What is the JW position on attending weddings in other churches?

Kudra

I ask because I am planning my lovely wedding with my sweetie...

And the CHAPEL that we are doing this in has a CROSS on the ALTAR.

Will the dubs see it and hightail it out of there? I am a fader and everyone kiiiinda knows that... but...

So we are sending out an email to some friends that has links to the lodge and chapel that we have chosen and some of those people are my old dub friends. I am afraid that they will see the chapel and not come. It is a ~1000 mile trip for virtually everyone (in the middle of the country) so they might be easily dissuaded from attending...

I COULD just not let them now it will be in a "chapel" (really just a 3-sided structure in the mountains that happens to be called St. Alban's Chapel and has a cross on the stone altar inside... would they totally freak and leave when they lay eyes on it?? That would be terrible.

I am not religious and just love the quaint location and setting (10,500 feet, mountains of Wyoming) and do not mind having the ceremony in a religious place.

Also, my sweetie's friend will be performing the ceremony as he was studying to be a minister and is very well spoken and thoughtful. So he will be using scriptures and stuff, so does that count as a "religious service"?

I am not going to change anything I am doing, I just would like any info from people who have been through this situation. I would like to know what to expect.

My dub friends are sorta bad sometimes, but then they can get all self-righteous at odd times. Very bizarre.

(for example, one married "sister" that is invited was sort of seeing a worldly guy, felt bad and stopped but at the same time did not let her daughter spend any time at this unbaptized friend's house because her mother and her mother's very devoted partner and father of her child are not married)

Just crazy, huh? I don't want to expose my sweetie and the rest of our guests to anything negative on that day...

I just need some examples of what other dubs have done in situations like this and TECHNICALLY if JWs are allowed in another church to attend a wedding service.

THANKS-

-Kudra

nvrgnbk

Pretty sure that's a major no-no!

Congrats Kudra! I hope the fellow is a nice Bethelite or at minimum a MS who aux. pios from time- to- time.

Keep chaste sis!

Nvr

jgnat

I've seen various responses, as it is a "conscience matter". A JW definitely cannot participate in any of Christendom's religious rituals. Some decide not to enter the church at all. Others (i.e. third generation) quietly sit at the back near the aisle for a quick exit. All are free to attend the reception in a non-religious location.

I wouldn't set out to deceive the JW relatives. That might result in a rather unpleasant scene at the chapel. Offer them the opportunity to attend the reception alone and you should be fine.

AudeSapere

The fact that you - technically still a witness - are marrying a non-believer will probably keep many of them away. The church will probably make a few other re-think their positions.

Even down to the last minute, witness consciences can pang them and they become uncomfortable.

Sounds lovely to me, though.

Congrats and Best Wishes.

-Aude.

jaguarbass

Dont ask, Dont tell.

Frequent_Fader_Miles

Congrats to you and your sweetie!

As a recently married fader myself, I found myself in a similar position. My husband is an "unbeliever". The majority of my JW family I simply never informed them of my plans to get married. I didn't ivite them either. Of course they did eventually find out, but since they were completely blocked out at the planning stage, things went relatively smoothly. My mom was threatened with "loss of privileges" if she attended, but her own PO told her it was a conscience matter. My civil ceremony was held on neutral ground ... and many invited guests simply didn't show up. A couple of them did though. Do you really want them to be present? If you do, then my advice would be to let them know of the setting in advance. That way you'll avoid any unnecessary embarassment on your special day.

sass_my_frass

Aww cmon! You know that they think that religion is a snare and a racket and a prostitute and a lion seeking to devour. If they don't happen to look it up, then travel 1000 miles and walk into a church, yes they're going to be bad company and a weirdness on your day. You really have to let them know that it is in a 'chapel' but that it is entirely benign. Explain the quaint setting and your connection to it, and that it will be a non-JW but still religious ceremony, and give them the opportunity to choose.

Just crazy, huh? I don't want to expose my sweetie and the rest of our guests to anything negative on that day...

Indeed you don't. If it's a problem to them, you're better off not having them there.

I just need some examples of what other dubs have done in situations like this and TECHNICALLY if JWs are allowed in another church to attend a wedding service.

Technically, yes they're allowed; the problem is your fade. There are good odds that they'll talk about it and that this will be the end of it.

mimimimi

This is definitely a conscience matter. I dealt with this many times over the years that I was an active J-Dub. My husband was a non-believer and I attended many weddings of family, friends, and coworkers of his in churches. I did not tell others in the congregation about it because I had learned a long time ago to keep my business to myself, there were those who would always judge and make an issue of things.

A pioneer sister cleans house for me once a week. She knows I don't go to the Hall any more, but she doesn't know I no longer believe in it. We just don't talk about it. Her husband is an elder. About a year or so ago, they attended a wedding of a family member in a church. She said she told her husband they should go because they did not do the holidays with them and she was afraid if they didn't go, the family would think they just didn't care about them.

My youngest son got married in January at a Presbyterian church here in town. My mother, brother and sister-in-law, and two nephews and their wives, all witnesses, chose not to go the wedding because it was in a church, but did come to the reception. My sister and two of her sons who are witnesses and her daughter-in-law who is a witness did come to the wedding even though it was in a church. Our mother tried to put a guilt trip on her over it and convince her not to go, but my sister said to me that she read the Watchtower article they were going by and it was clearly a matter of conscience and that her conscience would allow her to attend. There are a lot of hard feelings in my immediate family toward the ones who would not attend the church wedding. The pioneer sister who cleans for me said to me that there are many witnesses who would never step foot in a church for anything.

That being said, the problem you are going to have is that you have been a witness and have faded. Were you baptized? Particularly if you were baptized, there may be some who would not attend. But you need to be upfront with everyone about where the wedding is being held. Anway, congratulations. I wish you the very best.

Junction-Guy

One thing you have to understand about "conscience issues" is that many JW's would attend a wedding in a church, but criticize others for doing it.

When my stepmom's cousin got married at a Lutheran church, we all attended that.

When my uncle on my Moms side got married, my Dad almost prevented my brother from going because it was in an Episcopalian church, he finally let him go.

stillajwexelder

discouraged but you will not get the Big D for it

What is the JW position on attending weddings in other churches?

Share this