immorality. I seriously can't believe how immoral everyone is. It's been hard, really hard lately. It's exciting to be my own woman and realizing that the whole being a Witness thing was NOT TRUE and now my LIfe is open to live and seriously pursue my passions-so many doors have been opened, but at the same time I feel....
like there's a hole in my heart. I feel a shallowness that fills me-there's not that deep warmth and purpose and strong core I felt as a Witness when everything had an answer and it was all a matter of time till we're in Paradise.
I don't know-there have been so many things going on now-it's been fun, but scary and hard as well. My brother said it will take a good year before I fully adjust as a "worldly person."