Went to visit the EX

anewme

I have been dfd and divorced from the ex for six years now. I have remarried and been living in a idyllic cabin by a year round creek all this time but I might have to move. So I have been going through all my stuff and discarding what I can to lighten my moving load and reviewing every item, every picture, every little piece of paper. Needless to say it has been an emotional week going through all these keepsakes.

I have been keeping for years and years some lovely things for when my three sweet JW nieces grew up and could appreciate them. I have no children of my own and so it saddened me very much to think I might never be able to give them to the girls now that I have not seen them for six years. They were all mid teens when I left the org and are now in their early twenties and beautiful young women no doubt.

So I emailed my ex who I havent spoken to or seen for a long time. I told him my situation about moving and my desire for the nieces we both love so much to have the items. He said he would be visiting them this Memorial Day weekend and would be glad to take them to the girls for me.

WOW! So he said YES!!!

On Tuesday I packed the treasures in a box and drove the many miles to my old home I shared for 20 years with the ex. Wow, I hadnt seen the place in many years. Many changes had occurred. I had heard about the storms and how their fury ripped off the awning and part of the roof. A new gorgeous white awning graced the front of the house. Two messy pines were gone too. (No tears from me over their loss!) There were my roses still being cared for! I couldnt believe he still kept that stone rabbit by the front door!
My contributions. In many ways it was like I had never left.

I knocked on the door with my available hand. The door was opened and I stepped inside my old home.
My little dog was the first to greet me with many kisses. Her love broke the ice and I put the box down and embraced my old love Xxxxx and kissed his cheek tenderly.
It was all like a dream come true meeting!
I got the tour of the house. Funny, alot of it was just like I left it. ( I took alot of furniture but I also left him with alot. I actually cleaned and decorated the house before I left him and there it all was. The antique pine armoire, the large framed picture above the fireplace, my mother's old oak commode and the country pine dining table and chairs I actually bought for him at a yard sale after I left the house. (yeah I took my nice mahogany stuff) New flooring and new tile in the kitchen but everything else was familiar and preserved.

He took me out to the yard and showed me my old backyard rose garden and insisted I pick my favorites for a bouquet. This I did but left them in a vase for him to enjoy on his pine table.
He showed me the new electric wheelchair he has been working on and told me he is getting a new hand control van and has cleaned up his garage and side yard. This I had to see! His garage was always a source of arguments between us. Low and behold he was ORGANIZED!!! Everything was neat and clean! I was so impressed. Tears squirted from my eyes and I hugged him again and we just stood there in this embrace for what seemed like an eternity.

Away from the hearing ears of his three attendants who hovered in the background doing various chores, we talked. "Anewme, if only you would come back to the Jehovahs organization we could be better friends.
We could see each other again and you could spend time with the nieces who love you so much."

"I know. I would love to have you all back in my life again. But going back to the organization just for loved ones is not possible. You know xxxxx I have never told you why I quit the reinstatement process in 2005. I have never told you how I feel because I didnt think you would hear me out. You are not allowed to listen to any views other than approved Watchtower Organization's views. I cannot go back because having now been out and enjoyed worshiping God from my own heart again I cannot go back to having others tell me what to do and how to worship anymore. And I feel that much of the Witness lifestyle is not found in the Bible."

I stopped there and checked his face for any anger or defensiveness. But surprisingly there was nothing but a deep sadness came over him. He said he understood. He said he didnt agree but he understood how I felt. He said the usual statements Witnesses are trained to say that there was no other organization on earth who "bla bla bla". In my mind I refuted each erroneous statement but kept my thoughts to myself while he continued. He said he sees now that caring for him was all too much for me and that he made some mistakes and accepts alot of blame for ignoring my needs and putting emphasis on other things other than our marriage and my happiness. He said he had done alot of thinking and deep reflection in the last six years.

Our visit came to an end as I had business in town to attend to. We hugged again and told each other how good we looked and spoke of emailing each other. I told him to give hugs to the nieces for me and to his mother. I shut the door and left.

As I drove away I wondered so many things.
Too bad I didnt stand up to my husband back in 2000 and insist on having things more my own way....insist on family evenings and some weekends for just him and me. I still love him very much. Its apparent he still loves me. The religion severely interfered with our love and working out our problems. The disfellowshiping was too severe and harsh a punishment for me to recover from. I could never face my nieces after that and moved out and fled the town. What a crying shame. Well, Ive done my share of crying over my life. I felt good about visiting my ex and how our visit turned out and good that my nieces will receive after all these years a love box of gifts from their old dfd Auntie Anewme.

May God forgive me for my sins and may God please bless my efforts now to find forgiveness in the hearts of those I still love very much.

Anewme

Bumble Bee

((((((anewme))))))

What a touching story! I'm sure your neices will treasure your gift to them.

BB

MR. BORN AGAIN

That was such a touching story...I could see the whole thing. Once in the WTS there's a price to be paid for freedom. Just reading your story makes me so ANGRY with the society and at the same time SO SAD for it's members. Thanks 4 sharing

Junction-Guy

That really was a touching story.

mavie

Thank you for sharing this story. This response by your ex-husband:

"Anewme, if only you would come back to the Jehovahs organization we could be better friends.
We could see each other again and you could spend time with the nieces who love you so much."

This reminded me of this quote from "Buddhism Without Beliefs" by Stephen Bachelor on friendship:

"We should be wary of being seduced by charismatic purveyors of Enlightenment. For true friends seek not to coerce us, even gently and reasonably, into believing what we are unsure of. These friends are like midwives, who draw forth what is waiting to be born. Their task is not to make themselves indispensable but redundant."

Being divorced myself, I think you handled this situation with great dignity and grace.

Well done.

sosad

thank you for sharing your story. it was beautiful. what an incredibly strong person you must be.

Es

That was such a beautiful story... I had tears in my eyes, I remember feeling like that at times for my first hubby too....if I had done this it would be different...but in the end I feel like it was the right thing to do, yes I miss him, yes I can drive past places and remember things we did together. But im much better off without him.

luv es

love

penny2