I can't talk to my parents.....

by Adolfius 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Quandry

  First, welcome to the board.

  Second, you have seen something horrible and are understandably very upset.

  But, your parents are not to blame, and have no conception of the anger you hold inside. They, like many of us, were drawn in by thoughts of a loving God making this earth a cleansed paradise. They want wickedness such as you observed to end, and for all people to be loving and peaceful.

  The other side points that the WTS makes, like the rape policy, which they went back and forth on (the woman must scream, no, she doesn't have to, yes, she does, no, she doesn't) aren't well known to the average person sitting in the Kingdom Hall thinking about petting a lion in paradise. Or, maybe they were concerned, but I think the latest belief on this policy is that the woman does NOT have to scream. Maybe they were relieved by this change, and felt that "the light got brighter."

  The WTS practices shunning. It is a cruel and unloving practice, akin almost to killing the relative. It is treating them as though they were dead. Please do not do this to your parents.

  Patience is something that we are not born with. One can look at a child and see this. It must be developed. But if all people excercised it, wouldn't this world be a far better place?

  As a parent who believed with all my heart for over thirty years that the WTS was correct on every word that they pronounced, and raised my daughter in the religion, only to have her treated in a humiliating, cruel and heartless manner by a Judicial Committee, and called a liar and other things, I can tell you that your parents are truly convinced that they are doing their utmost to serve God in a way that they feel inside is the only way to serve him, but have not seen the other side of the WTS.

  You cannot change that overnight or with one heated ultimatum. Please slow down. Anger is a horrible thing to live with, and an angry person does not usually persuade anyone with angry words. Calm and reason are called for. Sometimes, until one experiences something themselves, such as you did, they have no conception.

  I am sure your parents don't. Please don't push them out of your life. I wish you the best.
• 

  greendawn

  Unfortunately in those traditional Moslem societies thi shappens, girls get raped by uncles cousins etc and then they get killed sometimes even burnt alive as if they were they were the ones that committed the crime. It's fascist beyond belief.

  As for he JWs they are also an org functioning along fascist lines that belong to a bygone age at least in the Western world. That's the only way for them to secure their control over their followers given the numerous flaws in their ideology and overall policies. Astonishingly millions got so taken in they believe this rotten religion is the truth.
• 

  jgnat

  I am gratified that you are taking a second wind.

  what infuriates me is the comlpetely sober and rational thought that the witnesses give this sort of policy

  Which goes to show that even apparently reasonable solutions have to be tested with the heart. The mind has an almost endless ability to deceive itself. You might like to read up on such brain farts as Cognitive Dissonance and Granfalloon (thanks, M. J. ). People like to believe that they are completely in control of their own decisions. The truth is, we can all fall for the lie. The scary part, is how easy it is.

  Have you ever wondered about those promotional weekends, all expenses paid, the only catch is that you have to sit in a convention room and listen to a promotional speaker all day? Why do those things work so well?
• 

  Adolfius

  But, your parents are not to blame, and have no conception of the anger you hold inside. They, like many of us, were drawn in by thoughts of a loving God making this earth a cleansed paradise. They want wickedness such as you observed to end, and for all people to be loving and peaceful.

  Thanks for the comments Quandry. This is something that makes it all the harder. I know that the individuals within the org are generally nice and good people drawn in by the illusion of a loving society. If my parents were fully concious of how evil it really was and still went along with it, I would have no problem giving an ultimatum along the lines of "choose your family or the religion", and I'd happily walk away without a second thought if they chose the WTS. But they don't realise, and are not conciously practicing the evil policies of the borg.

  The society does paint a very rosy picture of happy smiling "united" families, sat in a paradise, and it cleverly gives the impression that they are family orientated. But the more I see on this forum, the more I realise the family is not in the least bit important to them. This forum is filled with people who have had their family ripped to pieces. I think the post by mouthy http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/134305/1.ashx sums this up completely. Very sad.

  I think this anti-family aproach may be my best hope as family is very important, especially to my mother. All my brothers and sisters have left the org, and none of the extended family are or ever were in, so my parents are the only ones left. Maybe showing how the society (run by old men that have never had families) are so against the family, to the point that you should disown a relative for being raped, is the way to convince them that this isn't quite as the happy images would suggest.

