REALLY NEED SOME HELP HERE!

sinis

Just to reiterate, I have not been to a meeting in years, and have no intention of going back. My wife on the other hand is a "cold"/"lukewarm" jdub. I really like it that way as she is not "strong" and misses a lot of meetings. We have agreed that I will not talk bad about religion, or keep her from meetings and that she will stop mentioning things like jehovahs name and "truth" in the house. Well she gets a call from a long time friend - actual woman who brought her into this god forsaken religion (her friend is older and is a nice woman, along with her husband). Anyway, they are moving back to our city and my wife mentioned that they will be STUDYING with her to strengthen her spiritually. THIS IS THE LAST F*CKING THING THAT I WANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any suggestions on how to nip this in the bud? I know my wife will study, probably even more fervently, if I attempt to tell her no. Maybe doing more to occupy her time, and thus she can't make the study? Really need help here as our marriage was rocky at first with me leaving da' troof and now we have a mutual agreement, and it has actually been better with her being weak in da' troof - but now I can only see things getting worse as they subconsciously plant a we - them mentallity back in her mind - which can only lead to rifts. Should I flat out call these people and tell them that they will not study with my wife and not to mention our conversation? Thoughts? Thanks!!

Warlock

Just hold to your 'deal' and be sure to remind her to hold her end of the 'deal'.

Warlock

carla

Even if you call them and they agreed, on the side they will just encourage her to lie to you about her where-abouts. That's what they did with mine anyway. Good luck I hope you can figure some way to keep her soooooo busy she won't have time for them. Who knows maybe they will seem very annoying to her now.

bluesbreaker59

I hate to sound callous BUT, you need to ask yourself a few things:

1. Is she the love of your life? Soul mate? Etc.?

2. Do you have kids?

3. Do you make substantially more than her? Do you have lots of assets?

Sorry, but I've been through a divorce and it ain't fun. Luckily for me, I had grown to DESPISE my wife, we had ZERO kids, no HOUSE, and in general not much money or assets. She got away with a table of my great grandma's, and I had to sell some musical equipment, and split a savings account, but all in all, I got off really well.

For the record, she was cheating on me, and at that point I still wanted to be a JW. After the elders took her side, and believed she wasn't doing anything wrong, I finally got fed up after a year and a half of seeing her and her boyfriend around town together, and said fuck it. Believe me, divorce was the best thing I ever did for myself. Its not for everyone.

You can try to occupy your wife's time, if she is your "soul mate", but she will eventually start that study, and that old lady WILL start interferring, and you KNOW, that her husband will start trying to "come around" and "encourage" you. Probably with a big, fake, smile on his face, with a soft relaxing tone of voice, and then he'll get out a Bible and start threatening you with it, and telling you how to live.

OnTheWayOut

You could try the approach in CAPTIVES OF A CONCEPT. (captivesofaconcept.com or lulu.com)

You could join the study and ask that it prove that Jesus examined the Witnesses in 1918 and
found them to be the ones doing God's will on earth. The book explains what Jesus would have
found wrong with JW's back then, and helps set the stage for understanding how the doctrines
have changed from back then.

You could also just hope she gets sick of a regular study of basic points. Point out to her that
nothing should be accepted without checking outside sources, regardless of what the friends say.

reneeisorym

I think she very well might feel pressured and annoyed by them now.

The only thing you can do is to plan cool stuff for you two to do while she would be going to a meeting/service/study.

Something that helped my ex-husband get me out (he's an ex for un-jw related reasons) was to ask questions like, "Ya know, I really don't understand why they make everyone dress up like that. It seems to me that it would make new ones feel intimidated. And the people you meet in the field ministry probably don't think you are as approachable like that. In fact when I was in the bank the other day, they were dressed a lot more casual than that too."

Or "I think (insert name of non-jw here) is the nicest person I've ever met. I hear they go to (insert the name of their church here)"

or give advice contrary to what a typical JW would do but that really makes sense. For example: Sister "in everyone's business" gossips a lot. She says, "I think she's bad association. I'm not going to say another word to her." And you say, "I thought Jesus said that you should love one another. Maybe you should try a more considerate kind approach."

Just challenge her way of thinking.

sinis

BB59:

I don't know if I would go as far as saying soul mates, shit I don't even know if that for real in todays world I do love her and she loves me. Its just a matter of this fucking religion capturing her mind and thinking for her. I've shown her how its complete bullshit, but for some reason she can't come to grips and break free. As of late she has not attended a meeting and is very irregular. I have no problems with that, and in fact on meeting nights I always bring up how I was thinking of doing XXXXX (insert something fun and entertaining). At first she says I have a meeting, and I'm like wow, too bad, maybe I'll invite your sister and brother in law (I got them out of the JW's). Then she goes along with what the plans are but she always later mentions how she feels guilty about missing a meeting, which I fire back that you are living life. So really its a tug of war with her, and I'm hoping she wins, not the religion. This latest development only throws a wrench in the works!!!!!

They are nice people but they have swallowed the bullshit hook line and sinker! Just when I thought I was F*CKING winning!!!!

sinis

I think she very well might feel pressured and annoyed by them now.
The only thing you can do is to plan cool stuff for you two to do while she would be going to a meeting/service/study.
Something that helped my ex-husband get me out (he's an ex for un-jw related reasons) was to ask questions like, "Ya know, I really don't understand why they make everyone dress up like that. It seems to me that it would make new ones feel intimidated. And the people you meet in the field ministry probably don't think you are as approachable like that. In fact when I was in the bank the other day, they were dressed a lot more casual than that too."
Or "I think (insert name of non-jw here) is the nicest person I've ever met. I hear they go to (insert the name of their church here)"
or give advice contrary to what a typical JW would do but that really makes sense. For example: Sister "in everyone's business" gossips a lot. She says, "I think she's bad association. I'm not going to say another word to her." And you say, "I thought Jesus said that you should love one another. Maybe you should try a more considerate kind approach."
Just challenge her way of thinking.

I don't think those questions will fly as I used to be a regular pioneer, MS (on the path to elder), come from a family (not JW's anymore) that was very well known in the circuit, etc. She would know that I was playing dumb or trying to suck her into an "argument" as she likes to say. The fact that her dad died about a year ago has not helped. She keeps hoping to see him in da' paradise, and the asshole JW's at her meeting (when she goes) keep playing this card.

greendawn

Given the fact taht you are not supposed to be critical of her religion all you can is to drop hints and make her see in an indirect way why the JWs are not a good religion.

The way things are the JWs have the field to themselves they can talk on religion to her and you can't but at least she is not a strong JW and that may mean she has some doubts deep down which can be utilised.

Madame Quixote

Just when I thought I was F*CKING winning!!!!

Sorry, it actually sounds like you're in a lose/lose situation. cuz, if you try to control her or her studying, you're getting labelled as the control freak/unbelieving mate and if you don't fight it somehow, you lose your wife's mind to "da troof."

Maybe a marriage counselor could help?

REALLY NEED SOME HELP HERE!

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