After my disfellowshipping, I felt like a person alone in a very dark room full of strange objects..........someone grappling around in pitch black wary of everything I touched. I didnt want involvment with another religion..........my thinking was that the Jehovah's Witnesses were right despite my having put myself in the position where I was no longer acceptable to them. Other religions had no draw for me, and to this day, I still remain indifferent to them.
And yet, I missed the comfort that I had experienced as a witness..............the hope, the so called 'answers and the feeling of belonging to a community of like minded people.
Occasionally I have dabbled with other forms of 'answers'..............reading my stars, doing tarot, a mystic meg approach to the answers of life. Strange how I felt more comfortable with using these forms of explanations for the future than becoming involved in other religious based concepts, and yet they are so harshly condemned in both the bible and all the JW literature I was exposed to throughout my life.
Being raised in the truth can, I think, leave you terribly vunerable to the real world, fearful of all that it encompasses, ignorant of 'happiness' outside of the organisation, conditioned by a set of beliefs that make a balanced and contented, (even delightful) life an uphill struggle to achieve.
But for me it is an uphill struggle I am committed to taking......................it is almost like I wish to be 'born again' (excuse the pun), free of all the superstition and false mumbo jumbo I have been exposed to.
The reason I started this thread was because I did something stupid recently...............I had a dream about bats (the nocturnal kind) and I did some googling about dream analysis and guess what ..............dreaming of black bats can signify death or personal disaster. Part of me worries about this and another part recognises it as the side of me still looking for answers. Answers to what life is all about? Where we are headed? Where I am headed?
As a baby, as a child I was taught, and as an adult I blindly accepted all the answers that being part of the JWs gives you.....................as I have come to realise the faultiness of those answers its like some part of me goes off looking for answers from somewhere else................seeking to feel safe and comforted............and yet sometimes I look in dangerous places.
So probably I am still the person grappling around in the darkened and strange room, except maybe now the curtain is now slightly parted allowing a ray of light. I hope it continues to get brighter.
Does anyone else relate to these types of feelings or strange things we do?
Fifi