What do I do?

Miss 8572

If any of you have read my first post you know where I am right now... just a re-cap. I really hate alot of what my witness friends think and do and say and I'm on my way out. My best friend who I went everywhere with disassociated me. We both hang out with the same people and I don't know who she has told about my situation. People I know (that probably don't know my best friend and I have stopped hanging out) are being friendly still. I don't know how to act around them. Right now I'm just riding the tides, acting like everything is normal but... what do I do if and when I see them? I'm a little affraid of the awkwardness. All I can do right now is try and determine who knows and who doesn't. There are some friends I really enjoy talking to but being myself, against all odds, has always been very important to me and I don't want to live a lie. HELP! I need ssuggestions.

Hortensia

same advice as for many others who have asked for help on this forum - get a life outside the WTBTS, so you can have some new friends. Go to school, get a new job, volunteer for some activity that interests you, move to a new neighborhood (that helps with the fade too). Once you jump in (or out?) you'll find some nice folks who will make good friends. I don't know how I would survive without my "worldly" friends, and I try to be the same sort of friend to them.

DJK

Living a lie wont help you or your friends. I think you should talk to those who dont know about your fading and let thier actions determine what happens next. If they shun you, what kind of friends were they?

It's a big world, you will meet new people and make more friends. They too will come and go, just for different and more logical reasons.

Quandry

Yes-did you put your education on the back burner because the ORG said you didn't need one? Run, don't walk, to the nearest community college or University near you and enroll. You need some new friends and the self esteem that an education can give you.

Get a hobby, also. I am working on this one, as when you are "in" there is never time for anything, and now I have the time to develop things I am interested in.

Give yourself time. Read a good book, and take it slow. Things will come your way. Enjoy your new found life!!

lesterd

YOU are narmal...THEY are not, feel sorry for them. Hold your head up and be proud of life ahead of you.

Miss 8572

Thanks for your comments. I definately already have hobbies. I'm creative and imaginative and have my hand in every pot. That is probably why I am taking this as well as I am to date. I am already enrolled in post secondary education and am developing friends there. I just need to know how to react around people who still view me as a witness. I don't want to hurt them but I don't want to lie.

Hortensia

Smile nicely and greet them cheerfully. Let them bring up the topic of fading, if they are brave enough. Then just tell the truth and let them decide how they will react. I imagine that soon they will drop you like a hot coal - so I'm glad you have other interests and ways to meet people.

OnTheWayOut

We both hang out with the same people and I don't know who she has told about my situation.

.....I don't know how to act around them. Right now I'm just riding the tides, acting like everything is normal but... what do I do if and when I see them? I'm a little affraid of the awkwardness.

....There are some friends I really enjoy talking to but being myself, against all odds, has always been very important to me and I don't want to live a lie.

I am researching and reading different thoughts on fading. Fading doesn't usually work with friends, only family. Remember that
I said "usually" and there are plenty who will say it DID work with friends, and tons more will say it DID NOT work with family.

Friends "in the truth" are only Common-purpose friends. Even the closest of them will break the bond often when you no
longer have a common purpose. It is not that the friendship is untrue. It's that their loyalty to the WTS is strained and they
are taught that the friend is apostate, evil, worldly, hopeless, the responsibility of the elders to save, etc. They think they
are doing a favor to turn them in, or privately disassociate even though there is no congregation action against them.

Family will sometimes overcome that loyalty test, because they are family. "As long as Miss 8572 doesn't do any blatent
apostate actions, I as her (mother, father, brother, niece, grandmother, etc.) can remain in contact with her, even though she
isn't doing anything for Jehovah. I know she's not evil, she's just weak."

My opinion only, you can't keep many friends from "the truth" and fade. Continue fading or walk away- either way, develop that
life outside of the Witnesses.

OnTheWayOut

I just need to know how to react around people who still view me as a witness. I don't want to hurt them but I don't want to lie.

If you want to retain some relations with some JW's, then you probably should avoid all JW discussions.
If you are asked about congregation or conventions, change the subject or simply say "I don't know about that"
or "I've been away." Answer the questions you do know the answers to, then change the subject.
Most JW's will allow the WTS stuff to drop by the side, as they always talk about it anyway.

aligot ripounsous

Hei, Miss,

I don't remember having welcomed you yet, so Welcome !

Hortensia and OTWO told you better than I could have done. I myself, although I'm baptized, am in this sifting process whereby acquaintances in the congregation let me know, through their behaviour toward me, whether they will want to keep associating with me (despite likely adverse elders's advice) or mark and shun me, since I'm not, so far, DFed. IMO the situation is more awkward than painful and even so it is just temporary because you come to realize that you can manage very well without people who subordinate their frienship to your being like them and who are afraid of your independence. Just leave them as pieces of the past and move forward, in doing so you might even let your friends have second thoughts about your attitude and theirs and you will render them a nice service.

What do I do?

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