Seeking forgiveness from those who shun you

cyberdyne systems 101

What i'm wondering is if you have hurt people by your actions and they happen to be JW's and your now disfellowshipped, and therefore they shun you, is there really anyway to say your sorry (other than submit to the congregation elders, and eventually (maybe) be reinstated).

This is kinda the situation i'm in. I have done things that have hurt people, one's I see in connection with my family. I want to be and say i'm sorry and regret things I have done, and yet it was never leaving the witnesses that i'm sorry for, rather my own actions that got me df. I cant go back to something thats clearly false, but yet I can't see they'd except anything less. Part of leaving the JW's was something I had to do, but I made mistakes over that time, that i'm now sorry for. What to do.....?

CS 101

Sirona

I see where you are coming from.

My opinion is that you can attempt to tell them, but if they shun you then it just isn't your fault if you can't get to say sorry.

Write to them, send a small card or something, but that is all you can do.

hugs

Sirona

timmycat

They want you to be sorry for what you have done and repent and come back otherwise they think you are condemed to death and they will never see you again. The only way to get through this is to show love yourself, be happy if you can and allow that to overcome any negative or sorrow on you're part. Hope things work out.

trevor

cyberdyne systems 101

Unfortunately you are not dealing with rational people who are able to choose whether or not they will accept you or your apologies. You are dealing with a people who belong to a cult. This requires a whole different set of rules to those which apply to normal relationship. Understanding how their minds works helps but in the end they live by rules that are cast in stone.

You have hurt them and they hurt you. Why not just call it a draw? Sometimes we just have to move on and find a new way in life that does not include JWs.

trev

Mum

The best way to make amends is not to repeat the offending behavior. If you did something to destroy property, make restitution. If you did something emotionally hurtful, just apologize and move on. If you are carrying around a lot of guilt, this is not healthy. If they are holding a grudge, this is not healthy either. Unfortunately, shunning encourages carrying a grudge. Offer to do what you can to make up for any harm done. More than this the angels cannot do. You can clear your conscience, but you cannot make the other party feel other than what they choose, gracious as you may be. It is only behavior that you should apologize for, not what you now think or feel concerning your Watchtower experience.

If they reject your efforts to make amends, it is not your fault. Don't carry it around with you forever. You are to be commended for your caring attitude.

Regards,

SandraC

Narkissos

It's a beautiful idea I think.

Why not just write to them along the lines of your post -- that you're sincerely sorry you have hurt them, and apologise, although you don't consider going back because you don't believe it anymore (rather than the more "objective" and provocative "it's false")? Even though you might get little or no response at once, that might have a powerful effect on them.

jgnat

I'm rather fond of the Jewish concept of restoration and reconciliation. From the attached article,

However, almost all agree that repentance requires five elements: recognition of one's sins as sins (hakarát ha-chét'), remorse (charatá), desisting from sin (azivát ha-chét'), restitution where possible (peira'ón), and confession (vidúi).
http://www.crosscurrents.org/blumenthal.htm

cyberdyne systems 101

Mmm some interesting points have been made, thank you. I had thought about writing to a few individuals, i'll think it through and consider what I might say to them. I dont intend to use it as a platform to in anyway justify myself or have a pop at their beliefs.

CS 101

Seeking forgiveness from those who shun you

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