If you were an elder, what would you tell me?

by JH 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  horrible life

  You can't outrank a brother. You can only outrank a sister......

  BROTHER JH!!!!!!!! I can't believe you said that. Come in the back room right now. ---------------------------------------------------------------> That was a good one! Come here, The brothers and I have a little stash for just these type of occasions. Right here behind these bound volumns. Nothing beats a good belt of Jack Daniels. Now don't let my little Mrs. hear you say that, but next time we say we are going out in service, you can join us elders, and go to the lake. Do a little fishing, if you know what I mean. LOL LOL LOL

  Hey, that little girl friend of yours is really cute. Too bad she is just too old for me. I kinda have my eye on that daughter of the Smiths. Can't believe she is gonna be in 2nd grade already.
• 

  brinjen

  OK, lets say a witness goes up to an elder at the hall, and says, " What's going on" ???

  Just hanging at the KH dude, why do you ask?

  Why didn't the end come by now ?

  Ah, that sticky question again, have you checked your watchtower index?

  Why didn't the king of the North show up ?

  Cost of fuel skyrocketing, he'll be here soon. Just drop a few dollars into one of the 53 contribution boxes we have here. Maybe that will speed it up a bit.

  Why didn't we hear the Peace and Security call by now ?

  You didn't get the call? Dosen't your mobile have a messagebank?

  Why are brothers and sisters living more and more like worldly people ?

  You ever tried following this crap? Doctor says there is no more anti-depressent medication I can use anymore.

  Why are there less pioneers than years ago if the end is even closer than it ever was ?

  Dunno...something about dying from exhaustion, starvation, bumped off by loan sharks. Shame really.

  Hello....we are in 2007 for pete's sake... The generation of people that was supposed to see the great tribulation and the new system is dying away fast !!! If these JW's all die away, what's the difference between people who accepted the "truth" and sacrificed their lives, and those who didn't want to become JW's and both of them die? Both will resurrect, because the end came after their death, so there was NO advantage being a JW throught these years.

  Aah, we do have a back up though. Those who came to know the truth and died before armaegeddon won't be resurrected, once you listen to our crap we've got you for life! How's that? Of course I could never be an elder, pity
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  The scriptures say to seek Jehovah and his kingdom, and probably you will be spared in the day of his fury.
  It's a blessing for ones who have served God faithfully to know that they are in his memory and will be
  resurrected. Others might be resurrected. Remember that God is their judge. They may have been fully
  exposed to the knowledge of the truth and rejected it. You have been able to discern the truth, so you
  should recognize the privilege you have. You serve Jehovah. If you stop, you WILL lose out on everlasting
  life if Armageddon arrives soon, and you will probably lose out if it arrives after your death.

  That's pretty close to the company line
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Or borrowing from Primate Dave:

  Well, Brother JH, your book study conductor was just telling me that you haven't gone out in the door to
  door work on Saturdays lately. Your meeting attendance has been a bit low as well. How are you doing
  with your personal study? Prayer? Could we arrange for a shepherding call with you some time this month?
  You know, Satan is like a roaring lion.... It sounds like it's a good thing for you the end hasn't arrived yet. You still have time to get in line for God's
  blessings. Right now, you probably aren't doing enough to merit salvation.
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  OnTheWayOut

  And why do you organize the district assemblies one year ahead of time? does this mean that you know the end won,t even come next year ?

  Jesus is invisibly present. We gotta look busy.