  The congnitive dissonance link is great, thanks jgnat. It's amazing how easily a mind can be manipulated.
• 

  SixofNine

  "I justified it in my head that those people are less than animals and evil in the extreme."

  You're dealing with more than a little cognitive dissonance of your own.
• 

  Adolfius

  You're dealing with more than a little cognitive dissonance of your own.

  LOL. Maybe that didn't come out quite right! What I meant was it didn't make sense to me how a father could show such disregard or lack of love for his own daughter. The behaviour was just alien to me. I didn't understand it.......I still don't. If you could give me a good explanation as to how someone could think with that logic I'd appreciate it. I'm not trying to deny anything, but for me it seems inhuman to behave in such a way.....maybe it's perfectly normal
• 

  LeslieV

  What you witnessed was truly awful....but if you put it in context, doesn't the JW religion do the same every day? Maybe not physically killing their own, but with disfellowshipping etc they turn their back on their own children. Because of turning their backs on their young, many have committed suicide. They will allow their children to die instead of giving them blood. Can you really say they are any less blood guilty then those that hold fundemental beliefs that you saw in Iraq? The JW religion just looks better from the outside...but when you look closely same behavior just more insidious.

  Welcome to the board glad you are with us.

  Leslie
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  Tread lightly, my friend. Like JGnat said, patience will take you places that rushing will never get you.

  >>Maybe showing how the society (run by old men that have never had families) are so against the family, to the point that you should disown a relative for being raped

  I don't think that's quite the policy of the Watchtower. Their policy is warped and crazy and can wind up making the rape victim into a criminal, at which point the victim may become shunned. But the likelihood of that is very low. The greater likelihood is that the victim would be privately reproved or perhaps publicly reproved, and would not be subject to shunning.

  Of course that's still a grossly inhuman way to act and flies in the face of love and decency. But your parents will (as any JW would) take you to task over the "disown a relative for being raped" idea, and you won't be able to defend it to their satisfaction. It will only serve to drive a wedge between you.

  I don't have a silver bullet for you, I wish I did. But that approach is unlikely to awaken them, and likely to close the door to future discussions that may wake them.

  As an aside, thank you for your service in Iraq. I'm deeply sorry that you experienced such horrific things.

  Dave
• 

  katiekitten

  Hi Adolfius, im so glad you came back from Iraq safe. I cant think of a more horrible posting currently.

  I wouldnt blame your parents, they are probably lovely kind people. The religion is full of honest hearted people who for some reason feel compelled to follow a set of beliefs with a few things thrown in there that they are willing to ignore.

  When I was a JW, I remember being told that if there was something you didnt understand you just put your trust in Jehovah, who was all wise, because surely he knew better than you. His knowledge was higher than ours etc. Its a very effective strategy for shelving issues you dont understand.

  So even if you pointed out wrong things that your parents agreed with they would fall back on the old "trust in Jehovah" argument.

  Having been a staunch Witness at one time I know that there is no logical agument on earth that anyone could have raised with me that would have gotten me to critisise the religion let alone leave it. I left when I was good and ready, and nobody helped me on my way, because if they had tried to I would have recoiled and viewed them as apostates trying to rob me of my faith, and probably run back to the religion double quick.

  So I would just bite your tongue. If you are in the military, your parents are well aware that your world view is totally different to theirs, and if they are still speaking to you then thats good. I wouldnt jepardise that by pointing out things that will only alienate them and possibly make them stop communicating with you. Just my opinion tho.
• 

  garybuss

  I hope before one of my sons shuns me he'd come to me and tell me why and give me a chance to reply.
  
  If the circumstances were reversed, and with some of my relatives they are, I just can't be a Witness in order to have association with anybody. If that's the deal, then it's over. This is the way it will end.
  
  Because of my dad, my son shuns me. That fact makes two losses for me.
  
  I'm in favor of keeping a little distance between my family and Jehovah's Witnesses. I've found 100 miles to be about right.