by minimus 31 Replies latest jw friends
We had a few invites, but over the years not much. Having two children to raise pretty much kept us home. My wife and I were mostly home-bodies during the captive years. Social Life was meetings and more meetings, and sometimes hanging with the friends during invites. As the children got older and I became an Elder, well ,we were much more popular then and had a few more invites.
Blueblades
Growing up in the "Truth" I was always more popular with the "worldly" folks. Going to the meetings and socail gatherings were just going through the motions. Never tried to make real JW friends...I wonder why Never even thought about a JW female as a potentail girlfriend. I guess I was just doomed from the start as a JW????
1) It is hard to fit in socially when your father is not a JW. You are viewed as bad association.
That's very true!
That was the situation that I was in. My dad was "worldly" and my mother was the JW. We always had a tough time fitting in. And on top of that, my mother didn't allow us to associate with any kids, witnesses or not. I was a social outcast.
My social life as a witness ? One word
Conditional
We were invited to a few group outings, feed the speakers, baby showers, etc. But I never had a sister or a brother come over or call on the phone just to say "HI" other than the "missed you at the meeting" calls. Outside of field service and meetings I had no friends.
I remember a sister once telling me that giving up all my 'wordly friends' would result in me gaining a 100 fold in friends within the organization. So over time I left my young adult friends and as the years past I was more alone than ever. If it wasnt for my bio sister and my husband I would have become a recluse. I became fearful of making friends in the world and scared of the critiquing friends at the hall.
Now that I have been out for a few years I find that I still isolate myself in unhealthy ways. I am starting to make acquaintances in our new neighborhood, but I have reservations about letting myself being liked by people.
Sounds dumb...I know...But this last year I think I am making progress.
I was really popular among all the young people, because I had a few "bad years", and I still wasn't an angel. After I got divorced, and bought a new house, my place became the "hang out" for tons of young brothers, from 16 - 30, and we'd drink, watch "bad" movies, wrestle, play "bad" music, and talk about banging chicks, it was great, many drunk moments were shared.
Ironically, these same guys, have cut me off from associations, even though they all drank like fish and swore like sailors, and did everything else at my place that I was doing then... Hypocrites, fucking hypocrites. Its not like we were doing drugs or anything dangerous, or running a house of prostitution, just a bunch of young guys getting together and having fun, that's all.
It's true that JW friends are clearly "conditional".
I had a wonderful "social life". Whenever someone needed help moving, I was the first person they'd call. If they needed computer help I was always the first person the JWs thought of. They were happy to come to my home and eat my food and drink my booze when they didn't get invitations from someone else. They often invited me to functions where gifts were expected. They knew that I was a good person to call when food was needed at the kingdom hall renovations. Field service was another story. I almost always had to work alone.
W
users
My social life was so-so. I have always been naturally quiet. I think I am less shy than I used to be but still quiet. So that part of my personality stunted my social life. I got invited to a few things gatherings, to play basketball, etc. But only ever had a few strong friends in my teens. When I left at 25, there was no one I called my best friend and that probably made leaving easier for me. Sure I had a few superficial conversations with people at every meeting and got invited to places occasionally, but there wasn't anything pulling me very hard socially beyond my family. My social life was also very limited. Supposedly, you should only be social and make friends within the Jehovah's Witnesses. So with approximately 6 million witnesses (at the time) to 6 billion people, that slices the potential pool down to 1 out of 1000. That cuts out a lot of potential friends.
The comments about the social life being "conditional" resonate with me. I still don't have a super lot of friends. But I do have friends. And their friendship isn't contingent upon my beliefs about god. It is really nice to be able to talk to people and find people with common interests without having to worry about having certain beliefs. It is nice to relax, and be open about yourself (something I still work on) without worrying about how it looks through the Jehovah's Witness filter. I rarely think about that anymore when talking to people, whereas before it was always in the front of my mind with JW's and non-JW's. (Like am I being encouraging or spiritual enough or am I passing up an opportunity to witness). I'm sure there are some conditions to our friendship. For example, they probably wouldn't like it if I asked to use their cars to do drive by shootings. Fortunately, I have no interest in doing that. We have some common interests, and on the whole they accept me as I am and I do the same for them.
