Penny, thanks for your excellent additional points regarding staying on as an elder, and for your kind and encouraging words. I really mean it - THANK YOU!! You will be happy to hear that I fully endorse all those additional points you mention, and on every possible occasion seek to do just as you wrote, and will certainly continue to do so with great gusto.
And Snakes - thank you for your wise words of advice. I have to agree with what you are saying, and I totally understand the route you took. I don't know how long I can keep this up myself, but so far so good. I seem to be blessed with a strong phsychological constitution (or I am very stubborn or stupid...probably a combination of all 3) so I am not too worried about getting messed up psycholgoically. Keeping the big picture, and my contributions to society (not to be confused the WTBS) in focus helps me get through a lot of crap. I look forward to more insight from you in the future, as I am sure it will help my journey.
Here is a neat tid-bit. I haven't really been door to door in over a year. That would truly be hypocritical and extremely difficult to justify, if I were doing what I am doing on the inside, while at the same time going out in to the field to win over new converts, that would be pretty counter-productive... unless of course, I purposely botched the presentations and made us sound like a bunch of koo-koos. Hmmm... that wouldn't be too hard would it? Hee Hee.
Having said that, really all my JW dealings are restricted to regular meetings, elders meetings and social association, and the occasional circuit assembly part. I use my influence in all those situations to promote free thinking and to do all those things I mentioned at length in a previous post. At present, I feel my voice as an elder, has a greater impact and is helping me to achieve my goals quicker. There will come a time when that is no longer the case I am sure. But there are many different factors weighing on me, not the least of which include my family and close friends.
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Funniest moment at my meeting this week... I slapped my book study assistant on the back (whom I have been asking a multitude of times over the last 6 months to take the group) and declared in a loud voice, "Poor Jim.... I have missed so many meetings lately, Jim here must be thinking I am falling out of the truth!" Literally 8 different brothers and sisters who were standing with us, broke out in to hillarious laughter. I then went on to imitate myself calling my assistant "Jim" with lame excuse after lame excuse, as to why I needed him to keep taking the book study. My little audience was in stitches... I too was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe, but of course for a much different reason than everyone else! Ah, you gotta have fun with it - either that or YOU WILL GO CRAZY....but wait... I know what some of you are thinking... is he already there??? Maybe so! Maybe so! But, if anyone is still interested I will keep you all posted concerning my ongoing adventures in the continuing sage .... The Oracle, Undercover Elder in the 21st Century!